My friends, you are going to love hearing how I've stopped overthinking, because overthinking, or constant thinking, or a racing mind is something that drives many of us to addiction. It's an uncomfortable condition that leads to anxiety on one end and depression on the other. For many of us, our base addiction is to thinking itself, and I'm grateful that today my mind thinks very clearly.
If you're struggling with why life is not making sense, feeling confused, if you find it very painful to be sober and to be stuck with your own racing thoughts, if you are afraid to even go to sleep and get in bed at night because of dealing with your thoughts constantly and waking up in the middle of the night, what I'm about to share with you will really help you. I used to try to wear myself out as much as possible so I could fall asleep, so my mind didn't have enough energy left to think. The fact is thinking takes energy, and if your mind is racing all the time it can leave you fatigued. It can leave you without energy for other things. For me, my mind is very focused now, and there are some very clear things I do to maintain that. So I'll give you an overview of everything I've done that has helped me stop overthinking. It's a nice way to keep yourself motivated, and you'll get a little bit more energy and a little more time to focus. I want to live in a world where the people around me are not being strangled by their minds as they constantly think.
What Leads Us to Overthink
Let's look first at causes and conditions. What leads us to overthink? Often our minds are actually trying to protect us by overthinking. There's some thought, or some memory, we don't want to face, so our minds race in order to distract us. We're often afraid of slowing down and facing whatever pain or fear is underneath the racing thoughts. What creates racing thoughts, in my experience, is suppressed feelings and memories, and this is something Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me a lot to surface. If you find addiction to be a part of your story, then getting sober will lead you down the path to stop overthinking. A lot of us who have struggled with overthinking have taken to things like alcohol and drugs, whether they're legal or not, to help slow the mind down. The main reason I see people drink is that they want the mind to slow down, to live a little more by feeling and intuition, and an alcoholic is just an extreme example of really wanting that effect. So I stay sober today. I've been sober almost nine years, which has helped me get into my own mind and understand what was really going on underneath.
Let's get into the causes: the things of shame and guilt and remorse, feeling different, feeling isolated, feeling selfish. Generally, overthinking and selfishness go together. Selfishness, to me, means limited perspective. You're thinking about how you're going to pay the bills, how you're going to feed your family. It's generally a state of living in fear and isolation. I find that when I'm surrounded by other people, when I'm aware of what other people are going through, I'm not as likely to be overthinking. My mind stops, so that I can listen to and take in what other people are saying. I find that the things I watch on TV can contribute to overthinking as well.
If you're overthinking, the general scenario is that you often are pretty lonely, or you're surrounded by people but you don't really feel connected. You're not being authentic and telling people what's really on your mind. You may work all day, or even worse, live by yourself and stay at home, and you just think about the things you want to do, the things people have done to you, and you constantly obsess about you, you, you. And if it's about other people, you're trying to control them, or understand them, or make them do something, or predict the next outcome. The general state of overthinking is one of isolation, where you are not aware of all the stuff other people are going through, and you think way too much about what you're going through.
I know some of you will find it abrasive that I say this to you, but you need to hear it. If you're like me, you need people to bring to your awareness that when you're overthinking, you usually are not thinking that much about how you can actually make somebody else's life better. And I don't mean making it better by telling them what they should do and how their life should look and trying to force them to do something, but by connecting with someone and genuinely serving them and helping them achieve the goals they've decided on. Rarely have I noticed overthinking in the case of genuine concern for others. And I don't mean concern in terms of fear, like, oh my God, what's going to happen to this person? Because that's even more selfish. Underneath our fear for somebody else, we're really scared of having to deal with our own lives if whatever we're thinking about happens to that other person.
Getting Out of Self
So the primary solution for stopping overthinking is getting out of self, getting out of isolation, and stopping any bad habits that are sabotaging our own health. For example, eating a whole bunch of food that's not nutritious, that leaves our body feeling bad, is conducive to keeping us isolated. Then we're not feeling good, so we want to stay in and be away from others, so we can just overthink some more.
What works for me is that I am constantly surrounded by other people, my thoughts are constantly about how I can give and contribute to others, and I sync up what I'm doing with what other people need. When I'm creating videos on this channel, I'm creating videos that I hope are genuinely useful for you, that make a difference to you, that are something you need. Then I'm thinking about how I can do more of those. Because yes, there is a return for me, but if it doesn't produce a return for you, it's not worth getting the return for me. Genuine connection with others will stop overthinking. If you'd like a place to do this with people walking the same path, the best way I've found today is to join the Jerry Banfield Family community, where we get honest with each other instead of sitting alone with our thoughts.
I was able to step into this by first going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and getting honest about my thoughts. If you're having a lot of thoughts of self-harm or harm of others, or I'm not good enough, or I hate how things are, it really helps to actually share these thoughts with someone else you can trust, and then to hear their perspective. Because what I found when I went to AA and started sharing all the crazy thoughts I was having, all the thoughts of what's wrong with me and what I've done wrong, and what's wrong with other people and what they've done wrong, is that I then got to hear other people's thoughts. And now I have perspective on my own thoughts. I'm not alone with them.
Ironically, a lot of our thoughts are very repetitive. If you are overthinking, you generally are thinking the same kinds of thoughts over and over on a broken record. And to be fair, the system has very much encouraged you to do this. If you're having thoughts about finances, they're over and over often fear of not having enough. What are you going to do to pay the bills? Why did other people do this to you? Why do other people have so much money? You rarely actually have different thoughts from that, like thoughts of abundance, or I'm really happy with all that I have. This is where connecting with others can slow down those thoughts. Ironically, it's getting new thoughts in that will satisfy us. If you're overthinking, you're generally like a person who's thirsty, looking for water. You're repeating the same thoughts over and over, and you're desperate for something new to think about, something so profound that you don't even need to think, you just sit there dumbfounded, like, wow, that was surprising.
Physical Practices That Slow the Mind
I have some physical practices that also help with overthinking, in addition to being surrounded by people. I have a wife and kids I live with. I go to an AA meeting almost every day. I go to yoga almost every day, and going to yoga greatly slows down my mind. It takes me into the body and out of the mind. If you're not exercising and not moving your body, this often makes way for more energy to go toward the mind and the brain to be expended. Whereas when you get into the body and exercise, it often slows down and balances the mind. The ideal thinking state is that you use your mind essentially like a car engine: you rev it up when you want to go somewhere, but the rest of the time it sits there idle or off. Yoga is one of the most helpful practices I've found for slowing down my thinking. Generally, clear thoughts come from slowing down the mode of thinking.
I used to have pride that I estimated I must have been on track to have billions of thoughts in my lifetime. I used to rapidly have just one thought after another, constantly all day. Now, sometimes I'll go minutes without any thoughts. Or I'll just have one single thought gently, that's not repeated, and I think it, and then I'm quiet and I listen. Listening to others is a really powerful way to get some new thoughts. This is why I crank out videos on all my channels every day. I hope I can give you some new thoughts, some different thoughts. I hope in each of these recovery videos I can help expand your mind. I listen to a bunch of people on YouTube. I listen to a bunch of books. I've got over 280 books that I've read or listened to in the last 10 years. Reading is a great way to quiet the mind, get some new thoughts in, and satisfy the mind with those new thoughts. Thinking by itself is not bad. Compulsively thinking about the same stuff over and over is what's annoying.
What I've found is that it's hard for me to be afraid for my own financial security when I'm thinking about how I can help and serve others, and when I'm learning and growing myself. Many of you, if you were in my position, with a net worth that is negative $36,000, with no income, having had no profit at all in my business online this year, would be in a state of overthinking and constant fear of financial insecurity. But not me. I'm thinking, not constantly, but just enough, about how I can give.
Connection Is the Cure
What videos am I going to make that will change your life? What can I learn about that I can then share that will be useful for you? When I look at myself as an instrument to serve others and to enjoy this life, I'm not alone. So connection with other people will greatly assist you with stopping overthinking and getting at those root causes. Often, those of us who have a history of overthinking have traumatic memories that are suppressed. When you can dig those out, if you're not an alcoholic, you could try another kind of support group, or you could go see a counselor. What I've found is that digging out my traumatic memories, getting them out, then getting someone else's perspective, and then getting a bunch of other people's perspectives, is what allows me to properly live and enjoy my life. I'm able to heal and be free from whatever damage there was from those traumatic memories. Now I can go forward, and my mind doesn't need to race anymore.
Along with yoga, I think a romantic partner, and having sex, is also very helpful for reducing thinking. I saw a study showing that women who have sex at least every two and a half days on average tend to have less anxiety, less depression, fewer headaches, and fewer other physical illnesses. And men who are married tend to have the most sex and tend to live the longest and be the happiest as well. Being in a romantic relationship, in my experience, seems to naturally satisfy and fulfill both the mental and the physical. Your partner can help you get out of yourself and not just think about yourself. Like in a family, I feel that this body is just an instrument of the family. I have a wife and kids, and this body is here to assist the family. It's not just on its own doing its own thing without consideration of the others. There's never a situation where I'm completely ignorant of and not considering my wife and my kids. I'm always aware of them. To get through overthinking, we need to be connected with other people.
I talk a lot about these things, and I will continue making more videos for you. If you really want some more of me, I share the full story of my recovery, my sobriety, and my day-to-day journey through my Life playlist, along with my crypto, gaming, and business videos. I really appreciate your time here, and I'll be thinking about what video I can make for you next. See you tomorrow.