The Day I Wanted Two Wives
I had a bit of a rough day yesterday. I got some ideas in my head that were bothering me. I was thinking how nice it'd be to have two wives instead of one, and I got all screwed up taking that thought seriously. Instead of respecting the current arrangement I have and being grateful for it, I talked to a bunch of people and asked for help. I called a bunch of people in AA. I shared about it at the AA meeting. And then I finally talked to my wife about it.
As you can imagine, she was a bit hurt with my line of thinking, and we had a good talk. I asked her, "Don't you have thoughts you feel bad about?" She said, "No, I don't. I don't feel bad about the thoughts I have. They're just thoughts. I'm not going to do anything about them." Then she said, "I don't need to hear about your exact thoughts unless you're planning on doing something about it." Which, of course, I'm not planning on doing anything about. I'm very happy where I am. It's just that sometimes we get in these really bad mental places in our lives, and that's when we need people around us. We need to talk about it and get people around us to help us get out of those spots. And then, by doing that, we can help other people, too.
I need my wife. I need her perspective. I need her perspective on what she needs to hear about and what she doesn't need to hear about. She doesn't need to hear about the exact quality of my thoughts or the exact details of them unless it's something I'm taking action on. She'll be happy with more of a general summary. Like, she asked yesterday, "What are you thinking?" And I gave her the exact picture: "Oh, I'm thinking it'd be nice to have two wives, and here's my idea for who the second one should be." She said, "Yeah, I don't need to hear about that in the future unless you're really taking action. I'm not taking that seriously. You can talk to your sponsor. You can talk to your people at AA. You can share about that in a meeting. I don't really need to know about it."
And I like that. I think it's nice to be real and to have a relationship where we're considerate of others, but also where we share enough that we really understand each other. My wife thinks about me and is afraid, and thinks about me leaving her, I think. Meanwhile I think about having her clone herself. Like, it'd be really nice if there were two of you.
Meanwhile Miles could just wall run straight up the side of a building. That's pretty sweet. Wow, this game looks just like NYC. Dude, I'm glad I'm doing my stream. Man, I was so messed up yesterday mentally.
Stuck in Ourselves
When I'm sharing things and I'm struggling, I'm asking for help trying to feel better. I've got to talk to somebody. And sometimes it takes talking to a lot of people. I think the more people you have that you can talk to, the easier everything gets. I'm always asking what I can learn from my struggle, and this time I learned a little bit of discretion in my communication with my wife.
I think most of our struggles relate to being stuck in ourselves. I think most of our struggles relate to not being mentally connected with other people, thinking too much about ourselves and not enough from other people's side. Because if I'm thinking of having two wives, that's not considerate of my wife, who is not interested in that arrangement. So if I'm mentally connected with her, I can't take an idea like that seriously myself. But if I'm kind of stuck off in myself, then I can take an idea like that seriously. So what I see is that almost all of our challenges are related to being stuck in ourselves. And that, to me, includes all of it. I've had depression, anxiety, bipolar, PTSD. I've had all that stuff in the past. I don't have any of it now, except some days it may come up. But on a daily basis, I don't have it.
Lisa in chat asked, "If you knew you had a slight chance of losing Laura by taking another wife, would you even?" Absolutely not. Definitely not. I have everything I want with Laura. There's no way I would mess up what I have with Laura for somebody else. Lisa said, "So then that means the thought you had trouble with was totally invalid." It was totally invalid. See, the form the thought took was that somehow this would be okay with everybody. And it was totally invalid once everybody else's point of view was considered.
The Rhino Is Back on the Third-Highest Difficulty
Man, you can really go around and do some fancy moves in this game. Grab with R1 and L1, grab a guy and throw him around. Oh yes, that move is awesome. One of the bad guys told me to get out of here, that I was making things worse. Then it looked like the Rhino was back, and we were going to need to learn some new moves. Spider-Man is broken. Oh man, he clocked me again. All right, Venom Punch now. There we go. Oh my gosh. All right, we need to heal up again. Miles told him flattery's not going to get you out of this, Alexei. Oh, we've got a Venom Punch again. I was up on the corner trying to line something up and I took a rock to the head. All my little web things don't work on him. Oh, he's got a Venom Punch thing of his own, too. Oh no, was that mine? I dodged all over the place. Oh! We got another Venom Punch ready. Right in the butt! Venom Punched him right in the butt.
Oh no, we need to heal. I was hitting the heal button, come on. Why have I got no healing left? Oh, man! Yeah, there we go, we healed up a little bit more. No, hit him with the Venom! Heal up! All right, there we go. Health was pretty low. Oh god, he decked me! Then I punched him right in the butt again. My health was so low. Did we finally defeat him? There we go. We just narrowly beat that one, which is fantastic. I put it on the third-highest difficulty. There was a friendly one and then one lower than what I picked. I put it on the third-highest one. Just wow.
Pushing My Comfort Zone in Public
I put a reel up talking about the story of losing my virginity. I talked to my wife about that before I put it up, too. It is there to be funny, but I also think what's really helped me in my life is to have transparency in all aspects of my life, especially in things where there can be a lot of shame and secrecy, like sex and money. I find it's very important to talk about it. So I've been putting out a series of videos where I do a reel, one minute or less, where I talk about the different girls I've hooked up with. I do hope the stories are funny, too. I hope people feel better by watching them. And I also hope to promote transparency.
Because I don't think anything we feel bad about and ashamed about happens outside of secrecy. To me, all of it seems to happen in secrecy. It's not stuff you'd want everybody to know about. So I conduct my life today in a way that I'm willing to talk about anything. Now, I realize it's not appropriate to just throw out everything and talk about everything with everyone, because that's a part of being considerate. That said, it seems necessary to me to kind of push the boundaries on what I'm comfortable with. Doing a story about when I lost my virginity, and then talking about the other girls I've had sex with since then, pushed my comfort zone quite a bit. And I figure if I can push my comfort zone for what I put out publicly, I hope you will feel comfortable pushing yours privately.
Consistency, Sobriety, and the Reel That Did Best
I quit my gaming stream twice for over a year each time. Those times when I quit, I lost a huge amount of followers. If you want to be a creator online, one of the worst things you can do is quit totally for an extended period of time. But it can be valuable, because it teaches you consistency. What a lot of creators do, like me, is you'll do too much for a little while and then you'll quit totally. So the goal, if you want to be a creator, is just consistency. Consistency is about sustainability. If you're cranking out three reels a day, that could be too much. And then what'll happen, if you're like me, is you will go months without putting any out. It's better to just put one reel a day out every day and not skip those extended periods of time.
All right, back in the game we needed to disarm these guys. This guy chewed me up. Oh, they destroyed me. Good lord. There we go: take that weapon out of his hand and hit him with it. That's awesome. Oh Lord, I'm washing my chest, what? Why are these holo guys hitting me? So troll. Heal again. Oh, there we go. Launch him in the air. Oh, heal. It's close. This one was intense, making me work for it a little bit.
Darnell in chat said, "Congrats on being sober so long. What made you get addicted in the first place?" I'm not exactly sure. I can say I loved the effect alcohol produced. And I could say I believed the lie that alcohol would make my life better. It's a lie that's perpetuated. There are a lot of lies that are perpetuated in our society, disempowering things, like if you drink alcohol, you can dance better.
PewPewDave showed up, good to see him, and gave a good tip: make controversial videos that make people want to comment. And yes, that can absolutely work. I put a video out that asked how many times a day to have sex, or how many times a week to have sex, and I said basically every other day, and don't masturbate. Naturally, people went off in the comments on that. They went off trolling it and made their own remixes of it. However, the reels that have done the very best for me are actually not even gaming ones, because gaming is kind of a niche thing. A lot of people don't game and are not going to watch gaming reels. What I've found actually does the best for me are stories everybody can relate with. For example, my best reel so far had no gaming footage at all on it. My best reel had no gaming footage on it at all. It was about how I asked my gay friend how many guys he'd been with, and he said 3,000.
Somebody asked, hey, do you think 24 is still young? Dude, absolutely. And I think youth is an idea more than it's an external reality. I feel as young and vibrant as I've ever felt before, and my ideas are so powerful. If I go around thinking about how old I am, my body will manifest that. I feel better at 37. My body works better and feels better than it's ever felt before. My body hurt more, felt much more pain, and had many more issues in my 20s than it does in my 30s.
Talking Yourself Into Old Age
So your language around things is really important. I'd suggest being conscious about it: watch what you're saying. I listen to people talk and I think about the implications of what they're saying. I'm like, okay, you're saying that about yourself? I swear people talk themselves into diseases and into old age. And the body has a miraculous ability to heal, too, as long as you don't impede it from healing by saying that it's broken and injured. That stuff can impede it.
Steven in chat said a lot of people think 50 is the halfway point. Dude, where I'm at, I could live a thousand years. I hear there's technology. I know that it's possible that there's technology for age regression, that there's technology for time travel, that there's technology for cloning. I could live a thousand years. I could even live 10,000 or 100,000 years. If your cells can replicate indefinitely, then you can replicate indefinitely. I've changed my hair color just by thinking. I wanted my hair color to lighten up, and it did. Then I got a bunch of gray in my hair, and I'm like, okay, we're going to darken this back up now. Oh, Lord. Dude, this guy just shot me down to like half health right when I spawned.
The MLM Supplement That Wrecked My Gut for Two Weeks
If you can get your body to a place where you're really in tune with it, you can watch your body's reaction to tell you if something's good. For example, one of my supporters heard me talking about how I wanted to make money and pay my debt down. And he said, "Here, come take this supplement. It's a multi-level marketing program. You take this yourself, you sell it to your followers, you can easily do 20,000 a month with this." I said, "Great, let's give this a try." I took the supplement, and my digestive system was screwed up for two weeks after taking the supplement just twice. And I'm like, oh. He said, "Well, you just gotta get used to it." I said, "No, no. That means it's bad for me." I never eat a fruit or a vegetable that screws up my digestive system for two weeks. What I just took in with your supplement was bad for my body and made my body sick. That's not detoxifying. Yeah, my body's detoxifying, and what was toxic that I took in was your supplement. My body doesn't need that crap.
Beware of anyone who's giving you information and just happens to have a bunch of products to sell you at the same time. That's often a money trap. Beware of a supplement that offers multi-level marketing.
The Doctor Who's Glad You're Back
Now, there are, of course, doctors who are very considerate and are willing to sacrifice their own profitability to help their patients. My uncle is one of those doctors, and he's helped me massively. He's a general practitioner, and he's practiced for over 40 years. He said that on the first visit, he encourages every single patient to read the book How Not to Die. In reading How Not to Die, it tells you how to prevent all 15 top causes of death through diet. You would think, how in the world is that not leading the news?
Can you imagine a doctor saying, "Hey, I'm glad you're back again. This is really good for business. I love that you come here every single week, because this is keeping my practice open." Can you imagine if the doctor told you that to your face? Like, what? Seriously? Don't you want me to not come back here? And the doctor's like, "Hey, sure, I'd like you to be healthy, but this is great that you're here all the time." If you want more days like this one, where I swing through Harlem, get decked by the Rhino, and talk through whatever is on my mind, there's plenty more on my Games playlist.
I hope I've said something or shared something that's helped you out, or at least got you curious, where you're wondering about something I talked about. And I want you to feel empowered to know that you can change anything in your life that you're willing to put the work in and ask for help to change.