Dating in 2026 is absolutely wrecking me, but I still won't quit. I have what you could call an asset or a liability: I know how awesome dating can be. I'm not going to give up on having the relationship I want, the family I want, the life I want. I'm just not going to quit. I don't care how difficult it is. I've been out with at least 20 women this year. I was in a 15-year relationship and had kids — they're in middle school and elementary now — and I got divorced last year. I've been going at my dating hard because I want another wife. I want more kids, just like my dad. I've got that enthusiasm, that joy for life.
And yet dating has been the most fun thing I've done in 2026, and it has been the most miserable, horrible thing I've done in 2026 also. Humiliation, rejection, hopelessness, confusion, chaos. The last video I did — the one yesterday — was titled "She Canceled Again, seven minutes before our date. Here are the texts." It leaves me questioning everybody and everything. Is there any decent woman out there? But I know that's just my point of view. I know there are women having the same experience with men, wondering, are there any decent men out there? Yes, there are decent men.
Thirty Dates, Ten Cancellations
I've had at least 30 dates this year. I've had at least 40 dates scheduled this year. I've canceled two of them. The women have canceled at least 10 of them and arrived late for a significant portion. I've not been late for any of the dates. I've shown up, or been ready to show up, 38 out of 40 times. I've been dating.
I understand why people give up, but to me, the one thing you can't do in life is give up. You've got to keep trying. You've got to keep going for what you want, all the time, because it all is meaningless otherwise. Yet some people tell me, "Well, just quit trying and you'll find the woman of your dreams." I don't agree with that at all. Everything I've got in my life is from me working for it. Who put this thing together? Me. That's who. Who do I trust? Me. Everything I've got is because I envisioned it, I planned it, I manifested it, I worked for it. I don't believe for a second that if I decide I'm going to give up on dating and stop asking women out, anything will happen. There's no way. I've heard from guys that have been single for years doing that. Some of them just got lucky that a woman chased them out of the grocery store to give them her number. Others waited nearly a decade, and some have never found love again and have resorted to degenerate behaviors just to get by. I'm not going to do that, because it's worth it. And learning how to date is building my character in a way that nothing else has.
Dating Is Harder Than Six YouTube Channels
I started six new YouTube channels five months ago, and the challenge of YouTube has felt easy compared to dating. YouTube's actually on every day. It rarely has a problem when I upload a video. YouTube is consistent. I keep showing up and giving to YouTube, and you all give back to me. It's a symbiotic relationship, and I'm grateful. Last week I made about a thousand dollars on jerrybanfield.com, which is awesome, considering I started from scratch and just built this new website. I'm super grateful for those of you on the leaderboard supporting me and joining the chat.
I've also just started offering dating coaching, because I feel you — if this is hard, you need somebody who understands, somebody who's there with you, and somebody who's got the results. I've got the results. I pick up women in person. I've had dates from dating apps. I have dates from matchmaking. I have dates from friends setting me up. I have dates when I decided I wasn't even going to make anything happen, but then I just had to say something when a woman tells me she's a content creator. I'm getting dates. And these are very attractive women, too — not all of them, but some of them are beautiful women able to have their pick of men.
The Scarcity Mindset Dating Exposed
One reason dating has wrecked me is that it exposed a scarcity mindset I would have gotten away with otherwise. A lot of us go around thinking, "Oh, I'm so abundant. I am so grateful." But then let's see what happens when you date. Let's see what happens when you date a woman like the queen I've said I dated — I've told that story a bunch, and it's on my Jerry Banfield channel in my vlogs. I listened back to the voice memos I sent her. Such a scarcity mindset — crying that I don't want to go back to trying to date somebody. And I see why I don't want to do more of this. But do you go to the gym because you want to actually lift the weights, or do you go to the gym to get the results?
I go to hot yoga most days, and somebody told me, "I don't think you even like yoga." I said, I sure as hell love the results of yoga — that I have a lean, strong body that has endurance. I can play singles tennis for three, four hours in the middle of the heat in Florida, and I get that by doing hot yoga. I love that there are women I can meet at hot yoga. But do I actually enjoy doing the yoga poses? Sometimes I do. Other times I just suffer through it, and I smile while I'm suffering through it.
Even the dating is helping me deal with unpredictability, because I see that I crave certainty. But then, when I had the certainty in my marriage, I craved the unpredictability. It kind of feels a little hopeless sometimes. I have this idea in my mind that I'll be so happy when I find a great woman to date. Well, I had a week of euphoria this year, that's for sure, dating one woman. But the next week and a half were the biggest misery I've had all year too, as she pulled away and I wasn't prepared to pass the test.
Ten Thousand Dollars and a Hundred Dating Videos
When you keep dating like this, you study. I've read so many dating books. I just finished Bobby Rio's The Invisible Game. I read Models by Mark Manson. I read Neil Strauss's The Game. I read No More Mr. Nice Guy. I've read a few others — You Don't Suck, It's Dating, or something like that. I've read books on how to text women. I've watched hours and hours of videos from men and women. I researched. I did a live stream where I showed 100 different dating videos — I went through all of them with AI, summarized all of them, and took the key points out of every one. I was kind of hoping that video did better. Oh, and I should have said this earlier: I've spent ten-plus thousand dollars on matchmaking, dating coaching, dating apps, and paying for everything for every woman I go out with. "I studied 100 dating videos so you can skip the nonsense" — that video was the hardest video I've made all year, a four-hour live stream. I have put in a ridiculous amount of work to dating.
And at this point, I just feel confused, because you hear people say, "Just be yourself." That doesn't seem to work. But then, the problem is I'm looking for an outlier. In theory, with a woman that'll make a great partner for me, I can just be myself. But the queen I went out with says, "I want a guy that's authentic and doesn't play games." So I'm authentic and don't play games. What does she do? She pulls away. "It's too much. It's too much pressure." And then she starts playing games with me. She'll take 10-plus hours to respond to a text message when she's not busy, and then she'll tell me she's not playing games. What do you call it when you had time to edit videos for hours but you didn't have time to send me a message? You don't call that playing games? Because I call that playing games.
Games I Don't Play With My Boys
If one of my boys texts me, I don't sit around thinking about how long I should wait to respond to this fella. If one of my boys texts me, "Hey, are we playing tennis tomorrow?" I'll get my phone and be like, "Yeah, I'm playing tennis tomorrow." Yep. "Hey, you going to be at the AA meeting later?" Either yes, no, or I'll let you know. I don't have to play games messaging my boys. But for some reason, it doesn't seem like I can date women without playing games. Maybe I could date one woman who would appreciate that I do respond back quickly.
It's awful, because I read so much of this stuff, and this guy says this, and this woman says that, and then this other guy says something else, and everybody's out here making money. You don't know who's teaching you something that works for real, or whether they just put it in a book and don't live it themselves. You don't know who's just trying to sell their Skool community and saying anything they need to. And then I try stuff in person, and maybe I tried the wrong thing on the wrong woman. I went out with this rich woman from overseas. Beautiful, rich woman, and she wants kids. She seemed to really like me — one of the few women I actually kissed on the first date. She seemed very into me. And I was watching one of these losers on YouTube who seems to make a lot of money with his dating videos, but the actual stuff he says and does is pathetic, and there's no evidence he's ever had a happy relationship in his life. So I was trying some of that stuff on her. I don't think she liked that I didn't text her for a couple of days. She spiraled and canceled our date. And then I didn't even respond to her canceling. If I had it to do over again, I probably would reach out and try again. But it's like, I try these things and they don't work. I tried Bobby Rio's Scrambler. That didn't work. I ran it as he suggested. Didn't work. I try stuff and it mostly doesn't work. But then I try being myself, and that doesn't work either. Then I don't even know who myself is anymore.
The benefit of all this is I'm getting stronger. Everything else in life, like parenting — I remember parenting felt like a struggle a little while ago when I was married, especially dealing with my now ex-wife and how she parented. She's a great mom; there were just some disagreements on various parenting styles. Now parenting seems so easy. My kids are so much easier than these women I'm trying to date. But then people come and tell me, "Well, you're just attracting these women into your life. You're attracting these avoidant women into your life." Like, what exactly am I doing that's attracting these avoidant women into my life? I don't want avoidant women. I'm tired of avoidant women in my life. For the love of God, could you just respond to the fucking text message without playing games? Could you just show up on the goddamn date?
I Don't Want Women Who Cancel
I don't want women that cancel dates. I hate it. I'm tired of it. I wish every woman had a cancellation rate posted on her dating profile — not that I use dating apps anymore, because if you think canceling is bad when you know somebody in person, it's worse on dating apps. But I know women complain about the same thing. And I'm like, how do you keep picking these losers that cancel on you? Why is it you pick losers to date, and then you say no to dating me? I think I'm a winner. Some people certainly agree with that. And fuck whoever doesn't like it, because in my world, I'm a winner. So I'm asking, why are all the women I'm finding either incompatible with me or losers? And it feels like the same thing on their side — I'm talking to these women, and all they seem to find are guys that are losers. Maybe somebody doesn't have this right. Because it's funny: this one woman I dated tells me about a guy canceling on her, and then literally a week later she's doing the same shit to me — canceling the date at the last minute because she's overwhelmed and she needs to walk with God. What the fuck, man?
The System We're All In
But I have empathy also, and I know this is not a men-versus-women thing. All of us are in this same system. The whole society seems set up to make it difficult for us to have honest, loving human connections with each other. Instead, you're fighting with your parents over some stupid shit you saw online. Your kids are messed up by the social media crap they see online. The coworkers, the friends — it seems like our whole society is designed to separate us, to try and stop us from having human connection, so that we can all be slaves to AI. Is that about accurate? And dating seems to be one of the worst areas where you experience all of this. At least with family, friends, kids, and parents, there's something that's kind of stable there, and you're kind of stuck together. But dating brings out all the worst of this stuff.
At least one thing I'm doing right is I don't think I'm special. If anything, the game is rigged in my favor. I'm a good-looking, intelligent guy who can clearly communicate and who has a history of dating beautiful women and having beautiful children with one of them. The thing's rigged in my favor. I can talk to the most beautiful women, and sometimes I get a great response. And at least I don't think, "Oh, this is just me." It's not. This is a system. This is happening to basically everyone. Or maybe, if it's not, I need to find the person this isn't happening to and learn from them: what are you doing where this isn't happening to you? I love that I don't quit because this is difficult. This is building my character, and I intend to really appreciate the next woman I'm with.
The Mind Games Are Getting to Me
But it's so crazy, because now my mind is so fucked. There's a woman — the number one woman on my leaderboard right now — who sent me a nice text earlier today, and I've got to fucking play games. I can't send a text one minute later. She said she doesn't want games, but I've seen too many times where what women say they want and what they choose and react to are the opposite of what they say. "I want an authentic guy" — then doesn't like the authentic guy or the guy that's nice, and chooses the assholes. "I want a guy that doesn't play games" — then plays games herself and doesn't respond when I don't play games. "Oh, look, I saw your message. I immediately replied" — 10 fucking hours later. Here's a reply. That's games. That's not real. I know you had your phone in your goddamn hand all day. Maybe you put it down for a few hours here and there, but you had that thing all day. That's a game when you're sitting there not responding to me. Goddamn, bro.
The nice thing is that we're in this together. I know that just because things haven't worked out so far, it doesn't mean they're not already working out. I understand how quitting becomes seductive, but at the same time, this is worth doing. I love that I can handle this. Unless something happened to my kids — there are some outlier scenarios — I can't imagine much else harder. Dating is helping me build emotional resiliency and strength, and it's helping me help others do the same thing. I'm grateful that I have this platform to talk about it, because to me, one of the most helpful things I can do is talk about this — then I know I'm helping you know you're not alone. This is hard. Right now, I'm not seeing very many people this is easy for.
I see people in so many situations. I was talking with this beautiful bartender at a sober bar — so there's no alcohol — a beautiful bartender in her early twenties, and she's in a long-distance relationship. I'm like, this is just basic dating 101 of what not to do. Come on, you're a beautiful woman in your early twenties. Why the hell would you be in a long-distance relationship you got into with some guy you barely know?
What Staying Single Too Long Does
I want to be clear I'm not trying to put anybody in particular down, and there are single people who are fantastic people who've had great lives. But in my experience, a lot of the people I've known in person who've been single most of 10, 20, 30 years are insanely selfish, insanely dysfunctional, can hardly handle anything happening, and whine and bitch about every little thing in life. You see how I am — imagine if I didn't date anybody, with my character defects. People who are in a relationship have accountability. They have somebody that lives with them, that calls them out on their shit, that argues with them over what they're doing, that is there to keep an eye on them. People who have been single a long time are often piss-poor teammates in life — lone wolves just doing their own thing, struggling to cooperate with other people — and often, according to the data, they have much poorer health outcomes, especially men: they don't live as long and aren't as happy. Dating exposes all these things and gives you a chance to level up. Now, obviously, there are exceptions.
But here's what I noticed: I could get away with being single and being exactly how I am if I wasn't dating. There's so much of my character that would not be exposed if I wasn't trying. I could get away with my scarcity mindset — it would affect my business, but not as obviously as it does in dating. I could get away with not considering anybody else and parenting my kids that way, because they love me so much they might just fight with me a bit more. But in dating, any time I fail to consider any little thing about a woman, I just pay for it. Any time I'm not paying close attention to what the fuck she might want — does she want to kiss? should I send her a text message? — I pay for it. I don't even understand: how are y'all dating people that are not thoughtful? Why do you put up with that? Oh, I get why you put up with it. Because this is so difficult, it's very easy to just accept someone you have to settle for, because you want to stop dealing with all this. And yeah, if you keep saying no, at some point you might end up being single for 10 or 20 or 30 years, and that's not an ideal way to live.
My dad died 12 years ago, and I miss my mother being in a relationship. It was good for her. It kept her accountable. My mom's life was so much better in so many ways when my dad was around. And my life being married was a lot better in a lot of ways, although I needed a new partner. Lots of times I got bent out of shape being married, but being in a relationship that's happy and healthy is so much better than being single. So I'm going to keep trying. You don't give up on something that's worth doing.
A Hero's Journey
And the journey — I've been dating less than a year after being divorced. I've got time. I'm so excited to see how it works out and what happens, because that's going to be beautiful, and it'll make for a great movie. What makes for a great movie is the hero's journey, and I imagine my dating is going to be a hero's journey, where this is the part where it doesn't look so good. You can watch the whole saga unfold on my Dating playlist. A guy yelled at me the other night that my life's in shambles. I disagree. I'm building a level of character and strength that a lot of people don't, because I'm facing what's difficult in life and consciously choosing to go after it. This is going to make me better at my business. It's making me better as a parent. It's making me stronger as a man.
So I appreciate you watching this. If you want to work with me and have a real, authentic experience, you can go to jerrybanfield.com and chat with me — one-time payment, lifetime access. I offer dating coaching as well, where I'm there to support you in your journey. I'm pretty good at dating, but I'm also shooting for the top. I'm shooting for a woman that is an equal with me, and I need to go pretty close to the top to have an equal with me. If I just set my sights lower, I could very easily — well, I already have turned down plenty of opportunities setting my sights lower. I've got a pretty face, a healthy body, and a strong, smart mind. I'm not accepting less than that. I'm not accepting less than that from myself either. Not yet, anyway.
I've also got a Skool community if you want to talk to me there. Thanks for watching, and I'm interested to see where we go from here.