October 2024 Vlogs: My Diary Entries and Why I Started Them

In October 2024 I started keeping a diary and putting it out publicly, and these are the vlogs and diary entries from the last week of that month. My view of them now is simple: they were the point where I stopped trying to be only a crypto YouTuber and started telling my whole life in small, personal, sometimes funny pieces.

If you searched for these wanting to know what I was doing, the honest answer is that I was working out a format. On October 24, 2024, I wrote that I wanted to document my life in diary form, with daily journal entries and vlogs, and go back to backdate the things I could remember from the rest of my life. I had been publishing music, trying comedy and making crypto videos, and I felt I had something bigger to give than crypto alone. That is the starting point in The Day I Decided to Turn My Life Into a Comedy Diary.

The format came from David Sedaris's book Theft by Finding, whose quick diary entries I loved, and from a frustration I wrote down: I had thousands of videos but nothing my friend Melissa could put on Spotify. My answer was to make things short. I wrote that my past videos had been too long and too rambling, so I would make a couple of short ones a day instead of 20 to 60 minute videos, and stick to telling stories from my life. I compared it to basketball: take as many shots as you can and see what happens.

The same week I also faced the question of whether I should keep making crypto videos at all. In The Day I Said Goodbye to YouTube and Leaned Into the Unknown, I wrote that I could not keep making them, that my audience felt small, and that I did not know who I was without that job. I also admitted that I had quit before, and that people had good reason to doubt I was really leaving. The goodbye live stream I posted on August 14, 2024 was not the end of that question. It was an honest attempt to put it down, and I still had to live with what came next.

What shifted how I looked at all of this was the perspective I got from other people's lives. In Dear Diary, October 26, 2024: Learning to Enjoy Being Sad, I wrote about listening to A Mother's Reckoning, a book written by a parent from Columbine, and about how hearing what people have been through leaves my own life feeling easy and manageable. That entry is also where I settled on the name Dear Diary. It is also where I wrote that I could be sad without needing a story behind it, that I did not need stabilizers, and that I enjoyed the ride.

Not every post is about a big decision. In The Day Fixing a Fence Gave Me Everything I Needed, I wrote about spending October 23, 2024 repairing two panels of a fence for my wife's sister, which I did for free and paid for the materials myself. I took a call from a project that had paid $99 on my website to talk with me while I worked. I did not film any crypto videos that day, and I missed my AA meeting. For me the work was the most joyful thing I could have done, because when my own needs are met I want to serve others.

Read in order, from the first post to the last, the arc runs like this: a decision about format, then a goodbye to the old job, then an attempt to accept my moods and my life as they are, and finally a day of service that showed me what I actually want. What I took from these posts is that the diary was not a break from my crypto work or my music. It was a place to put all of it in shorter pieces, so that people could listen to the stories one at a time.

For more from the same period, see my December 2024 vlogs. If you want the broader story of my days, A Day in My Life gathers more of them, and my writing on the AA side of this period is on the Alcoholics Anonymous page. If you are holding a coin and want my honest read on it, you can get a personal video review from me at https://jerrybanfield.com/review/.

The Day Fixing a Fence Gave Me Everything I Needed

From my video published October 30, 2024.

On October 23, 2024, I dedicated my entire day to finishing my wife's sister's fence repair. There were two entire panels of this wood fence that I was going to put up. I started the day out by going to Lowe's to grab the single 4x4 that I was short yesterday when I did the majority of the repairs.

A whole day on the fence, and a call in the middle of it

I also had a call for Internet Computer Protocol. A project was going to talk to me about their biggest updates, and they paid $99 on my website at jerrybanfield.com to talk to me. How cool is that, that I was able to fix this fence while I was on a WhatsApp audio call? I absolutely love how flexible my work is on a day like this.

I also love that my body is so strong that I'm able to be out in the sun doing this fencing repair in Florida all day, and in my experience I'm not going to sunburn at all.

Listening to "Broken" while I worked

For my entertainment today, I started listening to a book named Broken, which was about a girl's very tragic and difficult childhood. From my point of view, she chose to incarnate with a mother that she could tell was a liar, a cheat, a thief, and would be quite a rough ride. And then this stepfather gets brought into the picture who's abusing her. It's shocking how the authorities seem to take the stepfather's side, and they set her up for such a rough life that even translated into a difficult adulthood, as you can imagine as well.

I put all day into this book. I've listened to several books like this because it helps me have perspective on my own life. I see a lot of people who struggle, thinking their life is so tragic and their childhood was so bad. And I listen to a book like this, and yeah, I had a little bit of my own traumas in childhood, but it's nothing compared to this book. My childhood looks so easy and simple. That's why I like listening to these things — and to have empathy for other people, too, especially if people have had it worse than me, so to speak. I want to try and cut them some slack.

From frustration to a free fence repair

I really am feeling fantastic putting this fence back together today for my wife's sister. And I'm amazed how last week I was feeling frustration towards her, and it turned around into me offering to do a fence repair that somebody else would have probably charged at least a thousand dollars to fix. I've done it for free, and even bought the materials, because I want to.

It even is funny to me, like everybody's very thankful — my wife and her sister and her parents, who we all live within two blocks of each other. Everybody comes over, and I love all the attention I'm getting. At this point, this is something that some people would look at as a total chore: "this sucks, and I'm going to spend all this time doing this." But this has been fun to me. What I've wanted out of this is lots of attention, and I don't even need anything else.

Why a chore felt like the most joyful thing I could do

It's amazing how doing the right kind of service work, or helping in a way that's joyful, for one person might feel like a job that they just have to get through to get to the end of the day and get their money. Whereas for me, it's like, I did this. This was the most joyous thing I could do today. I got so into repairing this fence, and so determined to finish it by the end of the day and wrap this project up, that I didn't even get to film any of my crypto videos, and I missed my AA meeting as well.

I did take a break to go to my massage, though, which was wonderful. I love talking to my two massage therapists that I see. I love the relaxation that comes from the massage, and I love the attention — just having a person massage my body and pay attention to it for an hour and a half really satisfies me. You could argue it's an asset or a defect, however you want, but I love getting attention. Other people I see, like my wife, do not love getting attention as much, which is why our relationship works. I'm so glad that 10 years ago I found massages. It's just really helpful to leave me feeling like I've got what I need.

Because when I've got all my own needs met, I'm totally focused on getting out there and serving others. I think that is a world I want to live in — where we have our needs met, we can go out there and lift a hand to each other, and we're a lot more understanding and loving for other people when we've got our own needs met. If you like spending a day like this with me, you can watch more of these in my Life playlist, and it ties right into why I believe helping others is the secret to a good day.

Dear Diary, October 26, 2024: Learning to Enjoy Being Sad

From my video published October 26, 2024.

On October 26, 2024, I'm doing my diary later than usual today because I'm at home right now on my own with my son and my wife is out. Normally, I'd be in bed at 10 p.m., but my wife is out babysitting for the family tonight, which is very nice for her. I'm glad we can help out that way. I had a bedtime with just me and my son tonight, which was lovely. We had a great conversation, and he got to bed a little bit later.

A day of small, ordinary tasks

I walked to my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting today and stopped at Whole Foods on the way home. I spent most of the day putting together this trash can container, which was made in China along with half the rest of my house. I spent a lot of time thinking about the people in China that make all this stuff, working at factories, drilling these holes. I was impressed with how accurate this whole piece of furniture was.

It took so much time screwing. Oh, you like time screwing, Jerry? There was so much screwing. I wish I'd used my drill, but I just did it by hand. Oh, you usually do it by hand, right? No, not anymore. I took all this time screwing the screws. I thank God for the Allen wrenches on this thing today.

The book that put my life in perspective

I also started listening to this book called A Mother's Reckoning. This is written by one of the parents from Columbine. Getting into the beginning of that book was intense, as she gets a phone call that her son is involved, and that it was actually her son who was one of the two boys that was responsible.

I love listening to books that really expand my mind and let me hear what other people have been through, because it gives me such great perspective on my life, leaving me feeling very grateful for being home today, having a nice day with my family to just change the sheets and put furniture together. It really leaves me feeling extremely grateful and expands my mind and helps me have compassion for other people as well. It's really nice to get an idea of what your life is like compared to other people's. I like listening to people who've had really difficult life experiences because it leaves me feeling like my life is very easy, very manageable, and that I'm very willing to just ask for help.

Telling my AA meeting "I am God"

At the AA meeting today, they're talking about God. I said, I am God. When you strip away this body and this mind, this is a reality I've created and you've created. We've all created it. To me, this was Jesus's message: you all are gods. You're all creating this reality. That belief leaves me feeling very powerful and also very joyful most of the time, except sometimes it's like, I'm God, everything's boring and pointless, I hate it. There is that aspect of it as well. It's the same ground I keep coming back to when I talk about owning my reality.

Learning to enjoy my moods, even the sad ones

I felt a little down yesterday and woke up feeling much better today. I had a surprise night with the wife last night, which was not our usual every other day, but two in a row, which I thought was really nice. She wanted to help cheer me up going to bed, and that definitely worked. I've been in a much better mood today.

I love how I just accept where I'm at in my life. I love that I can have down moods like yesterday. I can handle that. I love being a grownup that can handle different moods. I can be sad and depressed and there's nothing wrong with that. I can be sad and depressed and there's no story behind it. It's just a mood. The mood's coming. The mood's going. I don't need any stabilizers. In fact, I enjoy the ride. I'm like, ooh, this depression is so tasty. Sadness is so human. I love it.

Why I'm calling these "Dear Diary"

I'm so fired up about doing these diaries. I'm going to call these Dear Diary from now on, because I feel like that communicates the vibe we're going for here best. I've had my song stuck in my head today, Feeling Weakest. I'm on my way to AA. I go every single day. I love when it hits and it's like, but really, I'm a fool, acting like she don't know me. That's one of my favorite songs today. I love having my own songs stuck in my head. It's so cool. I'm going to put up a music video as well. I am so grateful for the chance to share these and to document this process of living my life one day at a time. If you enjoy these, you can follow along with more of them in my Life playlist.

The Day I Said Goodbye to YouTube and Leaned Into the Unknown

From my video published October 25, 2024.

On August 14, 2024, I posted my goodbye live stream for two hours on my Jerry Banfield crypto channel to let everybody know that I'm not doing YouTube anymore. I'm going offline. I'm tired of all this online crap. I'm tired of feeling like I'm disconnected. I feel like the crypto videos I do are never enough. They don't matter. I'm wasting my time. There's got to be something better I can do with my life.

Facing my community

I made this decision a few days ago, and today is the day for me to go face my community. Based on all the times I've quit in the past, who knows if I'm really quitting, or if this is just another clickbait, sensational strategy where I'll come back and say I'm back. There's a significant amount of people who don't believe I'm really quitting or really leaving, and I've realized there's a possibility that they might be right. However, this is what I'm doing today, and I'm really excited for the future.

I'm planning on doing an in-person show. I'm not sure yet whether it will be comedy or music or live classes. I've got a venue lined up that would be happy to have me, and I'm grateful for this chance to say goodbye to my community and all the super chats, and to remember the good times we've had together.

The relief after going live

I feel a big buildup of energy before I go live to do the live stream, and afterwards I feel relieved, like I've got something over with that I needed to do, and now I'm free to move on with my life. Now I'm free to not think of myself as a YouTuber anymore. I've put out exactly what I'm doing into the universe. I don't know exactly how I'll make money, but I'm sure something will come along. I trust in the process here, and it's really nice to just experience a new version of me and lean into the unknown. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I do. And I'm going to explore that.

The world is my oyster

I'm thinking that there are so many ideas I have. Maybe I'll be an author and write books, or be a musician, but just in person, and make music. Or maybe I'll be a hypnotherapist, or even a garbage man. I don't know. The world is my oyster and full of possibilities.

All I know today is that I absolutely can't go on creating these crypto videos anymore, and I don't see any point in creating other kinds of videos on YouTube when my audience is so small. I get so little money doing anything outside of crypto, and crypto is so boring, so pointless. It's just the same old crap, the same old coins every day. Why even bother at this point? There's got to be something else I can contribute to the world that will be more valuable than these crypto videos. If you want to follow where this leads next, you can watch more of these daily reflections in my Life playlist, and if you've ever wondered what pulls me back, I wrote about how viewers help me not quit YouTube again.

The Day I Decided to Turn My Life Into a Comedy Diary

From my video published October 24, 2024.

On October 24, 2024, I'm embarking on a major new adventure to document my life in diary form. That includes daily journal entries and vlogs, and then backdating and going back and doing these as many things as I can remember from the rest of my life. I woke up at four in the morning today.

Finding a format I can actually keep up with

I've been publishing music and trying comedy and wondering what to do with my creativity in addition to my crypto videos. You all love my crypto videos so much. And yet I know I've got something I want to give that's a bigger context than just crypto videos on a day to day basis. And I think I finally figured out a perfect formula.

These need to be kept short. Just little diary entries. I read a book called Theft by Finding by David Sedaris, and I loved his diary entries. They were little quick diary entries in his book over the period of like 20 years. And I've wanted to put together all the stuff I'm learning and my life experiences in a format that you could easily consume across multiple platforms.

The conversation with Melissa

I was talking to my friend Melissa last night after a meeting, and she was talking about how she listens to a podcast on Spotify. And I was thinking, how is it possible that I've created five plus thousand YouTube videos? I used to have a podcast with like a thousand episodes on it. Why do I have nothing set up for Melissa to listen to on Spotify? And why am I struggling to put out content for my followers on my original YouTube channel and on X?

I have all of you that are willing to listen to me and are interested in my life. Literally, all I need to do is figure out a format that I can use to do that and put it out on an ongoing basis. And I think I've got it.

Labeling my life as comedy

I'm going to label this as comedy on Spotify. Oh, that can be funny, isn't it, Jerry? Well, I'm going to try and take my life as comedy and laugh as much as possible at my life. I've noticed when I think about diary entries and talking about my past, it gets so serious and it was so heavy. And this is my life and I really want to lighten it up.

So I've been listening to some stand up comedy on Spotify, which has been amazing. Like Louis C.K. — I'm listening to a few of his. And I've been wondering, what kind of music can I put out on Spotify that's basically spoken word? In addition to my instrumentals — I love my instrumental music. And I want to put out something that gets all my life lessons and stuff that I could just give to Melissa and be like, here's a playlist, listen to this.

The vision: a Jerry Banfield Show

And I got this vision in my head at like five in the morning that if I had a playlist on Spotify called like the Jerry Banfield Show or Jerry Banfield Diary, or something like that. And then it was like little three minute songs. And I'd put out like an album every month with like 30 plus diary entries in it. And then just have this one master playlist, or maybe break them up into parts and do the same thing on YouTube. And then you could just listen through to all the different little stories, and it would be more interesting.

Taking as many shots as I can

I've noticed a lot of my videos in the past were too long and too rambling. And it'd be better for me to make a couple of short videos every day instead of making these really long 20, 30 minute, hour long videos, and to stick to just telling stories from my life. So I am intending to do that. And I'm getting started on that here today.

And my mind's like, this sucky intro won't get anyone to listen to this crap. Well, maybe we shall see about that. But I'm thinking like basketball. I'm going to just take as many shots as I can, try and make it as long as I can, put them into a format you'll enjoy, and see what happens. That whole idea is what eventually grew into my daily vlogs from St. Pete, and you can watch the newest ones in my Life playlist.

So thank you for embarking on this journey of my life. This is what I'm doing and obsessing about on October 24th, 2024.