It's July 20, 2026. I'm Jerry Banfield, and this is my vlog — what I'm thinking about. I just watched a church service from today at my church — the last church I went to, about a month ago — from Dr. Pulley, and oh my God. I just sat down listening and crying. Listening to that, you're remembering your identity. My heart is so open and grateful and thankful, and I want to keep that going. I want to bring that into my work. I want to bring that love and that joy into my work and into every aspect of my life.
I've had just another incredible 24 hours. It's funny — after yesterday's video, I was a little nervous and tense. I've known a woman for seven days now. She came into my life seven days ago and has just smashed my heart open — immediately, within 24 hours. And I'm glad I've let it happen. I've been like, please let this happen. My heart needs to be open. I don't want to keep living this closed-hearted life where I'm going around defensive and fighting and raging and hating and cursing and getting into the darkness and the drama. I want to come at life with an "I love you" approach. And this woman I met seven days ago just smashed my heart open.
There's been a lot of fear that's come up, too. Yesterday, after I did the video titled My AA Sponsor Fired Me, I was pretty anxious. I did a couple more videos. I had sent her a voice memo in the morning asking, am I crazy? Am I crazy for opening my heart up like this? Or is this what life is supposed to be like — to really love people? Then she sent me some voice memos a couple of hours after mine, and after I did a few videos, I just cried getting her voice memos. I thought, thank you. I'm not crazy. I'm just living open-hearted, and it's different. It's different to live open-hearted. It also feels familiar — this is how I used to live as a baby and as a child. At some point I forgot that, got defensive, and tried to protect myself from getting hurt. But I can't keep living guarded like that now. I got her voice memos and I was just like, yes, I want to see you. I want to do my work with you.
She's a content creator too, and I'm pretty gifted with this technology. This is my world — the studio behind me with the new gaming PC and all the lights. I'm so comfortable filming videos by myself in here. I filmed six videos yesterday, and I got 115 minutes of me on video recording. And I set up a whole video editing workflow for her, because she has a lot of videos she wants edited, and I told her, I'll help you do that with the AI.
Watching My Kids Play and a Hello From My Dad
My kids came over for a little while yesterday, and they played games. The more my heart is open, the more I can really love my kids. I just treasure my kids being here, and I know how to parent them with love instinctively. I don't have to try to make them act a certain way or tell them what to do. I just love them, and I help them do what they want to do. Yesterday they wanted to play Roblox. My son was playing this snake game — he's eight years old, and he had to be the biggest snake in this snake game. My daughter jumped in, and they were playing together. And I was just like, thank you. It's so beautiful.
I was sitting at my kitchen table, watching my kids in there playing video games, and I thought, this is so nice. It's so relaxing. They're having fun. They're yelling. They're having a good time. And right after that, I had this thought come, and it felt like it came from my dad. My dad said, "It reminds me of you and your brother." And I was like, hi, Dad. My dad has been passed away for about twelve and a half years, but I have little thoughts like that come sometimes when I'm open-hearted. They come really easily — just a little thought will come, like my dad saying hi. And I said, hi, Dad. Nice to see you. Yes — that's just like my brother, and just like me.
Gratitude for My Crypto Reviews Channel
After the kids left, I filmed more videos. And I'm grateful my crypto review videos are doing so well. My Crypto Reviews channel has just soared. In my last two review videos, I rated the coins just one out of ten. And I'm so grateful. I love the people in crypto, and I want the people in crypto to have better information than what they have. One video is up to 6,000 views in the last 48 hours — that's YouTube showing my videos a lot of times — and I'm thankful. Thank you for helping me get this message out about the truth about these AI coins. YouTube showed this video to 17,000 people in the first 36 hours or so. My brother, we love you. Come back to ICP. Casper is not the place for you.
Six Hours Together
Then the woman I'm dating came over right after that, and we spent six hours together, and it was so beautiful. I just feel so filled by spending all that time with her. But I also feel so vulnerable. I feel so much. Fear says, you can't handle it if this goes wrong. But love says, just give it a chance. Have faith. Not just love the woman, but love God. Look who set all this up. Look who put everything in position. Look at everybody who helped you get here.
She was having a hard day, feeling stressed about her work in the morning. And I said, thank you for letting me help you with your work. Because from my point of view, her work is easy to me — I've done this for 15 years, I've played video games and done stuff on the internet, and anything with technology is easy for me. You want to talk to the AI? I understand viscerally what it is to talk to AI. I've got Gemini, Grok, ChatGPT, and Claude — I've got all of them, all on paid plans, and I talk to all of them. And when I talk to them, I know how to talk to them to get them to help me. I know how to help them help me. It just feels natural for me to talk to them. I know how to use all of them and put them on my computer. It was such a joy having six hours with her yesterday.
Getting Disgustingly Vulnerable
I got disgustingly vulnerable too. I told her about all of this. And to go back further first: I'd been focusing on my friend Lindsay Dorio, who has a book, The Queendom Quest. She narrated this book in my studio, and she talked about wanting to find her King, and her whole journey — feeling like the man she wanted to be with was there with her before she ever showed up, and then when she saw him, she recognized him, even though it wasn't the time to immediately begin.
I've had that idea, and I've been mentioning it in my Jerry Banfield dating videos: I want my queen. I want my woman, my teammate, my ride or die — the one where we're going to be married and have kids and have a life together, and never get divorced, and love each other. And I'm never going to be harsh with her. We're going to realize the love of God through each other.
The Night I Cried Out
So a week ago, I went to an event, and I was just miserable afterwards. I'm learning, as someone who's pretty empathic, that I've got to be careful which groups I put myself in, because I'll get overwhelmed and I'll pick up a lot of the energy — especially if people are suppressing their feelings and are all upset but not showing it. I'll pick all of that up, and I'll take all of that on. And then I have to purge and feel all of it. And maybe it brings up some of that in me too, and purges it too.
So on Saturday night a week ago, I was laying down on my floor, crying. At one point I shouted out, "There is no higher power." And I felt ridiculous right after that. Because I know better — I prayed so much to stay sober in my first 90 days. I prayed to God. I prayed to Jesus. I prayed to my father. And I know I got the help I needed because of that prayer. That prayer helped me change. That prayer helped me take action to change and reminded me of my identity and the support I have. I connected with my higher power, and my higher power gave me solutions to all my problems. So that's the context of me yelling that out.
Then, a little bit after that — the higher power thing was directed at God, obviously — I yelled out loud in my house again, and this time I directed it at my queen. I said, "Please, I can't keep doing this without you. I need you. Please." And the next day I made a video saying, I'm not having fun dating. Dating is miserable, but I want it to be fun. I want to have fun dating.
The Yoga Class Where Everything Changed
The next day, on Monday, I went to a yoga class, and I said, I'm going to love the women who are here. I'm going to think about how glad I am, and I'm going to open my heart to the women who are here. But I also told myself: I'm not talking to them. I'm not bothering them. I'm not picking them up. I'm not asking for numbers. I'm not approaching. Then I remembered that when I'd told a couple of people that plan, they said, you were at the opposite extreme before — you were just hunting — and now you're not doing anything. Maybe you need to be in the middle. Don't go around hunting, but if you see a woman who you think really would like you to approach her, that special situation is different. Don't ignore her.
And then I heard this woman talking. She was talking about content creation. Now, with most women, my first thought has not been, how could I help them? It's been the opposite. Almost all the time with women in my life, my first thought has been, how could they help me? — and I'd have an idea of what they could do for me. When I saw this woman, I thought, I know what I can do for her, and I want to help her. And I walked up to her and said, "I heard you talking about content creation. Are you a content creator?"
I shared about being a YouTuber, and I started immediately trying to help her. Okay, what are you doing? How are you doing it? Well, here are some ideas. And we talked for an hour. We exchanged numbers. And we planned a date.
Then I woke up the next morning just sobbing. I was like, that's my queen. That's my woman. And I know it. I know that's my woman. I've known how all the other women I've gone out with this year have not been my woman. And I was just crying, because I feel the same way about her as I do about my kids. Now, my kids make perfect sense, because they're my kids. But my mind was going, this makes no sense. You just met this woman. What are you doing? And there were whole days of back and forth in my mind saying, this is crazy, you've got to hold back. But my heart was saying, I'm opening to this woman. I'm going to give everything I've got to her. And I'm not going to get into any of that closed-hearted, guarded stuff.
So I told her all of this yesterday. And she responded really well to it. I felt so disgustingly vulnerable telling her all this stuff. I said, I know how this is going to sound. There's love bombing, and this is going to sound like something beyond that. And she said, it doesn't sound like love bombing. She felt so much from it too. We cried together. She shared some things as well — and that's up to her to share.
A Dinner That Felt Scripted
And we went out to dinner. About a month ago, I met with a guy one time to talk about love and to set my intentions. And this guy was sitting there at the restaurant, a few tables away, when we sat down for dinner — the first time we'd gone out on a dinner date together. We had taken a walk, and we'd gone to yoga and gone to coffee, but this was the first time we went to a dinner date together, and this guy is sitting right there. I'm like, whoa. So I told him, this feels scripted — that you're sitting here. I talked with you about love. I talked about the woman I wanted, the queen that I wanted. And then I just met her. I just talked to her about all of that. And you're here right now at dinner. I'm like, wow.
And then, as I'm helping her with her work, she's sharing about her faith. And I told her, I need your help with faith. Because she's just such a light. And she's working on opening her heart, too. I told her, I don't know what you did, but you just smashed my heart open. All the guardrails and all the safety mechanisms just came right off, and here I am, loving 100%. And I want her help with faith, because especially when I got sober, I got really deep into faith, but I've wandered a bit lately. Oh, I feel like I'm home now. This is the character I want to be, and this is how I want to feel.
This morning, I slept in. Every day, I've been the one to message her first. And this morning she messaged me at the exact same time I messaged her — the exact same minute, we both sent each other a message. And I'm just like, thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing us together — that her faith in you, Jesus, helped her to be ready, and you helped connect the two of us. Thank you. When I cried out, you heard me, and you helped put us together.
I Want to Give This Energy in My Videos
And I want to keep doing my videos with this kind of energy. Because I watched a video with this energy earlier, and it brought this energy out of me. So many videos on YouTube have the opposite energy — closed-hearted energy. I don't want that. I want to give this in my videos. So I'm thinking, please, God, tell me how — well, I guess starting with this one, to begin. My first thought was, I don't want to do a video like this. I don't want to do a video with a wet hanky, crying all over the place. I look weak. But no — I want to do a video like this. I want to really give all that I have to give.
This woman has just pulled the desire to give out of me. With just about every other woman, it's been, I want to take from her. With this woman, it's, I want to give to her. And with my videos, a lot of times it's been, I want to take from my audience. Now it's, I want to give to my audience. I want to give. I really have so much to give. The video from today's church with Dr. Pulley — I just cried for 30 minutes listening to that video. And I'm like, that's what I can do too. So I pray today: please let me keep giving like this. I'm sure that if I can give like this in my videos, that's all that matters.
That's what Dr. Pulley was talking about — or is it Bishop? Maybe it's both. He was talking about being a witness. I'm a witness. I'm here. I'm not here to tell you what to do or how to live your life. I'm here, if you want me, to witness — to witness your life and love your life and respect your life. I'm here to lead by example, like this last week. I'm so glad I've been recording this every day, to be accountable and so I can remember this too. If you want to follow along with these daily videos, they're all in my Life playlist.
I love you. Thank you for being here.