On November 2, 2024, I recorded a whole batch of diary entries about my journey with the girl I had a crush on in yoga. I still think of her almost every day. I have not seen her now in more than a year and a half, and I still wonder if I'm going to run into her walking around somewhere. I'm shocked at how long this has lasted. There have actually been a few days over the last six months when I finally didn't think of her, and I remember thinking, wow, it's so great that I didn't think about her for a day, or occasionally for a week. I forget. But then as soon as I remember, it is right back on again. I still went to the Power Flow class yesterday at yoga and wondered if I'd see her there.
Why I hesitated to record these
This has been turbulent for me to record. Even getting these diary entries out has been hard, and I've hesitated. I had it set up at several different times over the last week where I could film them. I wanted to do it while my wife was out of the house so I could have some privacy, and because, even though she's probably not going to listen to my diary entries anyway, just out of respect I'd probably consider it. Now she's out of town in New York. I talked to her on the phone this morning with the kids and with her mom.
My morning: the Dalí Museum and tennis
I took the kids out this morning to have some fun at the Dalí Museum. Then I went to practice my tennis. I tried to play basketball, but there was a volleyball tournament going on, so I couldn't, and I went and practiced my tennis serves instead. I asked the pro at the tennis club if he could match me up with anybody else who'd like to play singles. I said that doubles was too slow for me, and there was a bunch of guys right behind him who all groaned and moaned about me saying that. Then I went home and started recording these diary entries about my yoga crush, which really was the Sunday and Friday yoga crush. I've since made several more songs about all of this.
Nothing has felt this intense in years
Over the last year and a half I've gotten little emotional feelings here and there with various people at various times, but absolutely nothing even a tiny fraction of the magnitude of as much intense emotion as this. I even got to a point with my relationship with my wife a few months ago — I'll record those entries soon — where I thought, you know, maybe I should leave, even though I don't have anyone else, and go ahead and find another woman. But then I came back to my senses, and it was like, what are you going to get with another woman that's not going to overall be worse? You're already in the best situation you're going to be in.
Why I'm choosing to treasure my marriage
I've been grateful for so many people in Alcoholics Anonymous over the years who've shared their experience with their divorces and all the people they've hooked up with afterward. They've consistently said that if you can have a great relationship with one woman, treasure it and take care of it. Over the last year and a half, I feel like I've grown closer to my wife, and I appreciate her loyalty to me through so many different things.
At the same time, I'm still scared, because I feel like I'm ready to leave at the drop of a hat. I've told her before, don't get sick, or I'm out — if you get sick and can't be a full wife for me, then I'm going to go live my life, and I'm always going to have that passion. I absolutely will not settle for less than that. In my experience, that's actually part of the reason I have a great relationship: I will not accept less. Where I see people consistently struggling is that they accept these lame, half-filled relationships in their life, and I won't. I'm either going to have it all, or I'm going to clear the space and put something new in it. If you want to go deeper on how I think through all of this, I keep these conversations going in my Dating playlist.
The crush that brought my music back
While I recorded all this in my office, the kids were playing outside. It was a bit of a leap of faith for me to let them play in the front yard, and I'm going to go hang out with them once I'm done here. I'm going to go visit my mom tonight too, and I really want to make some music. I am in love with my music again today. This whole yoga crush thing reignited my passion for music, which is just amazing — it's incredible how magical life is. Never did I figure I'd feel this way again; I thought I was done with music. When I met this girl in yoga almost two years ago now, never did I imagine that somehow talking to her would end up reigniting my passion for music. But it is alive and well today, and I'm grateful. This whole journey has been very interesting, and it's the most exciting thing that's happened in two years of my life. At the same time, I'm ready to move forward. This is the same feeling I wrote about in the yoga crush that made me feel alive again.