What I Hear When You Say "I'm Busy"
Never say that you're busy again. Anytime someone tells me, "Oh, I'm busy," here's what I hear: "You don't really care about me. You're not interested. You're not running your life very well. You're overwhelmed. You're wasting your time, and you're not very good at putting your life together." Now hold on — I am a single dad who is a full-time YouTuber. I get having lots of things to do. But if you ask me to do something I'm interested in doing, I'll never say I'm busy.
I want you to start thinking about where your life has gone already — how much time has already passed through the hourglass that you are never going to get back. People often say on their deathbed that they felt like life passed in five minutes. I'm like, how the hell am I 42 already? It didn't seem like that long ago that I was 18, that I was 21, that I was 30. And what I can see today is that absolutely nothing is worth taking on something that forces you to be busy — whether it's a job or a relationship. Now, I get that you're not going to be available all the time for everything. But what's important is that everything you're doing should be something you're really happy and excited to do, where there's nothing else you'd rather do.
I live that way myself. I'm very enthusiastic about everything I'm doing, and I don't ever tell anyone I'm busy either. I say "I'm not interested in doing that," or "no thanks," or "I'm not going to make time for that." My language is very clear that I am in control of my time.
How I Make Time for What Matters
For example, there's a woman I met a few weeks ago. She hadn't talked to me in a little while after not responding to my messages, and then suddenly she showed up and asked me to do three different things. I'm single, this woman is 19 years younger than me, I think she's pretty, and she's fun. Thankfully, the way I run my life, I had time — I wasn't doing anything else. I spent like four hours with her that day, and I just did my work the next day.
I have kids too, so there are times when I'm not going to be there to parent my children — being a divorced dad, I parent 50 percent of the time — and sometimes I have to get some help. My friend that I paid for dating coaching asked, as part of it, if I wanted to go to standup comedy and perform there. She asked me to do that right when I normally have my kids. So I asked my mom, "Can you come hang out with my kids?" And she said yes. So I went to go do the comedy. To me, it's always about: what is the most fun I could be having? How could I help people the most right now? And I make time with my kids a priority too. I generally don't schedule much while I have my kids, but if there's something I really want to do, I'll go do it — either I'll bring my kids along, or I'll help someone else like my mom have a good time with my kids too.
Is There Anything Better You Could Be Doing Right Now?
What I hope this is helping you see is that you should always be asking: is there anything better you could be doing right now? Now, I know that could be scary if you're at a job you don't like and you're saying, "Hell yes, there's something better I could be doing right now than this job." I'd encourage you to figure out a way to either make that job into one where there's nothing else you'd rather be doing, or quit that job. I talked to a friend recently who was in that exact place. Financially, he has no debt, he has thousands of dollars saved up, and he has an incredibly affordable living situation that's very flexible — I guess I should just say he lives in a van — and he was so scared to quit his job. I'm like, listen, you don't have time to work a job you don't like. Life is too short to work a job you don't like. Never do anything as a means to an end. Never just do something to get something, because your life will go by so fast that whatever you tried to get with whatever you were doing will slip right through.
Now, the key thing people tell me is that I've broken out of survival mindset. To me, saying you're busy indicates one of three things: either you're in survival mindset, or you're trying to hide behind saying no by saying you're busy, or you're trying to make yourself look important by saying you're busy. But all of those fail on me. If you tell me you're busy, I interpret it as something personal — that you have no interest.
Don't Hide Behind "Busy"
Back when I was still asking women out, I matched with a woman on Hinge before I deleted dating apps, and she said, "Oh, my calendar's full this week." I'm like, no, it's not. You don't want to hang out with me. It's dishonest to tell me your calendar's full when I know it's not. Yes, she has work, but if she had really wanted to make time for me, she would have. And sure enough, when I texted her a slightly confrontational message — "Sounds like you're not interested anymore, which is fine" — then she's like, "Oh, well, we could do something." Don't hide behind busy as a shield for being uninterested. Be honest when you're not interested. That's why now I only follow up when women express an interest. And if a woman asked me to do something and I wasn't interested, I'd say, "No thanks, I'm not interested in spending time with you," or something like that — because it's true. And it's not up to me whether that hurts her feelings. If that's the truth, I'd rather we just say the truth than hide behind awkward things like "Oh, I'm busy" and then hope the other person figures out the meaning behind it. Because busy has so many different meanings.
Some people are busy, and literally they're working and parenting their children. I know a number of single parents, and they don't have much free time. You could find a living situation that's cheaper and free up your time. Or you could do what I've done — and I want to be clear this is just my personal approach, not financial advice for anyone else — and borrow money so you don't have to work for a while, and then set yourself up with things like one-on-one calls, videos, content, blog posts, AI games, and investments. Set yourself up so that you don't have to work. If I had a temporary shortfall of income, I'd borrow as much money as I could get my hands on so that I keep control of my time. Because here's the thing: I'm not going to let go of control of my time. Even if I ran out of money — which I think is unlikely, especially since I still have like $60,000 in credit — I'm willing to borrow all of it. And if for some reason I couldn't make everything work financially, I'll tell you the last thing I'd be doing, and that's working a job that I didn't enjoy so much that I'd be happy to do it for free.
You see, I do all these videos that get turned into blog posts because I would do them for free. Because I care about doing them. Because if I can help you stop saying you're busy, stop throwing your life away, and start asking about everything you do — is there anything better I could be doing right now? — that's worth it. Like right now, there's nothing better I could be doing, at least that doesn't involve other people. Maybe I could have a beautiful woman over at my place, but I haven't turned down any offers for that, last I checked. And therefore, there's nothing better I could think to be doing than trying to help you unfuck your life. That's the best thing I could be doing: communicating a message to you that might be helpful, because people have done the same for me and dramatically changed my life.
Speak the Way You Want to Live
You don't have to go around being rude, but you can also say, "That's not a priority for me right now." I had a woman give me that exact answer. I asked her out — before I stopped asking women out — and she said, "Yeah, I just don't have time for that now." Let's just be honest and always go around with that mindset. Because even if you're only giving excuses to people, that language reflects that you are living that way. If women ask if I want to go out this week and I go around saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that, I'm busy" — well, then aren't I going to be living that way in my own head? If I'm busy, what happens when something I want to do comes along? Am I going to say I'm busy on that? You see, you want to think the way you want to live, and you want to speak the way you want to live. So when I share this, hear me: I am never busy. My life is always full of things I want to do, and I'm never busy. I would rather live in my car and roam the streets than go around saying I'm busy.
And that's why I give money to homeless people. Because I see you, my brothers, my sisters — I see you. You're not willing to put up with this bullshit and live a busy life doing what somebody else thinks you should do all the time. I see you. So when I see somebody homeless, I give them $20. I make homeless people's days all the time. Even though I'm borrowing that money — hey, they need it right now, and I don't.
I encourage you: instead of saying "I'm busy," say "I'm not interested in doing that," or "No, thank you." Just straight up say it. If someone asks, "Hey, do you want to go do that?" — "No, thank you." I don't need to say I'm busy and dress it up. I can just say no. "No, thank you" is a complete sentence. I have a life that is pretty full, but at the same time, I always have time to do what I want to do. Like right now, I have a couple of things I'm going to tonight, and I could drop either one of them if something better came along. I've found some of the most interesting things I could think to do tonight: I'm going out to Entrepreneur Social Club, and then I'm going to contact improv. That's the best stuff I could find to do tonight. And if I found something better to do — nobody expects me at those events — I'd just drop them. I invite you to raise the standard in your life. I want you to start looking at your time like it's a piece of gold.
Treat Your Time Like Pieces of Gold
Watch videos like they're pieces of gold, too. My videos are meant to be pieces of gold — if you watch my videos over and over, you will get an absolutely incredible attitude for approaching life successfully. That's why I make my videos. And it seems there are a number of people who aren't interested in having an attitude that works to successfully approach life and to really enjoy life. A lot of people are just zombies, mindlessly going about one activity or another. I encourage you: audit your time. Stop being a zombie. Question everything you spend your time doing.
Now, I'm not saying you should outsource and hire other people to free up your time, either. I vacuumed my car today, and I love vacuuming my car — because it's my car, and I enjoy taking care of it. I could pay somebody else to detail it with more of my credit. But if I can take care of my own car, I'd rather do it, because it's satisfying, and I'm going to enjoy cleaning my car more than somebody who's getting paid to clean it would. I try to never generate the demand — never pay somebody to do something that I wouldn't want to do myself if I were them. Which is why I'm so grateful for AI, because AI can do things like graphic design, and it can just do incredible things today. So I don't have to pay people for it, which is awesome.
I'm Not Busy — I Have Time for You
So I hope you'll never say you're busy again. I hope the next time the words "I'm busy" come out of your mouth, you correct that. And if you want to have a life like that, here's what I love: I can not be busy, and yet I've got time to talk to you. What's cool is I would do these calls for free, because I love the calls I have. But charging stops people from no-showing most of the time. I tried free calls before, and half the time people wouldn't show up. So I charge for a 30-minute call now, and you know what? Ninety-five percent of the time people show up, and I get paid. All I need is an hour or so of calls scheduled in a day, and I get the rest of my time to do whatever I want with. I want to help you — I'm available to help you have that lifestyle. Because the more you say you're busy, the less you're able to see the opportunities you would be able to access if you weren't busy.
We can talk about how to use AI to just crank things out — like the blockchain game I made today — how to create a life you love, how to get clear about your business, how to set your health up, and how to get out there and tell your story the way I tell mine in my Life playlist.
So I'm here. Whenever you want to talk, I have time for you — because I'm not busy.