Hopping Right Into Resident Evil Village
Let's hop right into the game. New game, hop in on standard, let's get it baby — let's see what happens. The opening describes the setting as "dark yet regal," and I had to stop and ask what regal even means. I need to look that up. Alexa, what does regal mean? Oh, she's straight reading a story right now — that makes sense. "In a blink the girl was trapped." No, a regal definition, not Regal Cinemas. She's asleep. Regal means fit for a monarch. Well, that's definitely not good.
Get down — oh damn, they're just gonna start this game out killing my in-game wife. That's messed up. That's real messed up. Damn. Oh god, wow. I was reading about the new character, sorry — I mean, she's already got shot quite a bit. Why? Well, that's one hell of a start to the game. Yeah, this is real rude. All clear. Rose — what the hell are you doing with my daughter? "If I can secure it, sir." "Take him away." "Get your hands off her!" "Ethan, no!" They're trying to start this off like John Wick. His first ten minutes have been watching cutscenes and having my wife get killed in-game.
By the way, I've had a lot of beans today, so I'm really gassy — don't worry about that. Gas is good. Beans are good. If I could boil weight loss advice down to a simple call to action in your diet, it's this: make sure to eat some beans every day.
Ew. Why am I looking to see if there's a dick or not on this horse? What the — oh, is there a dick on this horse? Just curious, you know, just wondering if it's a male or a female horse. I always hope I can help somebody have a laugh on my stream. I hear laughter is the best medicine, and I believe it — Louise Hay told a story about a man who cured himself of cancer with laughter. And no, I don't need to put an 18+ label on my stream. If you're watching this game to start with, you should be able to handle the F-word and all of its friends.
This Game Gets Grim Fast
This is grim right now. This is not a good start to this game for you, dude. He lost a finger already. He lost a finger and his wife, and he doesn't know where his kid is. This is bad. This is real bad. Jesus Christ, this is intense — I can't finish this thing already, dude. I missed too many shots right there. Holy, this is intense, man. Oh damn, you can't click — all right, this is getting intense now. Oh nice, we got shotgun ammo now. Damn, I'm getting bit again. I probably don't want to be right next to this, do I? Damn these things. I need to trap them in here — I need to trap them in this house and then blow it up. Is there a way I can do that? All right, here, let's see — can we get them in here and blow this up? Damn, did that not even kill this one? Son of a — good god, there's a big-ass one. This is crazy. Look how big that one is. That's the key with everything: now we just gotta keep going. We gotta keep going.
Why I Do My Live Stream
We're in the middle of a lifetime here, and part of it is just thinking about why. Why do you want to do your live stream, or anything in life? Nice — that was something I think I can open a gate with, isn't it? I do my live stream because I want to share my experience with recovery from alcoholism. I want to talk about how I lost 80 pounds and have kept it off. My live stream is a teaching tool. It's an opportunity to share my experience in a unique way to help somebody feel better, and that's what kind of makes my stream interesting. I'm also very open-minded — I'll stream with my shirt off, I'll put a tube top on. If you want people to watch, you really need to stand out somehow.
Haters, Money, and What Actually Matters
I scrolled through my notifications to see if there was anything significant I ought to really take note of, and one of the comments I managed to see was some guy saying "you fucking suck at games, you're just a drug addict" or something like that — and I banned him from the page. But damn, not everybody thinks I'm the greatest. Not everybody at AA meetings thinks I have great shares. Some people are like, "God, would this dude just shut the fuck up right now." I've had lots of people watch my stuff, and I can tell you all that stuff really doesn't matter that much.
As long as I have enough money, more money doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether I'm getting a hundred or a thousand or ten thousand a day from my videos, or zero. Almost all of my live streams have made zero to ten dollars — at least half of all the live streams I've ever done have made zero to ten dollars — and there are maybe five or ten streams I've done that have made more than a thousand dollars one way or another. What really matters is: am I enjoying my life? Am I helping other people? That's what really matters.
"Outsiders! You're gonna get us all killed!" Oh shit — he just turned into a zombie right now. Damn, this shit's crazy. Yeah, he's fucking this whole room up. Oh my god. How am I not a zombie by now? Oh, good job killing your father. Nice work. Shit. Finish him — yeah, there you go. We put this fire out. Is this gonna be my new wife right here?
You Didn't Fail — You Succeeded in Trying
A viewer named Capo shared that he bought everything he needed to stream, got discouraged, returned it the next day, and felt like he failed. No — you didn't fail, man. You succeeded. You succeeded in trying. You succeeded in taking a step. And you know how many times I've done the same thing? Twice — twice — I have sold all my shit for gaming. Once I sold my entire streaming setup and filming setup. Three times I have bought gaming stuff. It's a running joke for my wife that when I buy a new gaming console, she wonders when I'm going to be giving it away.
In 2017, I got really burnt out on gaming. I gave or sold all of my gaming stuff away. I sent my brother the old retro systems in the mail, and I think some of them got lost. Then I bought it all again — I had a PlayStation 4, bought another one of those, bought a Nintendo Switch, bought a new Xbox One. Bought all of it again. Then in 2019, when I was getting frustrated with nobody watching my live streams, I sold or gave all of it away again. And then last year, I sold my entire streaming setup.
All right — then I started doing my show in person. And the last show I did in person, nobody showed up. I did a couple of shows; not one person showed up. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I have all these people who want to watch my videos online. Why am I trying to get people to come watch my shows in person when I've got all these people that I built up online for years? So then I felt like a total fucking lunatic: for the third time, I'm going to buy all of my gaming stuff back — and not only that, but this time buy a whole new live streaming studio setup, when my finances are the worst they've ever been. This seems like a really dumbass idea. But I didn't have any better ideas. And since I didn't have any better ideas, that's what I did.
Can we put this bitch in reverse or something? Oh shit — all right, we just busted through that. So I feel like a massive success, because when you really love doing something, you'll find out by trying to quit. If you try to quit doing it twice and end up doing it anyway — I tried to quit gaming. I quit. I gave all my stuff away or sold all of it. I guess this is my thing, because it just won't leave me alone. I can't quit it. It's okay to do stuff and change your mind. There's a lot to be said for having the courage to try something and have it not go as planned — and to even look stupid. You know how stupid I've looked in the process of doing all the stuff I do live over the years?
Drinking My Blood and Devouring the Men
I mean, from the outside looking at these characters, I think what they should do is just have sex and enjoy the time they've got left before they die. That seems like the best idea. Oh — that's not good. That sucks, right? This game's fucked up. This is like some Final Destination shit right here. It is too much. Great god, this game is wild. Yeah, you're gonna need lots — you might want to be talking to Jesus even more than that. Holy shit, and we're going underground right now, huh? Damn, they're shooting arrows at me. Holy shit, how is this guy still alive? Oh my god, this village is rough.
"Mother, I bring you fresh water." "Pray you are so kind to me, daughters." "Well, Ethan Winters — you escaped my little brother's idiot games. Let's see how special you are." Damn, she's drinking my blood. Starting to feel a little woozy. "Then let's devour his men. Punish him quickly, Mother." I guess the game is called Resident Evil — what else could she be referring to with that statement? I am a cannibal, I eat boys up, you better run. I am cannibal, I eat boys up. Damn, I'm straight-up hooked. That's fucked right there.
One of the Grimmest Games I've Played Lately
Oh my god, that's even worse. That is even worse right now. Holy shit, you need more than a health potion right now — yeah, you need something. Holy shit, this is grim. One of the more grim games I've played lately. This is a good game for Friday the 13th. I can't shoot her — I'll close this door. Damn, she goes through doors. "I can't hold back any longer." This bitch is rude. It's rude, man — she just cut my ass. Damn, she cut my ass again. Oh shit. Damn, she's having her way with me. Did I use another chem potion? Come on. Oh shit — oh my god, I got away from her. "It was quite peculiar." Damn — what the fuck is that in there? That's nasty. And I respect that I chose to look in there. I didn't need to look in there. I chose to look in there, and that's fucked up. This is a tiny-ass little room I'm in, and she's cutting the shit out of me. Can I get out of here, or do we just need to try and shoot her some more? Oh nice, I just shoved her. Damn, she's freezing up right there — oh, you've got to shoot her in front of that. Nice. Right in front of this cold vent, she froze up and died. Wow, that's cool. All right, we just got through that one.
I don't know whether this game is getting a little bit better or I'm just getting used to it now. Either way, I'm straight-up hooked on Resident Evil Village, and if you enjoyed riding along through the scares and the creator talk in between, there are plenty more sessions like this one waiting for you on my Games playlist.