I had my third match from the Tawkify matchmaking service and went out on a first date — a true blind date based on just a couple paragraphs of a profile, no photos. Here's the honest recap, the grief and excitement included.
Grief before the date
Leading up to it, I was surprised to be hit with grief, thinking about how excited I was meeting my now-ex-wife 15 years ago. It would have been nice if things had worked out — and at the same time, I'm genuinely happy for this new adventure, and glad my kids get to see a side of their dad I never saw in mine: dating again. I had a full day (a hot power yoga flow, a call about YouTube ads, an AA meeting, filming) before getting ready.
The date
She showed up about 15 minutes late, which didn't impress me — but she was pretty, fit, playful, moving to the music, and very much alive. We had a great intellectual conversation, and she was the first match who didn't immediately probe into my divorce. I shared some of my wilder stories on purpose (like remembering being born) because if someone doesn't like that, we shouldn't go on a second date — and even if I never see her again, I've left something memorable. I kept it to a hug at the end and exchanged numbers, because I want to actually get to know someone before diving in, unlike the "making out on the first date" approach.
The spiral
I walked off and immediately started spiraling — "here we go again, there won't be a second date, I got excited for nothing" — even though my body was buzzing with energy and I genuinely liked her. It was still great validation: I felt honored to be out with someone pretty and accomplished, having a great time, which is what I'd imagined being divorced could be like. I went home, walked around the park, called my sponsor and my mom, played some video games, and went to bed to see what the next day would bring. If you want more, watch my dating playlist here.