Keep Your Eyes Open
If you're a single man, you can absolutely win big and build an amazing life — but you need to keep your eyes open. Some of these videos out there are trying to get you to withdraw: don't even bother, women aren't worth it. That's ridiculous. Dating is one of the most fun, satisfying things you can do as a man. Now, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, because you're a man — nobody should be telling you what to do. What I'm doing is enjoying my single life. I exercise. I'm going to go play tennis for two hours right after this, and I just went to a hot, hard power yoga flow. But I'll tell you what: I've got my eyes open, and I'm talking to every single woman around me. I'm hitting on every woman I can. I'm backing off if they're not interested, but I've got my eyes open, my ears open, and I'm listening.
If there's a woman having a conversation, I pay attention. There was a woman at yoga — I went in there to do my workout and I wasn't even trying to pick a woman up that day — but I heard her talking about content creation. I'm like, let me go talk to her. I'm going to show up and be like, look, I'm a YouTuber, I've done content creation for 15 years. What are you doing? Well, let me tell you. And I'm giving her advice right away. I'm trying to give her value.
Single Beats a Garbage Relationship
So yes, being single is so much better than being in some garbage relationship where you're being taken down, where you're being dominated. Never be in a relationship where you're being dominated. I got divorced last year, and I was in a relationship where I felt like I was being dominated — where my ex was telling me, we're not having any more kids, you should go get a vasectomy. I'm like, no, I'm not getting a vasectomy. That's ridiculous. I'm probably going to have another wife since you don't want to have more kids. You should never be in a relationship where you are the submissive one — unless that's what you like. If you like that, go for it. But I don't think most of us as men like being submissive. Be equal, or be the one that's the leader.
And when it comes to real life, never accept a crappy relationship. If you don't love the woman you're with, if you're not proud to be out with her, if you don't want to spend as much time with her as she'll give you, if you don't care about her a lot — then it's so much better to be single. Being single is so much better than a bad relationship.
But guys, some of you have never had a great relationship. I've had a great relationship. My ex and I started out with a great relationship. I loved being out with her. All my friends were like, how did you get a woman that hot? And I loved her personality — how about that? We had so much fun. We had so much sex. We traveled and did all kinds of fun stuff and built a beautiful life together. I made millions of dollars online that she helped inspire. And then the relationship kind of fell apart when she started dominating — when she started telling me, we're not having any more kids. I'm like, what happened to having a discussion? I don't care what you think, we're not having any more kids — deal with it. I'm like, well, this isn't working for me. So I then became the submissive man. The kids were getting parented how she thought they should get parented. We did everything she wanted to do. I had to ask permission to get a vacation — I had to beg her for a vacation, and she wouldn't even schedule it. It felt horrible. So don't ever be in a relationship like that, where you feel like you're not the leader, where you have to just try to speak up.
Dating Is Not Broken
And yet, if you've never been in a relationship that's been awesome, don't let all these people lie to you and tell you dating's broken. Dating's not broken — if you're a real man, a man that has his inner strength, that's not broken by the world. When you see me, you see a man that's not broken by the world, that still has that original fire from when I was a teenager, that still has that original vigor and energy that wakes up ready to go first thing in the morning. I don't know your name right now. I don't know you, and you're just a number on a screen, but I'd like to know you. I'd like to be there to support you with more than just talking — I'd like to be there to match you. If you want that, join the Jerry Banfield Family and message me directly.
I'm proud that when I see my teenage nephew and I listen to him talk, I realize I need to step my talking game up to talk like he does. Because that's a man — that's an 18-year-old man that hasn't been broken by the world yet. And I'm 42 and I haven't been broken by the world either, and I'm proud of that. And I want a woman who wants a man who's strong — who doesn't want a broken, weak-ass man. And if you're a broken, weak-ass man, that's okay. Do your thing, my man. Go ahead. There are plenty of opportunities for you to serve. But I want to lead. I'm not here to follow — I'm here to lead. And to lead, I need to be a whole, strong-ass man. I'm tired of going around feeling like a broken man. And the beautiful thing is, the first step is realizing you're going around treating life like you're broken, like you're weak, like life has crushed you. Fuck that. I love my life and I'm full of energy. I want to be this way, and I want to be this way until I move on. I love that.
Dating Punishes Weak Men — And That's Good
So, single men, yes — I acknowledge that dating can be difficult. But good. Because you can get away with being a weak man when you avoid dating. When you get into the dating world, you will not get away with being a weak man. You will be punished for being a weak man. And that's what happened to me. When I got out of the divorce last year, I was used to being dominated. I was used to my ex's ultra-liberal family, used to hearing about toxic masculinity all the time — anything that's a little masculine is toxic — and trying to always appease her and avoid arguing with her. At some point, my masculinity had slipped away. I even had a crush on a woman before who seemed to have a crush on me — and she was a lesbian. That's the kind of woman I was attracting. It's like, oh, I could like him, he's very feminine. No. I'm tired of that. Now, I love women, and I love the feminine sides of me. But there's a side of me that leads, and it's the man — it's the masculine — that leads.
And I've gotten punished dating. Absolutely punished. Over and over: I don't feel the romantic spark. My intuition says you're just not for me. I had a woman over to my house — I told this story in my last video about titles — and she tried to kiss me, and I backed away. And you know what? I looked in the mirror and I felt disgusted. Seriously? This woman you were really excited about, that you were saying was your queen — you spent hours sitting on the couch with her, she was all warmed up, she was really into you, she tries to kiss you, and you back away? Because you think you're that nice of a guy? What a loser. That was inauthentic. You told this woman you'd be happy to be patient and take it slow. Lies. I'm not a guy that's patient and takes it slow. When you're first starting to drive, it makes sense to go slow, because you don't know what you're doing. But I've been on this planet 42 years now. I've dated. I've had sex with 20 different women — which is not a lot, and it's ideal to minimize your body count, but I've had sex with 20 different women. I know a little bit about what I'm doing. I've had a 15-year relationship.
Body Count, Validation, and What I Have to Offer
I don't put my body count out there to brag. A lower body count would be better. The ideal scenario would be to have one woman that you had sex with and loved and married, had a good time with, and had an amazing life with. That would be simple. Because in my experience, more generally, people that have a higher body count are less satisfied with their life and their relationships. I knew a guy who just disappeared — who is no longer here — and he was a perfect example of that. He said his body count was over 500, and look where he's at now. He's moved on. He was obsessed with escaping the matrix.
And this is what single life for men can be like. Being a single man, getting divorced — one of the most dangerous times in a man's life. I was desperate to get another relationship, because I'm like, I need this woman to validate me. Fuck that. You don't need a woman to validate you. You should be validating yourself. You should feel good about how you're behaving in the world, and you should feel good about what you have to offer the world. I know what I have to offer the world. I teach. I lead by example. I'm sober 12 years. You're stuck in addiction? I've beat that. I've crushed it. I go to Alcoholics Anonymous a few days a week, and I help other people crush it too. I put in the work. God helped — but God didn't drag my ass to meetings. I did. I went to meetings when I didn't want to, and I still go to meetings when I don't want to, so maybe I can help somebody else, and because I want to stay sober.
I used to be a fat-ass. I weighed 80-plus pounds more than I do now. Dude, I look beautiful right now. Some of the most beautiful women I come across find me attractive — not all of them, obviously, but I find them attractive, and I love how I look. My ex actually liked me better when I was fatter, which is funny. But my next woman is going to love how I look now, and I'm proud of that.
So guys, yes, being single is a great time to work on yourself. But don't get sloppy and think you're just going to stay single and withdraw from dating. That's stupid. Do not withdraw from dating. Think about the value you have to offer to a woman's life — and obviously that's my point of view, but gay, straight, whatever, do your thing — think about the value you have to offer a partner. I'm an amazing partner. My ex and I had a hell of a great time for years, all kinds of fun. We made two kids together, and we still co-parent our kids together very cooperatively.
What Women Are Really Looking For
I am here to offer an amazing life to an amazing woman, and I've got that to offer. It would be insane for me to be like, oh, dating's too hard. Oh, it's so hard. Oh, the dating apps. The dating apps do suck — fuck them, delete them. But women? No. Women want a man to love them. I'd say women are collectively more desperate than they've ever been for a guy to really be a real man and love them. Now, I'm not talking about being a toxic asshole that doesn't think of them. I stripped down my masculinity too much because in my 20s I was that toxic asshole dude. But you can be a real, strong man who's a little dangerous, but safe — always safe and ready to protect your woman, but if anyone messes with you, dangerous. That's what a lot of women are looking for.
I look at my son — he's eight years old — and I'm like, I need to be a role model for this boy, because this boy is awesome and I love him. My teenage nephew, same thing. Go out in the world and be a strong man. Don't let the world beat you. Don't let these people talking trash — who are probably paid, incentivized, or buying traffic to push bullshit narratives like "dating's fucked, just stay at home in your parents' house" — get to you. Fuck that. Get out there and approach women. Obviously, if a woman says, ew, I'm not interested, go away and approach another one. But I'm tired of going around acting like, oh, I'm this nice guy, I wouldn't hurt anyone. Fuck that. You try to break into my house at 3 a.m., you're going to see I'm not a nice guy. I'm not here to just welcome you in. I'm here to serve and to help others find their strength.
I see a lot of women today struggling, because what they say is, oh, I want an emotionally intelligent man, an authentic man — but they want a real man too, and that's probably the deeper desire. A man that's strong. A man that has a voice that sounds like there's some substance behind it — not a poor bastard who's been broken down by life for 20 years at a corporate job. And I'm disgusted to look back and see how many women have thought, I just don't feel the romantic spark. Now I'm a man you feel the romantic spark with — or you're like, fuck this guy, this guy's an asshole and I can't stand him. Those are the two appropriate reactions to me. Apathy should not be a reaction for a man. As a man that's fully in himself, you should usually be getting either "no thank you, not interested, not you" — or the opposite: "oh my God, I've got to have you." If you're getting apathetic responses from women, you aren't digging into who you really are. And I'm grateful that I'm digging into who I really am.
A Great Relationship Beats Being Single
The first step is to realize that if you want an awesome life — yes, being single is great, but being in a great relationship will make a way better life than being single. Being single sucks compared to being in a great relationship. But being single is awesome compared to being in a shitty relationship. And I don't care who you are: you can optimize yourself. You can look better. And you don't have to looksmax or do any of that bullshit — I don't do any of that crap. In my experience, my skin looks nice because I eat whole-food plant-based, I get out in the sun, I exercise, I sweat, I get my sleep, and I don't mess with my face or do any weird stuff. My face looks nice because I take care of it. My body looks good because I take care of it, and it works good because I take care of it. I don't put junk in my body, so my body looks good and it's lean. That gives me a great starting point with women. I used to be a fat-ass, which made it harder to get women interested in me. I've never had it this easy — I've never had it this easy with women before. And I'm so excited to see which woman is going to be like, thank God, a real man who also has emotional intelligence and empathy, that I'm safe with, but who's dangerous to anybody who's going to mess with us. I think there are more women than ever desperate to find that.
Rejection Is Part of the Game
So don't be beaten down by the world. Don't just sit at home and jerk off and play video games and think, well, dating's too hard. Fuck that. You need to be a better man so that you can handle the difficulty. Yes, dating is difficult — it sure as hell is. But it's difficulty that's going to make you a better man. Because when you see how you act with a woman and feel like shit about it — because you acted like a whiny little bitch like I did — when you see that, it's like, what? I need to step up. I need to stop being a whiny little bitch. And I'm saying that for comedic effect, because that's how I talk to myself. It's like, come on. Come on, Jerry. You remember how to be a strong man. You're a police officer. Get out there and act like it. Don't go out there thinking, oh, I'm scared of rejection. Oh, I asked her if she wanted to go on a date and she didn't respond. So what? Ask 10 more women to go on a date, and if one responds, good.
I had four dates scheduled in the last week, with four different women, and all of them canceled. So what? I don't give a shit. Two canceled for weather — we were supposed to play tennis. One flaked off the dating apps. One canceled because she had something to go to — court — and she got all upset beforehand. I'm like, well, that's that. I put the effort in; I didn't get the results. And I'm going to try to set up four different dates this next week, with as many women as possible, and just have fun. I'm going to enjoy myself, and I'm going to enjoy my single life. But I have no illusion: being single is nothing compared to being in a great relationship.
The Truth, at Least My Truth
So I hope this gets out there for all of you that these channels are bullshitting. This is the truth — at least it's my truth. And if you enjoyed it, get in the Jerry Banfield Family right now. Feel proud that you're supporting me, because I'm here to support you — and you'll have somebody to be accountable to, somebody you can ask questions to, who's not out here full of shit.
Keep your eyes open, keep approaching, and keep building yourself into the man a great woman is desperate to find. If you want more of my honest takes on being a single man, I share the whole journey in my Dating playlist.