Men, we need to talk about some hard truths in online dating. These lessons will save you a lot of time and money. This is my honest experience, not a guarantee.
Photos and premium aren't optional
First, there's almost no point using dating apps without professional photos. If you won't spend the money on them, you're wasting your time — you're judged almost entirely on pictures, and the competition among men is brutal, with the guys at the top getting nearly all the matches. Second, you need premium. If one match is good enough for you, that's fine, but if you want real results, going premium plus optimizing your photos can mean ten to twenty times more matches.
The shirtless-photo experiment
I was getting almost no matches with crappy selfies and no physique pictures — which is silly, because I do power yoga, eat whole-food plant-based, and take care of myself, especially for a 41-year-old dad. The moment I added one shirtless photo from a yoga class, I got my best match almost immediately. You don't need perfect abs — I've still got a little bit of love handles — but visible muscle and low fat get you in the door. Compare my selfies to my YouTube footage: I look far better on camera because I paid attention to lighting and spent real money on it. The same applies to dating photos.
It's multiplicative — or go meet people in person
The results multiply: premium times a physique photo times professional lighting and lifestyle shots that signal you have value to offer. A regular guy with regular selfies gets a tiny fraction of the matches of a guy who's optimized all three. If you're not willing to go all the way, you're better off skipping the apps and meeting women in person — because in person, especially through shared communities or friends over months, a woman gets to know you and your looks matter less. On apps, your pictures are everything. So either present your best self fully, or stick to meeting in person. If you want to talk it through, watch my dating playlist here.