Playing Doom 64 for the Very First Time
You're about to see me play Doom 64 for the very first time. Even though I love Duke Nukem 64, I had not played Doom 64 before, and what's really cool is that this is on Xbox Series X. How nice is that? If you've got Xbox Game Pass, you can just grab this on Xbox Series X.
Right away I was fumbling around the first level going, where's the jump button? All right, like, where's the jump button? Do I need to go up there and hit that thing again? Use a fine motherfucker, won't you back that thing up? Yeah, who's playing with "Back That Thing Up"? Let's go back up there and hit this thing again and see what it does. Maybe it does something down there. Maybe it does something. Thirty-six health left. That's the kind of start I was off to.
The Tube Top Question
Cranberoni asked what the chances are that the tube top will come back. I don't know. I don't know if the tube top will come back. The tube top felt a little inauthentic to me — like I was just doing that to get views. I don't generally wear a tube top. You know the situation: I'm not out wearing the tube top somewhere else. All I was trying to do was stand out with the tube top, which was really effective, but that's the honest answer on it.
Married, Sober, and Streaming Full Time
Well, I am married since 2012, sober since 2014, and a parent since 2015 — I've got two kids. I'm a full-time streamer, and yes, I literally right now am living off my wife's job. We're doing that. I'm living off my wife's job and I'm very grateful. I'm real grateful. My dad lived off my mom's job the whole time — like all of it, the whole rest of his life. He banged my mom, knocked her up in '83, and he lived off her for the rest of his life.
Oh, see now, this is where we need a shotgun for these big old boys, isn't it? Yeah, all right, so this is why we saved a shotgun for these big dudes. You've got to be entertaining on your stream, though. I generally don't curse because it makes me be more creative. It's easy for me to say those words — I know how to do that — but not cursing makes me think a little bit more. When I want to curse, I ask, how can I get that energy out without cursing? You know, I can mouth it. Oh, one-hitter-quitter in the face!
Beating the First Level
All right, we beat the first level of Doom 64. I enjoyed that. I had fun. Whoo, I enjoyed that — 86% of the kills, 58% of the items, no secrets.
Sometimes when I watch streamers who are obviously kind of learning — and I try to be as nice as possible about the learning — it really motivates me. I'm like, I want to show up on my stream and be as entertaining as possible. I don't care if nobody's even watching. Do these hurt? No, these don't hurt, but this part is a little tricky. I just want to be as entertaining as possible and basically go on faith: all right, maybe somebody's watching us, maybe not, I don't know, but I'll just have fun anyway. I just stand here up in my studio playing this game and talk to myself. I mean, probably somebody's watching, but if they're not, I'm just sitting here playing with myself, and it's fine — I've got a lot of experience playing with myself.
Oh, what the fuck, why did it — all right, shit. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice — all right, I'm stuck. I popped my Jerry head right in there and asked to get squished again. That is so rude. Now I've got to start this level over. These Nintendo 64 games don't play with you. I'm dead for that. I didn't really need to use a shotgun in that scenario, but I don't want to ever get smashed again — that was so rude. All right, how do we not get smashed right here? No, stop smashing me. How do I not get squished by these things? They're just rude. They're rude. Okay, we go back in, we stick it back in — one-hitter-quitter with you, totally unnecessary, but why not? Whoa. I like how you can watch the fireball coming at you and think about it for a minute, like, hmm, I don't think I want to die by that.
Eight Years Sober and Talking Life
What shall we talk about right now? I love being eight years sober, man. I love going to AA and helping people. It's really made a huge difference in my life. Focus — we need to focus in our lives and work together, politically unified. Republicans need to make love to Democrats just like I do at home. I'm slightly over the middle as a Republican, and my wife might be a little farther than that over the middle as a liberal, as a Democrat. Come on now.
Oh my God, auto run! Oh my God, how am I going — how did auto run turn on? All right, auto run is crazy fast. If you click the left stick, auto run goes on and you fly. Can't beat that — yo, Superman, like Superman, man.
I've got to let y'all know: doing yoga, man, I feel good doing yoga. Doing yoga helps me, and always breathing through my nose, taking deep conscious breaths, helps my breathing work better. And when you're breathing better, man, it's easy to feel better. Oh my goodness, it's the little changes you make in life. Often you don't really have to change everything — sometimes just little changes you make can make a huge difference. I'm really liking doing yoga like three or four days a week.
What Kind of World Do We Want?
I think it's really important we think about what kind of world we want to have. I want to have a world that's fair. I want to have a world where we don't have all these secrets — where we've got clarity instead of confusion. Oh, that's a lot of health over there, isn't it? Yeah. I want to have a world where we don't have what we've got right now: about one out of nine people are starving right now, which is crazy, because there's so much food on this planet. Why does anybody need to starve on this planet? That's crazy. Did we just make it through there? Oh, you know what's even better? I get to go back through that stuff again. That's real nice.
Like, why do we have one out of nine people starving? Can't we work together better than that? I want a world where we can work together better than that. I don't think anybody should be starving on this planet when you've got like a third of people overweight on this planet. You're telling me we've got all these people who are overweight — and I was overweight a lot of my adult life — come on now. I think we should be able to have a planet where everyone gets a meal. Of course you're going to have wars and violence — oh no, I was just kidding about that, I didn't want to get in there — of course we're going to have wars and violence when you've got so many people that can't even eat. Let's get everybody fed. Let's work together and help each other out as effectively as possible. Let's not let anybody else starve on this planet.
The Time the Police Came to My House
One time the police came to my house because I put my Alcoholics Anonymous fourth step — an honest story of my life — on the home page of my website. Some parents, who I imagine were struggling in their own life and looking for an opportunity to be afraid of something, and who were a little crazy themselves, made up the most ridiculous story. They said that based on what I wrote on my website, they thought I would be a threat to the school that my own daughter was going to. Now, nobody else at the school or the police — I mean, they called the police, they called the school — nobody else agreed with their assessment of the situation. And it was easy to look at these parents and just think, you know, y'all are crazy, y'all are sick. The people who read this story completely were like, wow, this is amazing, this dude has changed, this is inspiring. I guess these parents just stopped at the part where I was a lunatic — they just quit reading at that part. But I learned a valuable lesson: okay, I don't need to just let it all hang out on the website. Let me go ahead and use a little bit of discretion.
Oh man, we actually got a secret area — let's go! Oh nice, we just got an achievement for that. Let's go, 50 Xbox points. Nice.
Understanding Doesn't Mean Agreeing
And understanding doesn't mean agreeing with it. Maybe they didn't understand that. That's some confusing thing in our culture — you think, well, if you understand something, you must be okay with it. People say, "Oh, I never understand how people could do something like that." Well, if you did understand how somebody could do something like that, you might be more useful. And maybe you don't want to understand how somebody could do whatever awful thing you can imagine — maybe you don't want to understand. But if you could understand, you'd be more compassionate. Understanding doesn't mean that you agree with it or think that's what people should do, but understanding gives you the ability to be compassionate and say, you know what, I understand how people could do some crazy stuff like that, and let's see what we can do to help make sure that doesn't happen. You can be much more effective helping people if you understand people better. The less you understand people, the more difficult it can be to help.
I look back now, and you know, the parents just wanted me to take my daughter out of the school. We had actually bought tuition insurance — we could have saved like $15,000 right at a time when my income had just dropped drastically. We could have saved $18,000 or $15,000. We could have taken this as an opportunity and said, okay, maybe the school's not for us if this is how people are here. But instead I took it up as a fight. I'm like, you know what — because the headmaster and the head of security at the school were both in favor of us staying. They said, look, we understand the context your story was shared in, we appreciate you being here, and we're not going to tell you that you have to leave; we will support you if you want your daughter to go here. So what I did is I ended up subjecting myself and my wife and my daughter to these parents all year.
An Expensive Lesson in Going Somewhere Else
I ended up spending $15,000 more than I needed to for my daughter to go to VPK, and that was an expensive, long, hard lesson. Sometimes the lesson is: look, just go somewhere else. Literally go somewhere else. If you're getting treated bad somewhere, the obvious, simple solution is to go somewhere else — and that took me a lot of money to work on that lesson, didn't it?
And I practiced with those parents, man. I would see them and I would have these negative feelings, like, you crazy, sick person. And man, they would start some more drama up right after that, complain more. I went through this whole lesson of forgiveness: look, understand that for these parents to behave that way, they're sick too. And you know what? As a person who's been sick, who's been insane, who's been pretty wild and crazy myself, I should be able to understand and love and have compassion for somebody else who's there. And you know what — maybe you should just not be around them anymore. Maybe that would be the thing to do. By the end of the school year, I had made peace with the parents. I have forgiven them. I even found gratitude. I'm like, you know, I'm glad I had the chance for this lesson.
The school we put my daughter in cost seventeen and a half thousand, because my ego at the time said, hey, you're a big man, you make six figures. I wasn't a streamer then, but I was big into the crypto world. You big money man — I'd made six figures profit at that point three years in a row. You big money man, your daughter should be in a private school; that's where you belong, that's where she belongs. Never mind what everybody else wanted — my wife was not a huge fan of it, but she went along. So the school my daughter was in cost like $18 grand a year, and my son is in a school that costs $3,500 for a year now, and he's very happy there. I'm like, man, that's a nice way to save like 15 grand right there. That's real nice.
Take Time for Your Real Life
I'm happy so many of you come by consistently, but please take time for your real life. I was watching somebody stream earlier today, and my wife walked in the room. I took the Bluetooth right off and paid full attention to her — even though I had just asked the streamer a question and he was just about to start answering it, probably with a long twenty-minute answer, which I was hoping for. As soon as my wife walked in the room, I'm like, you know what, you've got to put the people in front of you first. So it's about time for me to do that too.
If you enjoyed this first run through Doom 64, there are plenty more adventures like it waiting on my Games playlist. Thank you for spending this time with me — I love you each.