The future of dating is brighter than you can ever imagine, and I want to give you an idea of what that looks like, because I want you to have an awesome experience. In my experience, dating can be one of the best areas of your life in terms of growing your character, living your life's purpose, and feeling joy and connection with others.
My relationship with my wife is better than I've ever seen, and we continue to get better. We're going to go spend the weekend at the Don Cesar in a couple of days, and I'm so excited about that. The passion in my relationship with my wife is alive and well after 13 years. I just talked with my friend the other day, and she said, wow, I didn't even understand the level of passion you and your wife had in your relationship until I just got this new boyfriend. We're banging it out every day, she told me. I never want to break up with him. They've been together over half a year now, and it's awesome. That's what I want all of you to have, because it's so good. It makes me so happy. It makes life so much better, and I believe you should never settle for anything less than that. Never waste your time with anything less than that.
Never settle for the bare minimum
I saw a video where somebody was live streaming, and a lady who helps people with these kinds of issues was talking with someone in her community. This person had a boyfriend who was off doing all this Buddhist stuff and trying to be a monk, and she wanted to have sex two or three times a week, which to me is like the absolute bare minimum. We need to do more than that. This guy, I guess, found it a struggle to even want to meet her halfway, which is once or twice a week. To me, that is so freaking lame. That is awful. You can have a brighter future in dating once you realize that the person you want exists, is out there, and would love for you to meet them.
I believe the next generation will have it even better
A lot of us think about the future and wonder whether to worry about the generation our kids will grow up in when it comes to dating. The fear goes something like this: girls these days are just totally about money and height, and often want to do drugs and hang out on their phones. You could get even a lot more negative than that. But I think my son has a fantastic dating future to look forward to, even better than what I've experienced.
Why? Because my parents had it better than their parents did, and their parents had it better than their parents before them. If you believe in progress, then what we have in front of us is better than where we've come from, and it's not like anything we've seen before. I was miserable being single, sexually frustrated, and inept at dating. I struggled a lot, often to the point of wanting to end it all. I would get so depressed, alone, and angry. I think my son's going to have a much easier time than I did.
And if you want to have an easier time with dating, asking questions is the way to do it. Look for somebody who has what you want, and just ask them to help you. Ask them for advice. I think people in the future have the chance to get to know each other better and foster more direct connections. Yes, I look at some of the people in their teens today who are constantly on their phones, having relationships via texting, and that doesn't look very good, does it? But there are also some people who give me hope and excitement for the future.
I have a friend who was in her late thirties. I've known her for years, and she kept dating people. She dated some who were nice, but they just weren't right for her, so she kept letting them go. Then she got a guy she's absolutely thrilled about. She's going to have a baby soon. They're living in an RV in somebody's backyard, which is incredibly cost effective. She is having the exact relationship she's wanted for years in her life. She enjoyed the time dating. She lived with girlfriends while she was single. And I think my son has a chance to have a much better dating life than me.
Height and money are superficial — character is the foundation
Yes, while some girls only care about a man being taller than them and having money, there are other girls who don't. And the more people open their minds, the less superficial things are going to matter. My son's probably going to be tall, because he's my son and I'm taller than my dad. But when it comes to money, I tell so many guys these days: don't worry about making money. Don't worry about whether you're living with your parents. All you need to think about is what kind of relationship you want to have in your life.
What do you have to offer a girl? Are you fun? Will you make her laugh? Will you listen to her stories? Do you care about her life? How much do you have to offer in the bedroom? Are you going to make her feel really great, show her a great time, care about her experience? How do you look? Is she going to be proud to be out with you?
I have a friend, a short guy, who had a wife and a girlfriend at the same time. I'm thinking, how is this short guy pulling so much action? Him, the wife, and the girlfriend were all getting together in a hotel at the same time. I'm like, I'm taking notes from this dude. Now it's all gone downhill — he doesn't have time to see the girlfriend, the girlfriend can hardly get away to see him, and the wife got a boyfriend. So don't let your height and your money fool you, because those things are superficial. What really matters is your character inside.
I watched this guy, Owen Cook, who teaches dating. At no point would you have looked at him and thought, wow, this guy is exactly what every woman wants. Externally he doesn't seem tall. He was really skinny for a while, and fat another time, in his own words. And yet he's had an incredible dating life with all kinds of people you would fantasize about dating, including models. It seems like he's had a really incredible life and has taught other people to date. The foundation of his teaching is developing a skill set of being social. You literally get out there and talk to someone. That's all you have to do. I wrote about what I learned watching twenty hours of Owen Cook if you want to go deeper on that.
An abundant mindset means you're never afraid of losing love
I love my wife, and I'm very happy with our marriage. At the same time, I'm not afraid of losing her, because I've got the skills. I tell my wife: you're welcome to leave anytime. I only want you to be here if you're happy here. And I refuse to have a bad relationship. That's because of my abundant mindset.
I have a friend who was talking the other day, saying, well, if something happened to my husband, I just would never want to be with anybody again. I told her, don't think like that. That's a scarcity mindset. In my experience, there are so many wonderful people on this planet who would love to be with you. I don't care what age you are or what demographic you are — you just need to put yourself in a position to receive.
My aunt was in her mid sixties years ago. She'd gotten divorced from her husband, and she was trying online dating. She went out on one online date, it didn't go well, and she was ready to give up. I told my mother to give her this advice. I said, do you know how many online dates I went on before I found my wife? Do you know how many things went wrong? How many times the "girls" ended up being guys who wanted to film a gay porn with me? Do you know how many times I failed at online dating? How many times I had close-up pictures, got out there, and the girl looked 100 pounds heavier than her profile, so I wasn't attracted one bit, and the whole profile turned out to be fraudulent? Do you know how many things like that I went through before I met my wife? A lot. I don't even know how many. More than probably most of my friends combined.
I failed. I got rejected. I was made uncomfortable. I got into awkward situations, like ending up in a trailer park with a woman I didn't even know, that I didn't even like or find attractive, and then her daughter started talking about how grown up she is, and she wasn't anywhere near 18. I'm thinking, I've got to get out of here, man. I've got to get out of here. This is the kind of situation people put themselves in — and this is how it happens. I'm out, running out of that trailer with the dogs chasing me. I got into so many bad situations.
The reason I found a wife I'm extremely happy with today is because I tried. I put myself out there, I learned, I failed, and I developed my character. Some of my failures really helped me. There was a dispatcher at work, and at one point I'm like, I've got to have her. It was all wrong. It was drama. It was rough. But at the same time, after being with her, I knew I had confidence. I knew I could attract almost any woman. I don't care how good a woman looks physically — I've got something to offer her, and that is very attractive. When I met my wife, I had this confidence that I'm worth dating, that I'm good enough.
So the future of dating, to me, is incredibly bright, especially as more people get in touch with themselves and do their inner work, and maybe don't have as many traumatic childhoods, and get raised by parents like me, who tell them since they're little that they're worth it and help them have successful relationships. If you're good at having relationships and communicating, dating can be very easy. This is the same reason I believe relationships are the greatest form of wealth there is. If you want more of how I think about all of this, I keep these conversations going in my Dating playlist.
Isolation makes dating hard — but it doesn't have to be
If you're sitting on your phone and your computer all day, isolated, like I used to do, then yes, dating was hard. But dating doesn't have to be hard. And the future of dating gives me a lot of hope. Some of the people I see today in their teens and twenties have minds that are open to ideas I was closed to.
I have a friend who used to go to all these BDSM events. I'd think, there's a whole group of you who all do this together, and it's fun, and you enjoy yourselves. That's pretty far out there to me. But her open mind helped me open my mind more. It got me excited for a future where people are more comfortable talking about sex, where people dating are more honest with each other, where people know their value and refuse to settle.
One of the biggest problems with dating is that people feel they don't have any worth, and then they're desperate to just take anyone. So many people marry the wrong person, or date someone where the relationship is just crap. Instead of both of them on a second date saying, okay, this sucks, we should both do better, they're so desperate and so sure they're not worth it that they convince themselves they're never going to get another date again. The less that happens, the more we're going to have a better world, because unhappy parents make for a bad household to grow up in, and that creates more children who have a hard time dating and valuing themselves. So the more parents we have raising kids the way I'm trying to raise mine, the more hope I keep getting for the future.
The most valuable skill you can teach your kids is to communicate
To me, it's all about building the future you want to have. One of the most valuable skills you can teach your kids is to communicate. If you want your son to have an easier time than you had, teach your son to communicate. Teach your son not to isolate and get sucked into things like video games and binge-watching videos.
The biggest way you teach is to lead by example. That's why I'm unplugging from video games. I'm out there playing tennis, meeting people at meetings and yoga classes, communicating. I lead by example. I show my kids how to communicate. I show my kids what it looks like to have a very happy, healthy life and a very healthy relationship. That's going to make it way easier for my kids than it was for me. Now, they have their own choices — they can go do whatever they want.
Sometimes kids who are really healthy are attracted to someone who's a project. My wife seems to have been raised in a very healthy home, and it seems like she was looking for a project, because I was very much a project when we started dating — and some would argue I still am — but she fixed me up real nice. So the more people we have who can help fix up some of these other damaged goods in dating, I think we can have a really exciting future that's not just superficial.
Yes, there are girls out there who just want a guy who can take them out on boats, who's taller than them, works out, has money, and they can do drugs with. And there are lots of guys out there who want that kind of woman. But fortunately, there are a lot of other people too who want different things.
"I can't date yet" is a story, not the truth
One of my friends had broken up with his baby mama, then had drama, got back with her, broke up, got back together again. I asked him, are you dating? You need to get out there and date somebody. He said, well, I can't date. I live with my dad. I don't have enough money to get my own place. I can't date yet.
I told him that's ridiculous. There are girls out there who are single and would love to be with you. There are girls who would think you living with your dad is really smart and would actually like that. They have their own place, and they'll be happy for you to come over, because they're working, they have a job, and they're proud they have their own place. What they can't find is a guy who's not hooked on drugs, who's not a complete jerk, who's tall and in good shape. And I told him, you are tall, you are in good shape — you need to be out there dating. Sure enough, he found a girlfriend he's really happy with, very fast.
I tell so many people that, and I've seen so many people get into happy relationships. Then sometimes they screw them up, because they're not comfortable being happy, so they make drama in their relationship and push the other person away. I know how to do that, certainly. This is the same reason I keep telling people that dating isn't a numbers game — you only need to find the one and ignore the many. If any of this resonates, I'd love for you to join my community and keep the conversation going with me directly.
So get excited about dating in the future. What we've been through, comparatively, could be called hell compared to where we're going. Get excited about the future. I'm here for you, and I make these videos because I want you to have the kind of relationship that has made my own life so much better.