So these are my customers. I need to stick a paper in their box — need to put the paper right in their box hole. Let's see how good we are at sticking it in on Monday. All right, so we need to dunk one right in his fucking box — yes! That's how you deliver papers from now on. That's how you deliver papers, shit. Put one through the window, and if you put one through the window they cancel. They're like, "Oh, fuck you, don't be throwing papers through my window, you dumb paper boy." Shit. Don't run into the gravestones, either — like, who the fuck's buried out in front of this bitch, you know what I'm saying? All right, put it in, slide it in, and not the window — yes, stuck it right in there. So we've got to expand our territory. I'm so glad I was able to get this to work.
Oh, put it right in there. Fuck. There we go, got it. Come on, put it right in this fucking box — yes! What kind of exercise is that shit? Oh my goodness. All right, we've got to not break any windows. Right about there — yes. Right now — fuck this dog. Fuck that dog. Wait, that counts? You don't have to put it in the mailbox — you just throw it onto the front door, and I guess they'll pick it up, won't they? Here — oh, that one doesn't count, though. I don't understand that. I guess I don't need to understand everything. Let's get out of the road. Come on, I'm sprinting. All right, come on, I'm canning. Come on, baby, go schnell. Knock the fucking papers over — oh my god. Get it over there, bitch, get over there. Fuck, my face is in front of it — no, it's not. Oh, thank God, I actually finished it. The last time I warmed up doing this before the stream, I wrecked right before the finish line. I'm like, come on, man.
Right in His Box or Her Box
Stars. What the fuck are y'all ungrateful pricks canceling for? Did they cancel because I missed my paper deliveries? Son of a bitch. Yeah, this is some real old-school 1985 shit — like when I was a year old. Put it right in his box, or her box. Right in the box. There we go, good. All right, we got all the way through that first one. Damn. Can I stick a paper in this dog's face? There we go. Oh, that counts — it's right next to the newspaper stand, so it counts. Okay, good. Oh shit, skateboarder. All right, let's see how many customers we can have by the end of the week. I'm driving crazy — shit. I've got full papers.
Why Is There a Tornado in the Middle of the Street?
I don't know what — why the fuck is there a tornado? Somebody explain why the fuck there is a tornado. Shit, right in this dog's face. Why is there a tornado in the middle of the street? Come on, Paperboy, that's just not realistic. Stick it in his box, right in his box — fuck, it went in the garage. Yes. What is this guy doing on the lawn, trying to suck himself or something? Like, what is he doing with that? Oh, you know — wouldn't you do it, if you could? Oh, God. Shit, there's a skateboarder. Fuck. All right, so we're trying to maximize our score here. I like how the skateboarder and the remote-control — what is that, a cat or a rabbit? — teamed up to shit on me. Damn, there's a tire. I don't need to quit playing with all this shit. No — broke their window. They'll cancel now, turns out. Whoa, what's that guy doing? Did he just catch his wife cheating or something? Yes, I let that dog have it — what? There's a fucking grim reaper.
The Grim Reaper Wants My Paper Route
Chat told me, "Jerry, you can't say fuck anymore, I think you reached the limit." But there's a grim reaper. Literally the grim reaper, while I'm trying to deliver papers. That seems a little bit unreasonable, don't you think? Like, why does the grim reaper give a shit about my little paper delivery business? We're talking — I updated my route. Right in his box, or her box — preferably her box, right? And it went in. Let's see how much more shit we've got. The grim reaper — anybody else? Can I — oh fuck, I threw papers by accident. Oh, I got one in by accident. Fuck. Quit teaming up on me — the tire, what is that little bastard? All right, I'm out of lives. We're out of lives. Let's see how far we got. There's a tornado — what kind of Midwestern shit neighborhood is this, where there's — fuck this guy skateboarding. How many times has somebody — I should have a fuck counter.
This game can give you things. Really, this game is just to drop papers in their boxes — you want to get as many papers in the boxes as you can. That is a really — that is a — no, I did not hit that. Oh, this is a demo. I'm like, I did not throw a paper — the game was playing itself. Can I pick new customers up by giving them a paper, like a free preview? You know how your drug dealer gives you a hit of crack and then gets you hooked? Not that I'd know, because I have no idea. I'm not going to do that. I'm like, I'm not going to do that — I've never done crack. But I imagine if I did, that would be a way this worked. Oh, my bike-riding skills have gotten better. I used to get shit on playing this game as a kid.
I just finished listening to Richard Pryor stand-up, man — that shit was funny. I listened to Eddie Murphy and then Richard Pryor. Eddie Murphy said Richard Pryor inspired him to do comedy. Oh shit, I forgot — no, the manhole! Damn. Little dead paper boy. I'll be laying bodies out — you'll see little paper boys dead all over the neighborhood. Right in his box, oh yeah. All right, up the gut — let's take it right up the gut. No — why is there a block right there? What is the point of these things? These give you points or some shit. Jump it — good. Give me all the way, then — yes! Wow, he flew. Holy shit, he got some air. We made it to the finish, my friends. No newspaper is going to have me delivering their shit after everybody cancels. Oh yeah. Like, seriously, what is that guy doing on the street? I can't think of anything else except he's trying to, like, get himself off. Fuck you. These old Nintendo games really get me.
Why Am I in Heaven Right Now?
Oh, I'm out of lives. We're on our last life. All right, this is our last chance. I'm going to ride this shit fast. Come on. Right — he's jacking the concrete right there. All right, stick it right in their box. Oh yeah, right in there. I like how the frame rate drops to like 12 frames per second on this thing. Going to the game store, I'm like, okay — I play video games for my job, I have wonderful kids and a wife that I love so much. I'm like, I definitely am in heaven right now, which is a little concerning. I'm like, why am I in heaven? Did I die? Did I kill myself before? Like, why am I in heaven right now? Oh yeah, we even slayed that dog. Like, why am I in heaven — what happened? Yeah, nice. We got up to 18,000 on this. We got to Wednesday. I'm going to look at my old Paperboy games to make sure I keep up with my competition. All right, there we go. Let's go back in.
It is a beautiful feeling, because I remember before thinking, I'm definitely in hell right now — like, this is miserable and horrible. Right in his paper box — stuck it in. But tell me, what do you think that guy in the blue is doing? What is he doing on his back in the middle of the sidewalk? Nice, slid by that trash can, got that paper in. Let's go, Paperboy. I believe that we will win. I love these old-school games. Stick it in. Oh shit. Janice said, "I feel that way too when I get to play games." No — I'm out of newspapers. Fuck, I missed the stack of newspapers. Oh, all these assholes are going to cancel now. Get over there — there we go, nice. Oh, it's like nothing's happening and I just run into this fucking gray thing right here. Go on. Yo, man, it's so — what's up — it's so ridiculous in life. Oh, get away from me, I didn't fuck your wife! How are you mistaking the paper boy for somebody that screwed your wife, sir? It wasn't me. Shit — broke his window and delivered his paper, dude.
How I Went From Grateful to $200,000 in Debt
It was so strange, the progression I went through, which is why I tell you about it. Fucking right in his box — yes. It was so strange how my life changed. Yes, there we go. So I felt so broken, like I didn't have enough, when I'd worked online for so long, and my finances manifested that. In 2014 I got sober, started being really grateful, loving my life, appreciating all my opportunities — and my finances by 2000— shit — by 2016 I'd made the most money in one year I'd ever made. I made more than every other year of my life combined, and I'd been working since I was in high school. In 2016, after just a year and a half of being really grateful and doing whatever I could to help people, in one year I made more than I'd made in my entire life combined.
Then I lost the main source of that income. I got banned off my Udemy profile, and I started to not be grateful anymore. I'm like, this is bullshit — this was such a great thing, and it got taken away. But I still managed to kind of hang on and coast for 2017 and 2018. Then I got real ungrateful and real scared. I started to think — even though at this time I had no credit card debt, no business loans, I'd paid down like $50,000 of Laura's student loans, and basically there was no reason outside of a little uncertainty for the future to be feeling how I was feeling — I felt so broke and so defeated and so down that I was wondering how I could even pay my bills, despite everything I'd made in the previous years. So at the end of 2018 I started feeling real broken, like I didn't have enough. Shit — oh, we almost had a perfect delivery on Tuesday.
So at the end of 2018 I started feeling real ungrateful, real pissed off at the world, real victimized. Like, bullshit Udemy banned me. Bullshit, these crypto people are such cheaters and liars and thieves. And I started wondering how I was going to pay my bills, and I borrowed a whole bunch of money to try and make more money than ever. And within a year — so within like a year of feeling really down and ungrateful about my finances — I was in the worst financial position of my life, completely self-created: over $200,000 in debt racked up in one year on an ambitious startup project that didn't work out very well. And I went to the bankruptcy lawyer. I felt so broke, too. I was trying to, like, fake being wealthy — you know, where you buy stuff to try and feel like you're wealthy, but really you're trying to prove to yourself that you're not broke. Oh — I went at the end of the year to see a bankruptcy lawyer because I could barely make the minimum payments. Laura and I had like $10,000 a month in minimum payments.
I was paying up to 17 percent interest. And after seeing the bankruptcy lawyer, something amazing happened. I realized — even though, shit, even though I've done my very best to screw up all these incredible opportunities, even this one — despite all I've done, I still have everything I need. I still have food. I still have a wonderful wife. I still can pay the bills for my kids.
Seventeen and a Half Thousand a Year for Drama
For example, one thing I did during 2019 — and this is the kind of bill I was paying for my kids — was have my daughter go to this private school with $17,500 a year in tuition. How fucking stupid was that, when I could have sent her to a pre-K school for free? And guess what happened at this private school: a group of parents got pissed off at what I wrote on my blog, and the police came to my house because these parents said the craziest shit to them — that they thought I might be violent and a threat. The police came to my fucking house when I'm spending $17,500 a year at this private school. This drama and gossip got insane. That's an example of how I ran myself $200,000 into debt in one year.
This Is True Wealth
I realized then, at the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020: I have utterly destroyed my finances, and still I have everything I need. Shit. I'm like, this is true wealth. To see that I could do without money — that I could have a very happy life even if I didn't use money — and that I have people in my life that love me and that I love: that's true wealth. Money can come and go. Material things can come and go. But having love in my heart and loving people, that's true wealth. And what has happened since then has been amazing. The highest-interest-rate debt Laura and I have now is 7.2 percent — it was 17. We've paid down like 70 or 80 thousand in principal, maybe even a hundred thousand by now.
But the whole message from this is that my external reality is driven by my internal reality. I would argue that my internal reality causes my external reality — that if my internal reality is broke, my external reality will be perceived as not enough, and if my internal reality is grateful and wealthy, my external reality will reflect that back. So that's why I tell you about this: because I want you to be able to see how powerful you are in creating your life. And I'm so grateful that I've got what I have to share today with you, instead of complaining about the state of the world. I think the world's a fun, interesting place. The world is hilarious and ridiculous, and we could sit here and tear apart the things that are asinine or irrational or wrong about the world all day, but I think there's enough other people that have that covered, don't you think? There's enough other people that are doing a great job at that already. Yes — he was looking to slug me, he was looking to punch me off this bike, but we got away.
Grateful for $650,000 in Debt
And what's really cool is I even managed to find — I posted a video on TikTok saying how grateful I was to have $600,000 in debt, like, between my wife and I, including our mortgage. That video went viral, and people thought I was insane. See it — oh, we got through. The best thing about a dark space is that it's not a dark space — it's a dark space like mine was. Yeah, I got really dark and really depressed and really fucking annoyed with my finances right before I took full responsibility. I'm like, I did this shit to myself. I did this to myself. The decisions I made got me where I'm at today. And there's a great value in being down. When I'm down, I often am much more teachable. I'm willing to consider other points of view. I'm very empathetic and compassionate for other people.
So I posted a video on TikTok saying I'm so grateful to have $650,000 in debt, because — shit, fuck, this guy just came out of his house and knocked me over — I learned very valuable lessons. For example, I used to just buy almost everything new. Nice, we got that one in. I used to just buy almost everything new — I didn't even consider buying stuff used most of the time — and I also didn't think about small amounts of money as being something that mattered. That's the kind of lesson I take with me from a dead paper boy, a tornado, and a grim reaper on my Games playlist.
For example, at the time — I'm not interested in winning the lottery. I think if I really wanted to, I could dream the winning lottery numbers and win $400 million, but I don't want to. That'd be boring. That'd be too easy. Shit, I like it rough. I like a little bit of a challenge.