I posted a video asking why it's so hard to help people, and someone left a comment that stuck with me: because people would rather wrap themselves in fantasy than face a harsh reality. I've been sitting with that, and here's where I landed. Most of the reality we live in is subjective. The only way it becomes truly objective is if we all agree on it — and we mostly don't.
Same facts, two realities
Take my own life right now. I feel fantastic. I'm full of passion filming, I love how I look and sound, I love my work and the house I'm in. But you could look at the exact same facts and be miserable: a net worth around negative $200,000, cash advances covering a $2,700 monthly rent, a divorce after fifteen years, ten thousand dollars spent on dating in six months with little to show for it. One person calls that burning your whole life down. I call it the best I've ever felt. Same situation, opposite reality — because the framing is the part you actually control.
But you still have to face the chances to change
That doesn't mean fantasy gets to run the show. We all carry some fantasy, and it's still important to face the real opportunities to change. One of mine was admitting why I kept struggling to help people: I was trying to do it one person at a time, on one-on-one calls, instead of building something that lets people help each other.
Helping people needs infrastructure, not just willpower
Look at what actually works. Alcoholics Anonymous works because it brings people together. The memberships and the entrepreneur club I'm part of work because they bring people together. So if I genuinely want to help people, I need to build the infrastructure for it — a place where people connect — not just keep grinding through individual conversations. Community is the mechanism, not a nice-to-have.
The harsh realities I've actually faced
Some realities really are harsh, and I've faced mine. I've written 35 books — ten of them in the last year — and had to accept that almost nobody is interested in reading them. I've gotten hundreds of people to read, but there was no business system around it and no ongoing offer, so it never went anywhere. The harsh truth is that I make far better YouTube videos than I write books. I even had to hear a former family member tell someone I'd given a book to that my books were crap and they should throw them out. But "harsh" is partly a choice. The same facts pushed me to build the best business system I've ever had instead of forcing something that wasn't working.
Don't borrow harsh realities you can't change
There's a flip side, too: a lot of people take on harsh realities they never needed to carry. Endless politics, wars, the daily flood of awful news — unless you can personally go and change it, absorbing all of it is a harsh reality you've chosen to suffer for no return. So the balance I've found is this: yes, much of my life is my own subjective reality and a bit of healthy fantasy; yes, there are hard truths I have to deal with directly; and if I deal with them in community, it all works out.
It's the same mindset behind why I burned things down on purpose. If this resonates, you can watch my newest videos here on the Jerry Banfield Show.