I matched with someone on Hinge who looked beautiful in her photos, and I was excited to meet — she even said she already knew me in person. But when we met up, she looked very different from her profile, and I'll be honest: it hurt and disappointed me. The real point of this, though, isn't about her appearance. It's about honesty.
Be honest on your dating profile
Her pictures looked like they were from years ago, and the dishonesty bothered me far more than the difference itself. I know exactly why someone puts up their most flattering old photos to hook a match and hope to convert it — but it sets everyone up for disappointment. My own profile is rigorously honest: current photos, my real age, my real height. It's tempting to shave off years or add a couple inches to match people I'd otherwise never reach, but lying poisons the foundation.
The mirror it held up
What hit hardest was recognizing my own past deception. When I met my ex-wife on Match 15 years ago, I lied — I called myself a "social drinker" when I was an alcoholic drinking most nights, because I knew the truth would repulse the woman I wanted. Being honest then would have either gotten me rejected (pushing me to fix myself) or matched me with someone who drank like I did. The value of honesty is that it brings the right people close and pushes the wrong ones away. I also had to face an ugliness in myself: I mostly pay attention to people who fit my criteria, and I barely registered this woman despite having seen her many times — that's worth being honest about too.
Self-love isn't delusion
She framed her weight around self-love and acceptance. I told her I love myself too — and for me that means saying no to ultra-processed food, cutting meat to almost zero, eating whole-food plant-based (after reading How Not to Die), and staying sober. I used to be 80 pounds overweight; now I'm 170 at five-foot-eleven with real cardio and muscle. To me, self- love means treating the body like a car and putting the right fuel in it, not staying in the delusion I once lived in. This experience stirred a genuine desire to help people lose weight, because I've done it and kept it off for a decade. The lesson stands: never be dishonest on your dating profile — and if you don't want to post a current photo, that may be a sign to work on becoming someone you'd be proud to be honest about. If you want help, you can reach me through my dating playlist here.