The main thing on my mind today: should I get back on dating apps? I met my first wife on Match in 2011, and after my divorce I tried the apps again for a while — but I felt rejected, addicted, and spent hundreds on premium subscriptions for two matches I wasn't attracted to, plus some toxic interactions. So I deleted them all. Here's me thinking it through out loud.
Apps vs a matchmaker
I then paid $7,500 for Tawkify, a matchmaking service, and I'm three of twelve matches in — so part of me thinks I should finish those before going back to apps. But what I want is very specific: a woman who's attractive, doesn't drink or do drugs, and wants kids. Apps like Hinge can filter exactly those criteria, which a matchmaker can't do as precisely. That pulls me back toward the apps despite how burned out they made me.
Honest feedback from my ex-wife
I asked people for advice all day, including my ex-wife, who's wonderfully supportive. I told her I think I shouldn't move too fast physically on a first date — I've gone too far too fast before. Her insight: while I take it slow physically, I dive way too deep in conversation, doing "the equivalent of sex on the first date" by immediately sharing things like deleting all my YouTube channels (which signals instability), remembering before I was born, and my sobriety. The upside is nobody wastes my time — I lay out exactly what I offer, so things can proceed fast or end fast.
You have to go for what you want
People keep telling me the right person shows up when you stop looking. I don't believe it. Yes, it happens for some, but I've watched people stay single 10 or 20 years waiting. I want an awesome relationship like the one I had — not to get so desperate I settle for someone who isn't healthy, doesn't want kids, or that I'm not attracted to. Almost everything good in my life came because I went and got it: I found a partner I was genuinely happy with by going through the numbers and saying no to plenty along the way. The same way I won't just film a couple of videos and expect $10,000 a month, I don't think I'll just bump into the right woman at the grocery store. So I'm leaning toward the apps, because being specific is exactly what they let me do. If you want raw feedback on your own life, you can find me on my dating playlist here.