Alright, let's do this, baby. Let's get in these solos and get pumped up. We're gonna slay, we're gonna pray, we're gonna play — let's go. We're going for our fifth win in season three, I believe it's the fifth. You've got to stand out if you want to get people to click on your stream, and this to me is an authentic way to stand out, because I don't give a fuck.
We're not running an HDR and a Vex Lord over here — it's like one shot. What the fuck are you doing to me right now? Pop your dick head up. Pop your dick head up. Let's go. Pop your dick head up. Oh! Pop your dick head up! Yeah, I appreciate that dude helping me make that highlight right there, because without him helping me make it, I couldn't have made it. He popped his dick head up at just the right time.
Alright, what? I'd like another loadout, but I have a feeling there's somebody else over here. And you just got to trust those feelings — or get wallhacks, either one. Go play. Oh, I'm out here missing stuns up in this. You burned my ass up.
Back In for Season Five: Going for Win Number Five
Alright, let's go back in for Warzone solo season five. I'll show you how to win — we're going for win number five of the season today. I'm gonna sweat it out with these kids up here. Take that kill and dip. This dude's got a gun. He crept up here and I missed him. Shit — let me just make some more noise. There you are. Holy fuck. Oh my god, dude, I missed the shit out of that. Still got him, though. Oh my god, how did that dude slip around me? Damn, this thing is hitting hard on him now. Duck! Oh, he got me back there. Good shots, Jonathan. Good shots, Jonathan. Good shit.
Alright — would you rather have your shoes too small or too big? Shoes too small or too big — which one?
You Spot It, You Got It
That's one of my favorite sayings: you spot it, you got it. Whatever you say about someone else — if you can spot that about someone else, that means you know how to look for it. And if you know how to look for it, that usually means you've got experience with it. Like, I can spot another alcoholic easy. I'm like, oh, you've got a drinking problem, my dude. People come up in my chat calling me a pedophile for what I'm wearing, and I'm like — you spot it, you got it.
Oh shit, there's a dude fucking off right over here. Oh yes — that's why your boy snipes. That's why I snipe. Wesley Snipes. Get off in the final circle. Alright, who the hell else wants some of this? Come on. Come on, let's go. That's our shit right here. Okay, go. Oh, I'll let him get up — fuck it, I'm playing with my food. I'M A PLAYBOY! MY FOOD! LET'S FUCKING GO! I'm a play with my food too. Yes. Let's go.
Going for a Second Win in the Same Session
Alright, we're going for a second Warzone win. I already dropped one win, so we're just gonna get in and slap kids. Beat this fucker off. Here — see who else is coming? Alright, that went in my favor this time, which from my point of view is great. Get up in this shit. Come out, come on. Fucking boss, come up here — you're about to suck a dick up here. My dude joked on me and got shit on! Let's go! I'm gonna snipe you out and fuck your hole. I'm gonna fuck your pie hole, dude. Come on.
Oh, I can't believe I missed that shit. I can't believe I missed all that shit. We're gonna stun this dude — when he runs over here, we're gonna stun his ass. Do I stun over the wall? Fuck yeah. Oh shit! Oh yeah! Oh shit, he's got a C4 — the trophy system just ate that up. You're fucked up now. Come on. Oh shit. Oh, you're done now. You're done. Come on — give me all your fucking bullets. Come on. Good! How'd you like that, huh? And you drank beer at home and put on 50 pounds and then fucked me. Nice. I guess I don't talk that much shit about fat chicks.
Is this dude still lurking? He's gonna give me another dick in the face. He gave me one more dick in the face. You've got a fucking prox mine — you've got a troll-ass motherfucker right here. Goddamn, how many prox mines? This motherfucker had three prox mines. How did he even put three prox mines there? Shit, he's waiting right there, too. My new best friend. Come on — I'm gonna fuck you right in the face, dude. Just had a hacker in the stadium hiding underneath. Nice.
Alright, this dude just got out. One shot, two shot, three shot, four shots — all I hear is gunshots. This is where the fun stops. Got your ass. Alright, there he is. Oh shit! Got him — and I got him fast, too. Alright, let's reposition and get ready to bang him again. I ain't done yet. Alright, now I'm done. I'm good now. He already got all that dude's loot out there. Let's get in my truck here. Oh, somebody's up here? Damn, he took himself out — did he kill himself with that, too? Damn, I did not need to mess with that dude. Everybody's running C4s today. Damn, good game, dude. I did not need to mess with that guy. Good job, dude.
Going Out Like Scarface
When somebody just shits on you in Warzone, be like — oh yeah, he fucked me. Good. Oh yeah, he headshotted me right in the face. Oh, come on. Come on! Good! You get to be the one who goes out like Scarface at the end — just gets shot up and falls down in the pool. Now, you don't want to do that every game. When I don't like how things are going, it should motivate change. Motivate you to play a little bit different, to try something new.
Fuck yeah, we got — oh, shit. Oh! He was laying down in a body! He was laying — was he laying down in a body? Oh, no. That was another body. Oh my god. That was sweaty. Oh, there's my gun. There he is, dude. There he is. One kill! We got one kill. Let's go, baby.
And sometimes it's not going to be an even exchange of energy exactly in the moment — even when you're, like, parenting. Fuck me, dude. Aw, GGs, dude. Good game. If you enjoyed these Warzone solo highlights, there's plenty more where that came from in my Games playlist.
Much love, and thank you all for a fantastic time. See you in the next one.