My friends, it's December 2024, and this is my 4,590th day on YouTube. This is a little bit of a look into what my life is like as a full-time YouTuber, what I've done today, a vlog that I hope you'll love and enjoy. And if you're new here, I hope this gives you a gateway into discovering everything Jerry Banfield.
Rebranding My Channels
My most popular channels right now are my crypto channel and my clips channel. I'm happy to see the experiment I was doing yesterday is working. This channel used to be called Jerry Banfield Crypto Reviews, and I rebranded it to Jerry Banfield Clips. I'm happy to see the videos are getting watched, and I'm very happy to see how many views the videos are getting. These on my original channel would have gotten way less, and I really appreciate all the love and all the support on here.
I'm also really enjoying the members-only chat. I switched to that yesterday, and we did a members-only chat on the crypto stream today. The members who were there really appreciated having my full attention and were more chatty than usual. It was so nice not to have all the haters and critics who just come in and try to get negative attention. So I'm really glad I talked through that yesterday. Thank you to some of you who popped into my open chat after watching my videos yesterday, which is linked on my website as well. Some of you popped into my open chat and my Discord yesterday, where we just got over a thousand members.
Why the Community Matters to Me
I was a little down yesterday, and some of you popped in and said, I really appreciate what you do, I think you're doing great, please keep it up. That's one of the hard things about being on YouTube: I'm just in this office by myself. I really need the feedback of the community, and I need to keep the haters and all the random negative-attention-seeking, nasty stuff away, and keep close the people who love me and are here and invested. I need to keep you all close and keep the distractions out. If you want to be part of that circle of people I keep close, the best place to do it is to join the Jerry Banfield Family. So I'm feeling much better today, feeling very inspired.
Filming a Critique of Another Crypto YouTuber
I took over an hour today to film a 15-minute video three different times for my crypto channel. My goal on my crypto channel is to give people the best information, to try to help people see what's really going on in crypto, to answer people's questions, and to make things as easy as possible. There's a lot of confusion in the crypto space, and there are a lot of crypto YouTubers that I think people could use my feedback about. There's one in particular I used to watch, and I filmed an entire 15-minute critique of him that I think his viewers should see, because some of his viewers don't have the level of experience I do to see the things he's doing that aren't obvious, things that may be a bit inaccurate or manipulative. So this is something new I'm testing.
I've generally tried to avoid criticizing other YouTubers especially. That said, there are a lot of videos people have made criticizing me, and they have some valid points. If you watch a video of somebody criticizing me and you don't want to watch me anymore, well, maybe that's for the best. If it's that easy for one person to make a video and you stop watching me, maybe your time would be better spent somewhere else.
I went into that video very deliberately, because it's a critique of somebody else, and because as a full-time YouTuber I was a bit too cavalier about the terms and conditions in the past. So I'm being as over-the-top compliant as I can be with the terms and conditions now, and I'm very aware that a review critiquing another YouTuber is really in the best position to get attacked. I need to make sure my video is perfect in terms of the policies, and I made sure not to use any of this person's material, even things like their profile picture or anything publicly available on their YouTube. In the past, I made a review of someone that wasn't even very critical, and they filed a fake copyright strike against me that took 10 business days to get undone, even though it was blatantly fraudulent. So I feel a little scared doing something like that.
Is It Kind, Is It True, Does It Need to Be Said?
I think about the sayings people use in AA. Is it kind? Well, is it kind to the person I'm critiquing? Maybe not. Although, some of the best kindness people have shown me in my life has been to tell me the truth I didn't want to see. My father used to tell me, boy, you abuse alcohol, and I didn't want to hear it, but he was right. So, is it kind? I think it's kind to help someone see what their work looks like to other people, and it's kind to the viewers to give them these insights that can perhaps help them.
Does it need to be said? For this YouTuber in particular, which will be on my clips channel soon, I've waited and waited to say it, and people have asked me to do videos and to talk about this, so I've finally done one. So yes, it needs to be said, other people are saying it, and does it need to be said by me? Yes. I have unique experience I can draw on to say it. So I prefer not to do things like criticism, but at the same time, one of the challenges we have in our world is this fake positivity, where everything is nice and you should never say anything mean or critical. When I was in the middle of my alcoholism and addiction, people needed to be honest with me and say, look, you drink too much, you need to get sober. And I appreciate everyone, from girls I was dating screaming at me that I needed to get sober, to my wife saying she wasn't going to stay with me if I kept drinking, to my father telling me I abused alcohol. Sometimes you really do need a lot of criticism and suggestions before you can pop out of your own delusion.
And yes, the ICP price is back over 10 today. I plan on accumulating thousands more myself next month.
Why I Make These Vlogs
I'm really enjoying doing these vlogs like this. My mind last night was being very critical, saying, what kind of narcissistic person does a vlog talking pretty much all about themselves every day and then expects people to watch it? My hope in doing this is that in the way I analyze my own actions in the context of other people's behavior and what's needed in the world, it's a useful example for you to take inventory of your own life and look at what you're doing. I hope in this vlog I'm giving you something interesting: what I'm thinking about, what I'm learning about in my life, and I hope that's useful for you. I love hearing things like this myself, because I know there are people who are interested in what it's like to be a full-time YouTuber. What is your life like every day as a full-time YouTuber?
Well, a lot of it is thinking about what videos I can make. This video about InvestAnswers, which will be on my clips channel later, was on my mind all day. It was an idea that persistently came to me. One way I vet whether ideas are good or not is whether they keep coming up. If ideas keep coming up to me, that has a bit more energy to it. Some of the great ideas I've had, if I didn't do them right away, just went away. So I've thought a lot about whether I should do this critical video or not, because I like to be the guy who's all positive and uplifting, but sometimes the best way you can help someone is to be critical and provide suggestions.
Yoga, Mats, and the Law of Attraction
What else have I done today? Today I did a nice yoga class at 10am. I am big into thinking about where I put my mat. I'm very intentional, because it's a totally different experience based on where you put it. If I put my mat next to a very attractive woman, that sometimes can be a very euphoric experience where, I don't know if it's pheromones or biology or something, but it just leaves me feeling really good. Other times, like when I put my mat in the corner at hot yoga yesterday and had all kinds of dudes next to me, that was a good experience to really go within and focus on my own practice. I like to just have a fixed spot in the yoga room where I put my mat every day so I don't have to think about where to put it.
Because I'm big into things like the law of attraction too, I go in and think, I want to put my mat next to somebody where it'll benefit both of us for me to be considerate about where I put it. I've had a crush on a girl in yoga before just because we both kept putting our mats next to each other, and even though we didn't say anything the first several classes, the first time we actually spoke to each other, we both turned and looked to talk at the exact same moment. The energy was just crazy, and I still miss her. I still hope to see her again every day. I haven't seen her in nine months, and I keep hoping a day will go by where I don't think about her or look for her at yoga class, though that's still going on, as embarrassing as that might be to say. Just keeping it real.
So I put my mat down today. I was going to put it between two guys, but there was a girl in an open spot at the front of the room toward the instructor. I stood in the spot between these two dudes and thought, nah, I think this other spot feels better. Usually people don't even say anything if I don't know them, and I don't think I knew anybody in the room. Normally I put my mat down next to somebody I know and say hi and talk to them, since I've seen lots of people before. So I put my mat down next to this girl today, and she actually said good morning, and I was like, wow, just friendly up in here. I'm glad I came over here, because I'm looking for the place where I can have the best experience.
A Nice Morning at Yoga
So I said good morning to her, and after the yoga I complimented her on her handstands. I'm working on my handstands right now, just strengthening up and getting prepared to do handstands without falling, and I complimented her on hers. She said she's been working on it for over a year, and I said, "Nice, that's where I'm going too." I said have a good day and left, and it was a nice experience. I'd had that instructor before and I kind of didn't like her as much as some of the other ones the first time. Then today I had the opposite experience. I really enjoyed her yoga flow. It was a 75-minute flow, more of a regular flow, not a power flow like I usually go to, and it was great. I've been doing yoga every day, except I don't think I'm going to do yoga tomorrow, for the first time in a couple of months.
It's amazing how much of my life is yoga, AA meetings, YouTube, and my family. I think that's actually all of it. That's all of my life. Some of you might think it's insanely boring. My life is washing dishes at home, getting food for the kids, deciding whose mat I'm going to put mine next to at yoga, which YouTube video I'm going to make, which AA meeting I'm going to go to, who I'm going to sit next to. I like to be very intentional with each of the little things I do.
The Waves of Little Choices
Some people just walk into the AA room or the yoga room and throw their mat down anywhere. I see all these waves of possibilities. These little choices you make lead to other things. Sometimes there are just kind of magnetic things that happen. Take this girl at yoga I got a crush on, the one I did the Tuesday yoga crush song about. We were not originally putting our mats next to each other. But one day I said something that made only her laugh out loud. The instructor was asking, "Is there anything you'd like to do today?" and I said, "Plank." The girl I had a crush on, that I guess I still do, was the only one who laughed at it, and I thought, man, I know she's onto me here, there's something going on. And then a few times after that, well, what if I'd put my mat over in the corner of the room and stayed away from her? Would that not have happened? I'm just very aware that each little choice you make sends out waves and waves of things that can possibly happen, and each little choice has bigger implications to it.
I'm aware of that today, and I'm aware that I have a big say. If I go into a room thinking, "All right, let me find the next girl to crush on," that would determine where to put my mat. What I like to do instead is set the intention, when I walk into a room of people, to position myself to have the best experience for everyone, to help people feel better around me. When I walk into AA, let me be drawn to sit next to and talk to the people I can most help feel good. Because to me, feeling good is feeling God, and that's magical. I set that intention all the time. I want to help people feel good, love themselves, learn, grow, expand, be free, and I let that help me feel out what position to put myself in, which videos to make, and so on, to facilitate that.
Learning to Give and Receive Criticism
Sometimes what's tricky is that it needs to be something like criticism. "Hey, if you watch this person, you might want to know this about them, based on my experience." And sometimes it's criticism at home, like with my mom the other night. I said, "Mom, you talk about wanting to get your house cleaned out, but you keep telling me about all these boxes arriving in the mail and all these things you're returning and all these people you have to call to send products back. Mom, that doesn't seem like it's working to get your house cleared out when you keep bringing more stuff in than you're putting out. Just saying." I'm learning to be a bit more sensitive to what people need and a bit more open-minded about who I'm helping and where I go, and I'm enjoying that.
I'm on Christmas Eve here. My family is at church right now, at a kids' church service, which is pretty quick, where the kids get up in front and sing. I'm so proud of my wife today. She doesn't expect me to go. In fact, I think she expects me not to go. I am so much happier being here in my studio filming a video that I hope could help you and anyone else watching alongside you. I have no desire to go to church today and listen to the stuff there and watch the kids sing. I'd rather bring my kids food on the couch while my wife's taking a shower, take care of the stuff they need.
I do want critical feedback and opinions from people I'm connected with and who are invested in me doing this. That's what a real community is about, having an investment, showing up over the years to support and listen and chat, and being close enough that when you offer criticism I know it comes from care and not just trolling or talking junk. If you want that kind of connection with me, the best way today is to join the Jerry Banfield Family, where we can actually talk and I'm open to hearing your suggestions and even your criticism. I think it's important in life that you shield yourself from blatant negative energy attacks, but at the same time, sometimes it's negative if you'll never say anything, and it's negative if you won't have a tough conversation.
Some of the best ways my wife and I have improved this year came after I got a crush on that girl in yoga. I had a few criticisms to lay down on my wife. "Hey, why are you sitting on your butt and not exercising? All these girls are in yoga class, and why are you just going through your day and not paying attention, not doing any exercise?" I realize she's active and doing stuff with the kids, but that's not the same as going for a bike ride or going for a run. My wife had been training for a half marathon. She enjoys running, she enjoys exercise, it's good for her, and after she let a year and a half slip by, she had a Peloton she wasn't riding. I laid down the criticism. I said, "I'm not going to be with a woman who doesn't take care of herself and thinks it's okay to just not exercise and be unhealthy. Not going to do that. There are all these beautiful girls in yoga. Get your stuff together." And she's been exercising almost every day since then.
It is very important to be able to give and receive criticism with people you love and trust. My wife gave me some suggestions too, like, "I'm tired of watching you sit on your phone while there's all this laundry unfolded." There's still been a lot of laundry unfolded, I'll admit, but I've been making sure that when I'm in the house I put more time into housework, dishes, trash, vacuuming, helping out as much as I can, being as much of a part of the team as possible, and doing activities together as a family. Sometimes, to improve, you've got to go through tough conversations.
Showing Up Where It Matters
I'm saying all of this to say I'm so proud of my wife, who does not expect me to go to church with her and her family and the kids, because I do not enjoy that. I've been to church in the past at Christmas, and the last few times I went, I just wished I hadn't gone. I'm praying to remember next time: don't go to the church service at Christmas. Because to me, when I'm in the right place, I'm very happy to be in every place I'm at, doing every activity I'm doing. I make these videos hoping some of you will know that state is possible. What's unusual or strange to me is to be places where I don't want to be, where I don't feel like it matters that I'm there.
I've learned: don't go places where that's the feeling. Make sure you show up where it matters that you're there, where people care that you're there. I go to the AA meetings where I feel people most appreciate me being there, and I avoid going to meetings where people don't seem to care that I'm there as much. To me, I don't feel it really matters whether I'm at church or not. Now, it really matters that I'm there with my family in the morning, and when I'm helping. There are a lot of times it does matter, and I'm there for those times. We're going to have a dinner afterward, and I will be going to that. I see my mom every day, so I'll see my mom at the dinner.
Moonstruck and What We Forget
My wife and I started watching Moonstruck last night. We watched the first half of it. She's never seen it in its entirety before. I was amazed. I watched Moonstruck, I believe, with both my parents maybe 15 years ago, and I was amazed how little of it I remembered. You take for granted that your memory holds all this stuff, and it's shocking to go back and watch a movie you haven't seen, that you maybe only watched once and that didn't make that much of an impression. Moonstruck is one of the movies my parents love and would always watch on Christmas Eve. I'm going to ask my mom, "Why did you like this movie so much? What is it about this movie that really resonates with you?" Probably because the movie was filmed in the '80s, when my mom was falling in love with my dad at the time. I think that's where it comes together for them. My wife and I decided not to watch Love Actually this year, because if you really break it down, it's kind of a sucky Christmas movie. A lot of the love stories, if you break them down and analyze them, are kind of this.
Going within instead of without
Lisa asked me if I knew why I feel the way I do about the church, and she said it is because my journey is within right now. She has seen that in me, and I think that is pretty accurate. I think going within instead of without is a good thing to do, and to encourage others to go within as well, because the world generally fills us with enough stuff from the outside to take in. There is also guidance inside. My New Year's resolution last year was to live my life more by intuition and less by rigid mental structures, and I am grateful that I have listened and been doing that this year.
Some of the paths it has taken me down have been a little bit scary. My intuition led me into this crush with the girl at yoga. I was not expecting it or planning for it to happen, but it kind of led me into there, and I learned a whole lot from that. It fueled me getting into music again, because I really wanted to make a song about that experience. My intuition has guided me into some unpredictable places this year. To me, intuition is like a burning passion, a desire, an enthusiasm. The closest word I can think of for intuition is enthusiasm. If there is nothing better I could think to possibly do, that is really where I want to be. To me, that is intuition hitting, that is your intuition saying you are wanted here, this is the right place for you. I hope that when people come across my channel, they feel a little bit of that.
I am excited to do these vlogs. Right now I wonder, ten years ago, I wish I could have listened to a journal vlog like this from myself. I probably could not have done one ten years ago and posted it publicly, because of how I was thinking and how I was talking. Everything had to be an F word this and an F word that. I realize now that I am loving where I am. I have had such a wonderful year, and I want to help as many of you have a great year in your life as well.
Your inner experience creates your outer experience
I talked to this lady the other day at AA who said it is a struggle just for her to feel okay in the morning. I just want you to know, in my experience, if that is your scenario, you can have it better than that. I wake up in the morning and I am like, let's go. I am so excited for another day. I am excited to be in there with my family, to get up with my wife. Sometimes first thing in the morning a kid starts whining over nothing. My son got up and threw a fit this morning, mostly just cried and whined at a loud volume over the smallest little thing. He wanted to immediately go down the street to my wife's sister's house and unwrap a present, and my wife said we will do that later, and he just starts crying. He is five years old. There is often a scenario where I could not be enjoying this.
There seem to be lots of people in a similar life to me who are not enjoying it. They do not enjoy their job, they do not enjoy their family, and then they are doing things like drinking and using substances to try to cope with the same kind of situation that I find wonderful. That is what is beautiful, to realize that your inner experience really creates your outer experience.
I have also noticed something about resistance. I am planning to travel to Michigan with the family in a few days, and the last two times my body got physically ill. I got mentally ill before we visited Michigan to see my family in October last year, and I got physically ill in November before I went to help my mom move. To me, those were both manifestations of resistance to letting go of making the videos, showing up in the studio, going to yoga, and going to AA meetings. Resistance to just letting go. So I am focusing now, because life often will give you the same situation over and over again in a different form. And I am like, bring it on. I am so excited.
Letting go and taking a real vacation
I am looking forward to taking time off from making videos here. I thought about maybe I could live stream on my tablet or my phone, but no, this is a vacation. Lisa has consistently suggested that I take time off and take vacations. When I am at home, I love just hopping in here because it is so easy. This vacation is a perfect time to take seven or eight days off of doing anything on YouTube. Lisa has been a big help. A lot of people were very critical of my crush on this girl at yoga. The grass is not greener anywhere else. You have got it really good, so make sure you appreciate it. That sunk in and I listened to it.
On this trip I am looking forward to letting go. YouTube will be okay if I do not make a video for eight days. If I am not making a video, that will be a great chance for people to go back and watch some of the videos they did not have time to watch, because I was putting an hour-long video up every day. If you want somewhere to start while I am away, you can dig into my YouTube Coaching playlist.
I am also loving limiting my live streams to a hard maximum of thirty minutes. Anything I have to say, I can do it in that time. If I do two live streams a day, they should be an hour or less total, thirty minutes on one channel and thirty minutes on the other. That is enough of your time today. If I have not said what I need to say about my life in thirty minutes, maybe I should try again tomorrow and get to the point a little bit faster. I was a little bit down yesterday, but I made some changes that were really positive, like members-only chat, and I let people lift me up. Thank you for all the love and support, and have a wonderful day.