Back in San Andreas for the First Time Since 2006
My friends, today we're playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for the first time in at least 15 years, since 2006. This was one of my favorite PlayStation 2 games to play. It's available now on Xbox 360 and Xbox One, as well as perhaps on PlayStation, and I hear Rockstar is about to remake this game as well for the newest consoles, including Nintendo Switch. So let's jump into this and see how much fun this game still is.
Dude, I've been buying so many retro games, I gotta stop. I'm making a commitment: I'm not buying any more retro games until I play all the ones I've got. I've got too many of them. I've got at least 50 retro games to play. Forty-five — alright, let's get on the bike. We don't have any fancy rides yet. Here we go. We need to get on the bike and get back to my house, it looks like. Oh, damn, I got hit by a car. Is this a railroad? Oh, you can shift your way forward and backward. Nice. Can I do some tricks right here? Woo, shit! Look at that! Oh, man, that's weak. He can't even get out of this thing. Come on, pedal. Oh, my God. I can't even get out of this thing. Yeah, right around the side. Look at how long I got. He's got his foot up like that — it looks like a dog pissing. Man, this game was originally on PlayStation 2, wasn't it? I remember playing this in college in 2005. This was an amazing game, and the graphics definitely look better on the Xbox One. Oh, shit. Damn it. Didn't I already come through here? Get out! Pedal! Oh, my God. Go up! Just walk the... carry the fucking bike out! Son of a bitch. Damn skate park. Pedal! Oh, shit! There we go. I got out of that. All right, no more.
My $2,000 Retro Game Confession
I've spent over $2,000 on retro games and systems in the last three months. And you all have certainly given me that much back, but at the same time, I got too many damn retro games. I've got at least 50 I haven't played yet. So that's my current biggest struggle right now — spending too much money on retro games. That's where I'm at.
Follow. Let me get some of this... you want a pizza or what? Let me get some of this pizza. Oh, that looks nasty as shit. Oh, let me get a salad meal. Get that salad. I'll have that. Yeah, I'll take the salad meal. Nice and cheesy does it. Isn't this the game where if you eat too much, you'll puke all over the place? Wow, look at the reflections on that floor. Hell yeah, we got the salad at the pizza place. Then this guy just walks in and sticks up the pizza place. Oh, there we go — we can handbrake it. I was wondering what button that was. Look at that handbrake. You like that?
I actually kind of like it when stuff's graffitied now. It's like a little act of resistance, just to let you know that things are not exactly all neatly arranged. No, it doesn't mean I want my house graffitied or anything. But it's interesting how I used to hate graffiti so much, and now I actually kind of smile. I'm like, huh, that's interesting.
We used to do two player on this. My friend and I used to do two player, and we'd go around and just see how many people in cars we could blow up before we died. I probably could have went... oh, shit. Oh, man, I rolled that all the way over.
Why I Sold My Guns in 2016
I sold all my guns back in 2016. I had loved my little gun collection, which wasn't that big — maybe I had a pistol and a shotgun, and I had an MP 15, which is like an M16. I sold those after seeing that, if you have guns, the number one person they're likely to be used on is you. And I was at the time struggling with suicidal thoughts still. So I realized: I think I need to sell my guns. That would be the nicest thing for me to do, or the smartest thing for me to do. I would love to have a gun collection again, though, now that I've worked on those suicidal thoughts. Now that I'm not having those suicidal thoughts anymore and I've done the work to fix that, I would like to have a nice gun collection again. But I'm not looking to get one right now. I'd like to keep them in a gun safe, too, so I don't have to worry about the kids getting into them. Safety is the number one priority when it comes to firearm ownership — not just the safety of the gun, but the mental health of the gun owner is very important. When I used to drink, I often would get suicidal, and I put the gun to my head a bunch of times. After I got sober, I realized that just because I'm sober doesn't mean I'm never going to get suicidal, and it might be wise for a person with my history to not have any guns. And I love talking about these things, because I know some of the things I used to struggle with are things some of you as viewers are currently struggling with, and I love sharing my experience on what I've done to make some changes in my life.
Two or three years ago, there were some families at the little expensive private school I sent my daughter to — I'll never do that shit again. Some parents got crazy based on what they read on my blog, and the police ended up coming to my house. And it was really nice that I didn't have any guns.
Baseball Bats, Ryder, and a Traffic Jam
Man, I need a real weapon. I'll pick this guy's gun up after I take him out. I'm having some issues fighting. Hit his ass. There we go. All right, good, he's down. Give me this one with a baseball bat. There you go. Finish his ass. Let me put this down. Oh, damn. He got me. Hit his ass. Jesus. Can I pick up a frying pan? He's beating his ass. He's whooping my ass. He beat the fuck out of me. Come on, man. Holy shit. I need a real bat. All right, look, watch this one. There's Ryder. What the fuck? Ryder got his ass ran over by a car. Son of a bitch. Now I got to go do this shit again, because you can't fucking walk. Could you get in the car, please? Thank you. Hey, can you not get hit by a car this time? Dude, I caused a real traffic jam right there. "Man, don't sweat it, homie. Everybody in the hood know Ballas are pussies." Well, let's just hope you can cross the fucking street this time. I like how I'm wandering around. Oh, shit, that's a train — that car just ran into a train. Man, this is a lot better with a bat. I'll give you what you come for. Oh, shit. Can I block right here? Damn, he just knocked his homie down, too.
The Cluck'n Bell Drive-Thru with Big Smoke
Oh, that's the drive-thru. Fat boy. Man, Big Smoke's order at the drive-thru is fucking classic. Hell yeah. Ha ha. Oh, my God — that's just going to be like $100. "I didn't know she was hit until it was all over." Yeah, right, right. Let's eat. Man, look at that bag of food. Good Lord. "Unlike you, I ain't never ate from a trash can." Oh shit — trash can, bitch. Pass her my food. Hey, look — Kilo Trey scoping us out. Damn, Ryder, you a jinx. Shit, come on. Let's head into the hood. "Why you ain't blasting, Smoke?" "I'll shoot him when I'm done eating." Shut your motherfucking mouth. Let's go. I ain't stopping. Kill the asshole. Shit, this is a great set. "Smoke, stop stuffing your face and start popping them Ballas." Those fools are trying to enjoy our death. Come on, Smoke, shoot. "Hey, I just finished my fries." That shit is hilarious. Oh, shit, I got ketchup all over the seat. The business at hand, motherfucker — the business at hand. Oh, there he is. Oh, their car's blowing up now. Kill, motherfucker. This ain't a Disney drive situation. Is that a cop right there? That's a cop that's just driving by. Where's this guy at? Yeah, they're all dead now. Let me get those guns — let me pick these guns up right here. Oh, shit, that car behind me is on fire. If the car is on fire, it'll blow you up. Oh, hell yeah. Look at this right here. Look at that carnage. Damn, I do need to get out of here. All the weapons are gone. Dude, they're shooting at an LAPD driving by. Oh, the car's trashed. I found a mission because of that? Shit.
Free the Nipple
I'm all about freeing the nips. I think we all should be able to get our nipples out. I think it's silly how we have women's breasts covered up. But, man, it's cool — I can get my shirt off and nobody gets excited about that. The nipple's a nipple. Everybody has a nipple. Almost everybody has a nipple — I've never seen anybody that doesn't have a nipple. Stab out of here, CJ! That's a fundamental right.
I was listening to Dave Chappelle's special, and he said he looked up the definition for feminist, and it said someone who believes in equal rights for women. He's like, by that definition, I'm a feminist. I'm like, well, I certainly am, too. I think it's hard to be equal if you got unequal rights, like on how you dress. That's like a fundamental inequality right there. I think we have the oversexualization of women because — to me, the one thing we could do to put a big stop on that would be to let everybody get naked, or at least free up the nipples. I have a friend — she used to live at a place where everybody was naked all the time. And she said a nose got to be just like a cock, and a cock got to be just like a nose. Like, you get used to seeing someone naked, and it's not a big deal. There's a dick out or — what word do I use? It's just not a big deal. If somebody's got their genitals out, it doesn't matter to you.
The 80-Year-Old's Advice: Eat Your Vegetables
Let's get this — we'll get a salad again. I'm all about healthy eating. I met a guy in Alcoholics Anonymous a week or two ago. He's in his 80s and he still looks fantastic. And I said, what do you do? Like, you look great — tell me what you do. Obviously, he's sober; he's been sober quite a while. The first thing he said was, I eat my vegetables. The second thing he said is, I don't eat fast food. I'm like, of course.
Vegetables Every Day, and Why I Skip Supplements
Of course — because this is obvious shit. Like, fast food is bad for you, and vegetables are good for you. So of course you eat your vegetables and you don't eat fast food, and you still look great at 80 years old. I'm not saying never to eat fast food, but I make sure the vast majority of what I eat is really good for me, and I make sure I get my vegetables every single day. In my experience, vegetables are one of the best things you can eat for yourself. Vegetables help you feel good, look good, detox, and keep you hydrated. They've got all kinds of nutrients. The way I see it, you don't need to take supplements — maybe a B12 supplement — but you don't need to take a whole bunch of supplements and shit if you're eating your fruits and vegetables, nuts, whole grains, and beans, like I do.
80 Pounds Down and the Calorie Density Secret
And that's another reason I like having my shirt off — so I can show off my physique. I've never been as proud of my physique as I am now, because I used to weigh 80 more pounds. "I thought, hold up, I thought he said this was the gym." "Motherfucker, this is Cluck'n Bell." It was a long-ass journey from feeling out of control with my weight my whole life, since I was a kid. And now, for the first time, I'm in control of my weight. "He said, how can I further degrade myself, sir?" Now, the first time, if I wanna lose a few pounds, all I gotta do is eat a little more of the opposite of calorie dense. It's very hard to maintain a healthy weight if you eat very many calorie-dense foods. For example, if you wanted to eat 2,000 calories in carrots, it'd take you six hours to eat 2,000 calories in carrots. Six hours! Because you can eat 2,000 calories of ice cream in a few minutes, and that's because the calories are densely packed together.
I love doing my livestream, because this is real shit. Little things like this, little information I'm sharing like this, will make a huge difference in your life. And I use video games — I come slide in. I'm tricking on them viewers. I'm like, yeah, I'm playing video games, and I'm gonna slip in some shit that's gonna help you in your life too.
Big Zucchinis from the AA Meeting
"You wanna learn some new moves? Yeah. Watch your opponent's eyes." "Man, you're an embarrassment. Get yourself some muscles." Alright, let me get some muscles. Dude, I brought these huge zucchinis home last night. I got them for free at the AA meeting. I'm like, I don't need to be showing my wife these. She'll be like, whoa, where'd you get those big zucchinis at? I don't need to be giving her any ideas.
Alright, what? Fuck this. Walk up to it point blank — I don't have to stand back there. There we go. Sometimes in life you just have to walk up and make it simple. Someone in the chat says a bigger carrot would be better. If you mean dick, no, that's no good. My wife does not want a bigger dick — at least that's what she told me.
That's where we'll leave CJ for today — back on Grove Street with a bag of Cluck'n Bell, a baseball bat, and 15 years of memories coming back all at once. If you enjoyed riding along through San Andreas with me, you can watch every retro session and gameplay adventure I've recorded on my Games playlist.