Want to Have a Date with Me?

Who I am

Ex-cop turned YouTuber · self-employed since 2012 · author of 35 books

I'm 42, divorced, and a father of two. I want a serious relationship that leads to marriage and more children. I don't have to play games or pretend with you, because if you're the kind of woman who likes me from my videos, you're going to like my directness too.

I changed my college major because I was bored and somehow became a police officer. Then I quit a PhD to talk to a camera, and I've worked for myself ever since 2012. I've written 35 books. One of them, I'm Seeking a Wife, is a whole book written directly to you, the woman I haven't met yet.

Sobriety is the foundation of my life. I've been sober since 2014, more than twelve years now. I go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings most days, not because I need them to stay sober, but because when I was new I needed people who showed me that life could be joyful, and now I get to be that for someone else. Personally, I don't drink, smoke, or use any mind-altering substances. That's my path, and it's given me a clear, happy life.

Health is the central pillar. I eat whole-food plant-based, I lift weights, I do hot power yoga, and I play tennis as often as I can. I have more energy at 42 than I did at 22. I can sprint up to the net from the baseline and grab almost any ball you hit at me.

I'm a dad. My kids are a central part of my life, and at the same time, I have plenty of space to be a devoted husband and father again. I'm rooted here in St. Pete until they're grown.

Faith and gratitude. My mornings start with thank you. I'm deeply curious about spirituality, and I'm grounded enough in myself that I don't need you to believe exactly what I believe. The same goes for politics, as long as you're thoughtful and kind.

I learned honesty the hard way. Years ago, a business of mine failed and I quietly borrowed money on credit cards instead of telling the truth at home. I remember sitting in the car, sobbing, before I finally said it all out loud. That day changed me. Now I lead with full disclosure. I'm not hiding anything foundational from you. What you get is a version of me that's already been repaired and put back together. And honesty goes both ways: you can tell me anything. I'm someone it's genuinely safe to be honest with.

I'm not going to pretend I have it all figured out. I'm still working on being less critical and less impatient. But I take regular inventory, and when I'm wrong, I admit it promptly.

What I'm looking for

I want a second wife who is healthy, who wants to have kids, and who really loves me for me. I'd love for you to be part of the Jerry Banfield show with me. I wrote more about why I'm doing this so openly in I'm Using YouTube as a Dating App.

• You want children. This one matters deeply to me. Marriage, in some form, matters to me too. I explain why in Divorced Dad in My 40s Wanting More Kids.
• You're healthy, or you want to be, and you'd rather play a sport or explore a new place than sit in front of the TV.
• You're curious. You don't need to be a brainiac. I want us to be able to stimulate each other through conversation so neither of us ever gets bored.
• You're into me. When you're obsessed with me, I'll be obsessed with you right back. I love a ride-or-die partnership.
• You'd be willing to live in St. Petersburg, Florida, because I'm rooted here until my kids are adults.
• You're working on yourself. I want a relationship where we're both consciously growing, and I'll be doing my part.

What I want to build with you is simple: an equal partnership where we work together and nobody has to be the selfish jerk. I'm flexible about how we share roles. If you want a career, I'm happy to take on more at home. If you'd rather be home with our kids, I'd love to support that too. And I really want my next relationship to be the rest of my life.

I'm completely emotionally available. I'm not dating anyone right now.

What matters most to me

Clarity is kindness, so here's what matters most to me, up front, before you spend an hour with me.

• Health comes first. This is my first and foremost priority. I want to be with a woman who takes care of her body and her mind. You're active, you eat well, and you'd love for us to be healthy together and raise healthy kids together. You don't have to be perfect or already where you want to be. I just want to know health matters to you as much as it matters to me.
• A healthy relationship with substances. I've been sober since 2014 myself, and I love the clear life it's given me. This isn't a purity test for you, though. What doesn't work for me is alcoholism, daily drinking, or being emotionally attached to any substance. If the rest of your health is in line, a very occasional casual drink, or even plant medicine, can be okay. What I really care about is whether you take care of your body and your mind, and whether we can build a healthy life and raise healthy kids together.
• Wanting children. I want more kids, and I'd love to have them with you.
• Positive and kind. I want a gentle, loving home with laughter in it, and I'll hold up my side of that.
• Honest communication. No ghosting, no games, no disappearing and reappearing. I won't make you guess where you stand, and I'd love the same from you.
• Emotionally available and looking for something real. I want a queen and a deep, beautiful relationship, not a surface-level hookup. I want marriage and family.
• Open to St. Petersburg. My life and my kids are here, so I need you to be willing to make a home here with me.

I'm not settling. As I shared in I'd Rather Stay Single Than Settle, I'd rather wait for the right woman than rush into the wrong life. The last thing I want is to jump into another marriage and more kids only to end up divorced again. I want to get this right, with you.

What dating me is like

First priority: our dates need to be fun. If we can't have fun together, why would we want to do anything else together? I want us laughing, joking, teasing each other, and playing.

I like dates where we move. I've learned to plan a lot more active dates with you in mind: coffee and a walk, tennis, anything where we're moving instead of sitting across a table. Tennis is my favorite. In I kept asking for a month, she finally said yes, I finally got a full match with a woman I met on the court, and I had such a great time laughing that I couldn't stop feeling grateful. I once had two tennis first dates in one day, so yes, a tennis date with me is a real option.

One of my favorite recent dates was coffee and lunch at the Dali Museum, an hour in the galleries, and a walk in the garden. We went back and forth between silly comments that had us laughing and deep conversations about art and the meaning of life. That's my ideal with you: goofy one minute, deep the next. The beach is right here too, and sunset on the water in St. Pete never gets old.

I pay for our dates. I'll put in the effort by phone, and I'll match or beat yours. If you're wondering why I care so much about that, read I Thought Waiting to Text Made Me More Attractive. I Was Wrong.

Dating me is like

Tennis at noon, a plant-based dinner I actually cooked for you, a conversation that goes somewhere, and no guessing games.

I could stay up all night talking with you about

Why people fall in love, whether past lives are real, and the last thing you read that changed your mind.

The one thing you should know about me is

I'm rigorously honest. It comes with dark humor and a lot of playfulness, and it means you'll never have to guess where you stand.

My simple pleasures

A book at 2x speed, a hard tennis match, a farmers market with the dogs, sunset on the water, and a salad the size of my head.

Give me travel tips for

Wherever you'd go next. I grew up on Army bases in Japan and Germany, and I've been planning the next trip ever since.

We'll get along if

You can move from dark humor to a deep conversation without needing a transition.

How I'd treat you is the part I'm most excited about. I want to be the love in your life, the light and the joy. If you look in the mirror and focus on flaws, I hope you'll begin to see yourself through my eyes, because I don't fixate on details. I see the whole person. If you get your feelings hurt and cry, I'm right there with you. I love knowing I have one woman who is my number one, and that I'm her number one. I wrote about this in The Right Person Makes You Want to Give, Not Take.

What a friend says about me

On September 24 I did my live conversation with my friend Ashley Cummings, our third time talking together. I didn't ask her to say nice things. Here's what she said anyway.

"I just love how you're honest."Ashley Cummings

"You're so together. You're so on point. Like you're very clear. Like I love the way that you operate."Ashley Cummings

"I think it's really cool how self aware you are and any woman that you end up with is going to be very lucky to have you."Ashley Cummings

"You can do a Zoom date with him from anywhere in the world."Ashley Cummings, giving this page a shout-out, unprompted

She was honest with me too, which is why I trust her. She called out something I'm working on: I can sound confident and ready, and then wonder out loud why a woman would even reach out to me. "That's like incongruent thinking," she told me. She's right. I'm working on it. Part of the reason I made this page for you is to stop overthinking and simply open the door. I'm a good man, I'm ready, and I'm letting you come find me.

What I've learned this year

I've been dating since my divorce, and I've made plenty of mistakes in public. I share them because I'd rather you know who I really am than meet a polished version of me.

I deleted the dating apps. I spent over a thousand dollars on them and deleted them three or four times. They sabotaged my confidence. Now they're gone for good.

Matchmaking wasn't my lane. I paid for professional matchmaking and learned a lot about effort, fun, and active dates, which I wrote up in I Spent $5,000 on Matchmaking. 0 Second Dates. What I realized is that the woman most likely to love me is someone who already knows me from my videos. There are women all over the world who could fall in love with me on YouTube, and you might be one of them.

I stopped chasing. I'll give everything I've got to you, but you're going to have to come get it. That isn't me being cold. It's me wanting mutual enthusiasm instead of convincing someone.

Friends first, and second chances. Ashley helped me see that I've let my head shut down a lot of good connections this year. I want to go slower, be a friend with no endgame, and give second dates to women I might have written off too fast. I've also learned to have fewer dealbreakers and focus on the few that really matter.

Effort by phone matters. I used to date like it was 2010 and wait days to reply. Now I'll match your effort, because more communication is better.

Two more posts sum up where I've landed: I Went on 20+ Dates After My Divorce. Here's Everything I Was Doing Wrong. and Dating Isn't a Numbers Game. One Deep Connection Can Change Your Life. And for what attraction means to me, see Destroying Bad Dating Advice. I'm looking for someone who reacts differently to me, and I hope that's you.

Why our first date is a Zoom call

Earlier this year I imagined my ideal love story: you find my work, you get on Zoom with me, and we have a great conversation. Then we talk a few more times. You share your life with me. Then we meet in person. I still think that's the most beautiful love story I could have. You find my videos on YouTube, you schedule a Zoom call with me, our first several dates happen right there on Zoom, and then we meet up in person.

I'll be honest with you: earlier this month I didn't want video calls before meeting. I changed my mind. A woman asked me for a call first, and I realized she was right, and that tens of thousands of women around the world who already watch me could have that same chance. Even Ashley says to always talk before you meet someone.

It's private. A friend told me that a lot of women won't want to jump straight into a recorded call, and he was right. Our call is just you and me. I don't record it. If you'd love to share it on my dating channel someday, that's your choice, never mine.

It's the same paid one-hour call I offer everyone. Here's my honest reasoning, and I hope it lands warmly. My attention is the most valuable thing I have. I've spent a year trading messages with women who disappeared and paying for dates that never went anywhere. When you schedule an hour with me, you're telling me you're serious, and I'm telling you the same thing back: for that hour, you have all of me. If you want to talk to me, that call is how we do it, and I'll show up for it like it matters, because it does. That's why I made the DATE926 code: 50% off, just for you if you're coming from this page.

Depth can happen quickly when two people are willing to show up honestly. An hour face to face tells us more than a month of texting.

How it works

1. Email me at date@jerrybanfield.com. Tell me a little about you. For the best experience, skip the email and schedule a one-hour Zoom call with me instead; the DATE926 code on this page's links takes 50% off and we go straight to a real first date.
2. We talk for an hour on Zoom. Ask me anything and I'll answer it completely. Tell me your story. I'd love to hear it.
3. If we both feel it, we do a few more Zoom dates. Ashley says it takes about three times with someone to see who they really are, and I think that's wise.
4. Then we meet in person in St. Pete. Tennis, the Dali, the beach, or wherever you'd like. My treat.

If it isn't a match, I'll tell you kindly and directly. I won't ghost you. Any meaningful connection should at least end in friendship.

Questions you might have

Why do I have to pay for a first date?

Because it's the same one-hour call I offer everyone, and it makes sure we both show up serious. You get my full, undivided attention for an hour. DATE926 takes 50% off, and the buttons here apply it for you.

Is the call recorded?

No. It's private and stays that way unless you choose to record and share it. That's always your call.

What if I live far away?

That's exactly why our first date is on Zoom. You can do a Zoom date with me from anywhere in the world. If we're a great match, I'll just be honest that I'm rooted in St. Pete until my kids are grown.

You have kids. Is there room for me?

Yes. My kids are central to my life, and I have plenty of space to be a devoted partner to you too. I'd love to have more children with the right woman.

Do I have to be sober too?

No. I've been sober since 2014, but this isn't a purity test. Alcoholism, daily drinking, or being emotionally attached to a substance won't work for me. A very occasional casual drink, or even plant medicine, can be okay if the rest of your health is in line. What I need is for health to come first for you, so we can build a healthy life and a healthy family together.

What happens after the call?

If we both want to, we plan another Zoom date, then a few more, and then we meet in person in St. Pete. If it isn't a fit, I'll tell you kindly, and I'll be grateful for the hour.

Can I just watch first?

Of course. Watch my Jerry Banfield Dating channel and get a feel for me. The more of my videos you've seen, the better our call will be.

Follow along: Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok @jerrybanfielddating.