A viewer recently sent me a message after seeing I was in distress about my dating, after having more than 20 women I've went out with in 2026 and none of it has went anywhere. And I'm going to destroy this message today, because a lot of you, these are the things you are thinking too, and these are the things people are telling you and giving you advice about. And this is such garbage. Like, you got to be able to separate the true from the false. And the assumptions underneath this message are absolute crap. So let's look at the message first, and then we'll dissect this for the purpose of helping you be empowered and discerning and take control of your own dating life like I do.
So this is the message that got sent to me, and I simplified the message and paraphrased it, so the person themselves will get no attention and I would stick to destroying their message instead of them.
"You have no swag"
So one of the things they said is, you have no swag. Like, first off, whoever sent this message, you've not met me in person. You have no idea how I act. Swag is a completely subjective idea. One woman's idea of swag is another woman's idea of creep. Things are subjective.
This is what's so important to understand in dating: dating is so subjective. One woman could love the way I move, and another woman could be completely creeped out about it, and another woman could be completely oblivious to it. You have no swag. Like, this is just, it's an empty suggestion. It's an empty, it's just like calling somebody names. It's like completely irrelevant.
"Women end dates quickly"
And then, women end dates quickly. No, not all of them. Again, so many of us can't handle the complexity and the confusion in dating that we're desperate for. We're desperate for these simple answers and simple ways of looking at things. And you will be punished for that in dating, because dating involves interacting with other human beings who are not just, mostly, not just NPCs, not just bots. This isn't a video game. These are deep people that have so much possibility and so, their own life stories, their own conditioning, their own trauma, their own turn ons, their own turn offs.
Again, so many jump to generalization. Women end dates quickly. No, they don't. I've had dates with women that have lasted hours, and where I end up ending them. All women that go out with me do not end dates early. And if you're in your own dating life, I'm sharing this to help you, because these are the kinds of things your mind will tell you that are garbage. And you've got to always argue with yourself. And when your mind gives you some garbage message like this, what I do is I look for a counterpoint. I will debate all the BS thoughts that my mind has. So this, not true.
"They see you as a male girlfriend"
And then, they see you as a male girlfriend. Again, trying to summarize more than 20 women who've went out with me this year. And that is not the experience of all of them. And that's what's different with dating, is you're actually looking for someone who doesn't respond to you the way everybody else does.
The underlying assumption that is junk underneath this message is that all people are the same. And in this case, that would apply to men and women, but they're sending a message like this, which this is a reflection of a significant portion of the human consciousness, but not all by any means, and maybe not even the majority. But this is how many of you all think. And this kind of thinking will keep you limited and keep you out of your best opportunities.
All women do not see me as a male girlfriend. There are plenty of women that want me, that are interested in me. And I'm not interested in most of them. So there are women, the last woman that I had sex with did not see me as a male girlfriend. She was extremely horny for me. And some of the women I've went out with this year have felt the same way.
So it's extremely important in dating: do not collapse your idea of a big, abundant possibility of many different people into simple stories that remove all the depth. Women do not all see me as a male girlfriend, and the ones that do don't matter. It doesn't matter if one, if five, if a hundred women all want to friend zone me, that doesn't matter, because I'm only interested in the ones who don't see me that way. And the suggestions here are absolute garbage. And these are the things that a lot of other creators are peddling.
"Get a hair transplant"
A hair transplant. To me, what says I'm not proud of how I look, that I have issues with me, than getting a hair transplant. That is the absolute worst suggestion I've seen in any of my videos for dating. Look at my hair. I don't see a need for a hair transplant. The hair is going well. And I'm grateful that I can see stuff like this. And people say similar things to me in person, sometimes they're on the phone, and I destroy their arguments and I don't even consider it.
I'm like, seriously, there's no way I would pay money. I'll spend money on all kinds of stuff, and I'll tell you exactly what my net worth is. And I'll borrow money on credit cards to pay my rent and take my kids to do fun stuff. And I show exactly what my net worth is. And you know what I'd never pay for? A fucking hair transplant. Come on, man. I don't give a shit if all the hairs in my head fall out. I will never pay to put hair in my head. That is something that just, for me, that would be lame.
If you want a hair transplant, by all means, do it. I ain't mad at you. But for me, I don't believe in elective surgeries. Especially not body looks maxing augmentation. I don't believe in that for me personally. And I am turned off by women who have had elective surgeries to do the same kind of thing. I love a woman that's all natural. And not all guys feel the same way. There are some guys that love a woman that's had some elective surgeries. I love a woman that's all natural. Now, it's not to say an elective surgery would be a deal breaker, but I sure as hell would never get a transplant.
"You need more muscle"
Number two, more muscle. I have 130 pounds of muscle. According to my scale, that is enough. All I need to do from here is maintain. Now, here's the thing. I realize that this comment is valid a certain percentage of the time. Anywhere from 10% to maybe even 50% of the time. But dating, if I can communicate anything to you, you don't need to try and be right even 90% of the time. You need to find someone, and I am looking for someone, who reacts differently to me. Who loves that I don't have a hair transplant. That sees that I have 130 pounds of muscle on a 170 pound body, and sees that is enough.
That I can sprint up to the net from the baseline on the tennis court. I can sprint and grab almost any ball. I consistently get my opponents impressed with my hustle, because I have a lot of leg muscle. And a lot of guys don't pay attention to leg muscles. They get these big, superficial, huge chests, which I think look gross.
If I was to be gay, and maybe I'm 10% gay and 90% straight, but I tell you what, I would not want to be with a guy who had one of these artificially inflated chests, that he's used who knows what to help him get this huge chest and these ripped muscles. That is a turnoff to me. I want a guy, if I was gay, that was naturally lean. I don't like guys with big arm muscles. It looks useless and a waste of time. I follow a couple of these guys, and they just show off how ridiculously ripped they are. And that's not the kind of man I would want to be with.
I'd much rather be with a man who uses his mind a lot more, and can have a deep conversation, and has better things to do than obsess about every single little part of his six pack, and be in the gym for several hours every day, lifting the same weight for no reason. Like, you're not accomplishing anything. You're literally taking a weight and moving it around. It's kind of like that when I go for a run outside.
But to me, I love the body I have. And yes, I do believe in lifting weights and strength training, but I don't need more muscle. I'm strong enough for everything I need to do. And if I need help moving, I pay somebody that has bigger muscles than me to help. And in my experience, I've injured myself before, and set myself up to be injured, by having this body that is formed poorly and is optimized for lifting weights, instead of doing real activities. Like tennis, like yoga, like running, like ordinary day to day shit.
What I've noticed is that if I do a whole bunch of weight training and artificially get certain muscles bigger, then it yanks on other muscles, it can cause problems in the body. My body is beautifully balanced. It all works together. I can run, I can play tennis. I love my body how it is.
And I've had several people in person say, bro, you need to bulk up. Women, you look at your shoulders, they don't have enough slope, you need to get bigger. I'm like, fuck that. No, I don't, because not all women agree. I realize some women will just see a guy with a bigger chest and immediately chase him down to give him her phone number. Is that my kind of woman, though? No, because my kind of woman will appreciate why I look how I do, and will be more interested than superficial, shallow shit, like, look at these biceps. That's disgusting to me. That's disgusting to me as a philosophy for living.
I don't just modify my body for somebody else's idea of how it should look beautiful. That is an ugly mindset to me. And I'm not attracted to women that do the same thing, like women that are doing the equivalent of what guys are doing. And like over the top, like, there's a certain percentage that looks nice, but then it gets to be unattractive when you go past that. When you're obsessing so much about the appearance of your body that you're not taking time to think about your mind, and how you're thinking, and what you're learning, and getting smarter, and growing spiritually. So, another garbage suggestion.
"Awkward hand gestures"
Number three, awkward hand gestures. Like, bro, your hand gestures are artistic. How the fuck do you even see my hand gestures? You see me from like the shoulders up. Awkward hand gestures, again, this is how shallow and how superficial and how relative everything is, because my hand gestures might turn some women on, and maybe they turn some women off. But awkward hand gestures, like, there are so many women out there. They're not paying attention to my hand gestures.
They're not deciding whether they want to fuck me based off of how my hands are moving. And I don't see how this shit's not so obvious to everyone. And I do see how someone could think it, because you've watched all this stuff, because you've been conditioned, and other people have told you this stuff's true, and you haven't thought about it. You haven't questioned, really. There are some people, like, women put all this effort into their clothes. It is lost on me.
"Your silly clothes"
And that goes to number four, your silly clothes. I, in the past, have worn satin shirts, and would put some of the matching shorts on. And I had women, when I was in college, just come, would throw themselves at me. Well, this girl wants to study. That girl wants to go out. This one wants to give me her virginity. This one wants to be my girlfriend. These seven women are all in my room drinking shots.
Like, the clothes, my clothes, yeah, if you go around wearing football jerseys and then you want to attract a woman that's pretty, sometimes that can be difficult. But the clothes I wear are good enough. The clothes I wear are an accurate representation. And right now on eBay, the clothes I wear have huge bids on them. This Jerry Banfield shirt that I met the Queen in has been bid up to $10,000 for this shirt. And then this one that I wore on one of these podcasts has been bid up to $7,000. So somebody wants these shirts I'm wearing. And my silly clothes are going to turn into a full time income.
Who are you taking advice from?
So I saw this message, and my first thought was, what a load of shit. And my second thought was, I'm going to teach people what a load of shit this is. And so much of the dating advice, so many, like, there was this one person who got an elective surgery, and I was following them before. I'm like, nope, I don't give a shit about anything you have to say. Because whatever you do, you're going to get paid. However you're thinking, and you're getting this elective surgery, I don't give a shit about anything you have to say again. You are finished. I'm hiding. I'm never watching one of your videos again. I don't give a, I'm finished with you. Because that doesn't vibe with my mindset.
And if you listen to people who have a fucked up mindset, at least as far as you and your world, if the world you're living in is what's naturally beautiful, a body that's taken care of by eating healthy foods and being out in the sun and having a positive mindset, and all natural is attractive to you, if you listen to people spewing all this superficial bullshit, like elective surgeries, which again, you do elective surgeries if you want to. This is a free world. That's just not my world, and that's not attractive to me in my world. Not a deal breaker, but in my world, nobody is going to give me advice that's doing things that are not valid in my world. Your advice means nothing as soon as you step into areas where it's like, ew, that's, I don't care about anything you have to say now, because I know I don't want what you have.
And so many of the people that are out here giving advice, selling courses, and creating mindsets in people like this, if you saw all the details of their lives, which, as a YouTuber myself, I get to see more details than many of you. I get to see more details than many of you do about how people like me are living behind the scenes. Most people are telling you whatever they think you want to hear, whatever will make them money, and at least half the time, whatever they're doing behind the scenes, if they were transparent about it, would piss you off, and you wouldn't follow them again. They're trying to sell you something. They're trying to make you feel bad and feel like you can't do it yourself, and then you need their help.
Fuck that. I don't need their help, and I don't want what most people creating content from an authority basis have. I don't want what you have. I don't want to be in my early 30s, and all I have, some of the people like creating dating content, creating stuff like this, they spent tons of money on elective surgeries, all they've done is have sex and hook up and just have meaningless drama. They haven't had one great relationship in their entire life. They've not known real true love. They've certainly had lust, and they've got numbers, but they haven't had true love like I've had in my life. They haven't provided for children or family. So, I don't give a fuck what you have to say.
Like, that's why I do my content. Because there aren't a lot of people saying what I say, and everything I've been living through dating this year is in my Dating playlist. And there aren't very many people who are authentic like me. And I'm living this shit for real. I just share what I'm doing and what I'm thinking off the top of my head. Because it takes, I'll give these other people credit that are constantly tricking y'all, it takes a lot more work to trick than it does to be authentic. And even some that are authentic, like, they're authentically compromised. And I don't want what they have.
Do you want what they have?
So, my question to you always is, do you want whatever, whoever you're watching, do you want what they have? I have power. I have strength. I look in the mirror and love myself and smile. And I'm attracted to women on that same wavelength.
You can apply for a date with me
So, if you're a woman, you can now have a date with me. And this will be even better for all the haters sending silly messages like that. Go to jerrybanfield.com/date, or you can go to jerrybanfield.com and scroll down to "Want to go on a date with me." I'm going to have dates with women recorded on Zoom, and I'll show you exactly how I am on a real date with somebody. I just opened this up yesterday. So if you're on jerrybanfield.com and you go to /date, you can now apply for a date. And if you're a woman that aligns with what's clearly laid out on this page and an application, you can have a date with me, and it could turn into an actual relationship.
And what you see is, again, this is an outlier. This is obviously probably 99% of the women are not going to want to go to jerrybanfield.com. Maybe 99.99% are not going to want to go to jerrybanfield.com and have a Zoom date. But I have hundreds of thousands of people that see my videos every month, and it only takes a handful of women to go to jerrybanfield.com who love Jerry Banfield, who love me exactly as I am, and who've got a crush on me, got a little fantasy about me.
And then these are the women I want to date. And these women will love my fucking hairline and love my silly ass shirts and love my beautiful face and love my shoulder line exactly how it is and love my hand gestures and not need me to have any more muscle, and very much want to fuck me and not see me as a male girlfriend. So, I think I've said enough.