My friends, if you're struggling to get pregnant, if you'd really like to have a baby, and if this has been driving you crazy, you are about to get some serious relief here. You will hear my experience with my wife, where we struggled multiple times over many years to get pregnant, and you'll hear what I've seen happen for other people when they take this into their minds. It will help you feel better now, and it will help you get the baby into your life that you're so excited about. If you really want to have a baby, I invite you to stay with me all the way through, because these conversations I've had with others have been life changing for them, which is why I've put this together here.
My story: two years of trying, and what finally changed
I'll start off with my story, and then I'll share some stories of others. I have two kids, and my wife and I have been married for 10 years now. When we decided we were ready, after getting married, to start trying for a baby, my wife had been on birth control for most of her life. She got off the birth control and we expected results pretty quickly, which is a bit unreasonable. If you've been taking birth control for a long time, to just get off it and suddenly expect to get pregnant is asking a lot.
After more than a year of not getting pregnant, of course we looked up all these results. My wife wasn't getting pregnant. She was getting stressed out, taking all these pregnancy tests. She would get into these horrible moods and not even want to talk to me or tell me after she took the test. It was stressful. It was annoying, and it was frustrating for both of us and for our family around us, as we shared our stress out to them. Our parents were looking forward to and excited about being grandparents, and it wasn't happening.
I even tried to make things better one day by going to the grocery store and buying some newborn diapers to show my wife. In my idea, I was acting as if, hey, we're going to have a baby one day, we'll need some newborn diapers, so let me go ahead and buy these now. I thought it was a gesture of what a great husband I am. My wife, of course, was totally triggered, cried, was frustrated with the whole situation, and was annoyed with what I did.
As we continued trying, we eventually got to the fertility test. We went to the fertility doctor, where it was determined that they didn't see any reason we weren't conceiving. Now, for almost two years, every single month, my wife had been obsessed about getting pregnant, taking pregnancy tests, and it had been an issue we had focused on. What happened is that after going to the fertility doctor, they said there didn't appear to be any issues, but they could do some more tests. We both were really motivated. We figured things should be working right, and we started to have faith and expectation that they would work right.
My wife also took a trip with her family, with her mother and her sister, and they went off and had fun for a weekend. She stopped obsessing about being pregnant for that weekend. She didn't even think about it, and she relaxed, and she let go. That was the exact weekend, either right before the trip, or she thinks it was right after the trip, but she didn't even do all the pregnancy tests and stuff, and she then got pregnant immediately. That was a powerful lesson to both of us that sometimes trying to get all focused and stressed is the problem. In my experience, stress can definitely block you from getting pregnant even when everything is working.
The second time: doubt, stress, and the restaurant lesson
This cycle repeated in a similar way. After we had our daughter, we then expected things would just work fine, and again it took almost two years, and my wife still wasn't pregnant. She went back to the doctor and got herself some drug that she thought had helped her friend get pregnant, which I thought was unnecessary. I took a different approach. Especially since we already had one kid, we could be certain that the process should work again. As with the last time, the only thing getting in the way was the pressure, was the stress, which to me is an indicator of doubt. If you know that what you want is coming, you will not have doubt.
For example, when you go to a restaurant and sit down and put in an order for your food, you don't constantly harass the waiter about why it's not getting there, unless it doesn't come for 30 or 40 minutes. If it doesn't arrive in the time frame you think it should come, then you might get frustrated. You might get all stressed out. But if you set a bigger time frame, if you relax, you can enjoy the time in the restaurant, and then your food simply arrives and you have no stress at all. You have simply anticipation and looking forward to it.
Our June baby
What I did is take that approach along with all the spiritual readings we had been doing. I had gotten into a lot of past lives and soul journeys, and knowing that I am not this body. I am the life presence, the higher power that inhabits it, that has created it, that animates it. And there is a bigger picture than just whether I want a baby or not. I am inviting another soul to incarnate into a body to be my child. I had this discussion with my wife, and I said that, as with our first child, we needed to stop thinking about it not happening. We needed to switch into thinking that we know we are going to have another child, and we need to start planning for that child, expecting that child. What would the child's name be?
We had already decided the child would have the same name as me if it was a boy, but since we already had a girl, we hadn't had another girl name picked out yet. So I asked my wife, what is the name of the child going to be if it's a girl? And my wife said, well, I really like the name June. When she said that, we started thinking of the baby as our June baby. And it was as if we could feel in the room the presence right then. We knew for a fact, because my wife had just taken pregnancy tests and just had her period, that the moment she had that conversation, there was no way she could be pregnant. When we had the conversation and the name June was spoken aloud, it was as if we manifested, or the soul appeared there and consented to be with us, right that moment.
There was a magical feeling in the room as we shifted our attention away from why aren't we getting pregnant, which then repeats why you're not getting pregnant, to we are going to get pregnant, what's our child's name, and what are they going to be like? It was a magical moment. Immediately after that, we had a hurricane evacuation trip that we took. My wife stopped stressing about getting pregnant and started focusing on the day-to-day activities of getting our family, myself, her, and our daughter, evacuated out of the way of the hurricane in 2017. And guess what? Again, she got pregnant. And guess what month the baby was born? It was a boy, and he was born in June.
Now I look back on this and I'm like, wow, it was so clear, it was so obvious that putting all this pressure and stress and expectation and doubt on her body was actually blocking it from happening. To me, it's an indication that you actually don't want it to happen, because once you really want something to happen, you let go of it and accept it and get excited for it. You don't sit there with all these thoughts of why is it not happening, why am I not getting this. In my experience, that indicates that you don't really want it.
What I've seen with others
Now I'll share some experience I've seen with others that will expand on this. I've heard tons of different stories, anywhere from my grandmother having three miscarriages between children over an eight-year span from one kid to another, and then having three more kids afterwards, to a couple I knew who went through the whole process. The fertility doctor told them that the man had a low sperm count. They did all this in vitro. Of course, there was a ton of stress and anxiety and money spent over it and sadness. The in vitro finally worked, and then the couple got divorced almost immediately after the baby was born. Which left the question: maybe the man didn't want to have a child, and that's why his sperm count was low, and maybe they shouldn't even have had a baby together to begin with.
It's amazing to see in other cases the woman got pregnant and had a miscarriage, and then she got pregnant and was miserable, didn't even want to have a baby with the man, and then she ends up leaving the man. Often the pregnancy issue is the place where relationships that have all these things hidden, they really come out. If one person doesn't really want to be with another person, if one person doesn't want to get stuck with another person, I've come to believe that if you're with the right person, then the pregnancy will often happen pretty easily.
This is especially evident with my wife and I. When we were first trying to get pregnant, I was drinking, and she was in a place where she was thinking about leaving me. When I first got sober, it didn't get much better for her. Another thing that happened right when she got pregnant with our daughter is that I had been sober at that point for about eight months. My wife was just starting to feel more comfortable that the relationship was a safe place, somewhere that she could stay in it. You time that with the trip, and to me it's not surprising that she got pregnant at the exact same time. All of the stress about getting pregnant, to me, really was misdirected energy at her questioning of the relationship we were having in general.
What I see is that couples who just love being together and are in a great relationship often do get pregnant pretty easily. This is an uncomfortable thing, and your doctor often won't point this out or mention it. But from what I've seen, couples who've struggled with pregnancy are consistently struggling with the relationship. While it all gets funneled into the pregnancy, it should be funneled into talking about the relationship in general. My mom and dad were having a great time together, and they just got pregnant with little me. They were enjoying their relationship, and then they just got pregnant with my brother, even though my mom was on birth control.
There's another thing we need to cover to wrap this up too. Our society especially puts women in a losing position when it comes to pregnancy. You're often conditioned as a woman that you need to not get pregnant.
The artificial time crunch our society creates
The message women get is that you need to go get your career, go do all this stuff, and be everything in the world. Basically, don't get pregnant when you're in your teens and in your twenties, which is actually one of the easiest times to get pregnant, to physically handle the labors and challenges of being pregnant, and to have your parents there to support you. Our society encourages women to go off and leave their families and not get pregnant, to take birth control and use these contraception methods, all of which require the doctors and pharmaceutical companies to make a profit and cut you off from your own internal wisdom.
Then, when you hit your early thirties, and meanwhile you're supposed to find a man if you ever want to have a family and get married, all of a sudden it all shifts. Now's the time you have to get pregnant, and suddenly there becomes this manipulated, artificial time crunch. I was talking to a woman who is going through this exact thing right now. She's in her early thirties, and all of a sudden this entire narrative of don't get pregnant, get your career, find a man, live your life, switches to now you have to get pregnant. Now there's stress, now there's frustration, and now the body is told to immediately switch from don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant to now you need to get pregnant right away.
When you've been taking birth control, the body has been conditioned with drugs to not get pregnant for such a long time. It often doesn't switch right away to wanting to get pregnant. Then the pressure and the stress compound, relationship issues compound, and what are you doing? You're right back at your doctor spending money. In my experience, many people spend a lot of money on things like fertility treatments and in vitro that, if they simply would have let the process unfold naturally and started earlier, would have been easy.
I trust the wisdom of the body
You consistently see women who believe they're too old. My wife says she's too old to get pregnant again at 38. My sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous had a mother who gave birth to him at around 50 years old, back in 1943. Don't tell me at 38 years old you're too old to get pregnant again. I trust the wisdom of the body, and of a woman's body. I have a master's in criminology, so you can take that for what it's worth, but to me the body is naturally very intelligent. To me, if a woman's body is allowing pregnancy to happen, then the body thinks it's okay. When the woman's body goes through menopause, then the body is saying, okay, no more babies.
To me that is an extremely logical conclusion: that the woman's body is smart enough to know when it's okay to start having babies, with the beginning of the menstruation cycle, and smart enough to know when to stop, with the beginning of the menopausal cycle. Now sure, if you've taken piss-poor care of yourself and you're in your forties and you've never had a baby before, yeah, that could be an arduous process. But if you've taken care of yourself and you're eating well, like I take care of myself, I eat a whole plant-based diet, I maintain a healthy weight, I'm connected with other people, and I love my life and have a meaningful life, then if I were a woman I'm sure my body could handle several more babies from where I'm at, at 38 years old. I'm sure I could crank out several more.
I wish my wife made videos. She doesn't. But my wife could easily have several more children. Now sure, would there potentially be more challenges than if she was 20? Yes. That said, it's the time crunch that's artificially created. There's no need to demand of your body that you do it right now. It's very possible, and many women have had very healthy and happy pregnancies as they've continued to get older. Yes, there can be complications, but again, in my experience, if you take care of yourself, that is much less likely to happen.
A different scenario: trust the process
Our current system sets women up for this miserable cycle of stress, failure, and control, and the medical system is set up to make a profit on you at every single stage of this development. So I encourage a broader education, which is why I've shared this on my website. The ideal scenario in my mind is for most babies to be had as early as possible, to simply enjoy the process, and to trust the body. I hope this is helpful for you. I've enjoyed sharing it. I've had to watch so many people go through this stress, and I hope my experience is a part of your journey to having the baby you want to have and the life you want to have.
I invite you to think about and connect mentally with the child you want to have, and ask them. You can connect directly with the child you're going to have in the future and ask them when they would like to arrive. Maybe you're not getting pregnant because the child you're going to have is not ready to arrive yet. This is why it's important not to think only of our own selfish desires, like, well, I want to have a baby now and have my pictures posted on Instagram next year. What about your baby? They have a timetable for the life they want to have.
I remember picking my parents. I remember arriving into this life exactly when I wanted to arrive here. Maybe your baby is just waiting, and they're not ready yet. It seems very obvious to me. My daughter waited until my wife and I looked like we were going to make great parents for her. She was not ready to arrive while I was still drinking, and she was not ready to arrive in my early sobriety. Once I'd had eight months sober, once my wife's and my relationship had stabilized, once my wife relaxed a little bit, then my daughter was ready to join us. My son was the same. He wanted a couple of years between himself and his sister to have his own space, and he waited until the time was right for him to join us. If you want to hear more of these reflections on how I've come to see my own life, you can follow along with my Life playlist.
So I am sure that if you want to have a baby, your baby will come when both of you are ready, especially as you get into your maximum health, really loving life, and enjoying the human experience each and every day.