My friends, tonight we're playing Untitled Goose Game on Nintendo Switch for the very first time. Shake it down on the ranch — we do it right down on the ranch. We party all night down on the ranch. We keep it respectful. Church of Jerry Banfield: Jerry Banfield is God. You're all God. I am God, and so are all of you. I can actually shake my waist with this camera angle. Oh yeah, get him going — I got you, I got you right there. Shake it, baby. I got it. I got the rake in the lake, baby. It's in there.
What I Saw as a Police Officer Writing Reports
But from what I've seen, both from other people's stories and from my own personal experience working as a police officer, the government and government agencies do blatantly lie to you. I remember writing police reports and turning them in to my sergeant. I wrote the facts of the case and what I saw, and my sergeant said, "You need to rewrite this. We can't publish that." I'm like, the truth might be inconvenient — that's not my problem. The sergeant said, "You need to rewrite this, or otherwise people are going to get mad, and this is not going to make so-and-so look good." I'm like, no, I'm not writing a false police report. So my sergeant did it for me: he rewrote the report, and I put it through. And that happened multiple times. I refused to write reports that were not accurate, and sometimes I just had to rewrite reports for clarity and leave certain things out — omit certain things that should have been reported. And consider where I worked: I was at a university police department and at a mental health police department. That should not have been happening there. If it's going on at that level, it's going on at higher levels even more.
The Night a Craft Flew Over My House
And I had a craft fly over my house one night, just for a moment. There was a light that appeared in the sky over my house and zipped across the sky. I had been reaching out and requesting that for months before it happened, and I was constantly prepared. Then one night I was walking my dog, talking to my mom, and I looked up and there was a light in the sky. At first I thought, oh, maybe that's a helicopter or something, because it was right overhead — and then it instantly ripped across the whole horizon. I'm like, ah, there it is. There it is. That's what I'm talking about.
Why I Do This Show
If you can get a laugh — I always hope when you watch this that you can laugh, you can cry, you can learn something new, you can be inspired. To me, there's no point in watching my show unless you're getting something out of it. I'm no longer just trying to get as many views as possible. I only want you here if this is doing something good for you. If this is not doing something good for you, if this isn't making a difference in your life, then please go do something that is with yourself.
The Recipe to Feel Good
To me, the key, if you want to feel fantastic, is to always be thinking of and helping somebody else. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous today, as I do almost every day. We talked about people feeling lonely, and to me the recipe to feel bad is to think about what I want, what I deserve, what I didn't get, who screwed me over, why things are like this, why I don't have enough, and what bad thing is going to happen. That's a recipe for feeling bad. A recipe for feeling good is thinking about: how can I help somebody else today? How can I show up on my livestream? What can I talk about that somebody else will find really helpful? What can I learn about that will make a difference in somebody else's life? The recipe to feel good is constantly getting out there and helping other people.
I gave an example in a meeting today that some people found helpful. There was a woman there talking about how she was single, and she was sad and depressed, feeling self-pity and struggling. To some degree, it's worse than that: when you're sitting at home feeling like that, you are depriving somebody else of the chance to enjoy life with you.
What I Told a Man in Recovery About His Sex Addiction
I was talking to this guy who says he has a sex addiction. He's been sober for a while, he's an attractive young man, he wants a monogamous relationship with a woman, and he seems to do well in his work. Literally the only issue in his life is that he's constantly thinking about his sex issues, feeling bad about them, and trying not to get into them. Then he gets triggered, goes and watches porn, goes and gets a happy-ending massage somewhere, and then feels bad about all of it. What I told him is: look, your sex drive is here to help you feel good. It's here to help you need someone else and connect with someone else. Stop looking at your sex drive like it's something bad that you need to get control of, with all this shame, and start thinking about who would love to be with you, how you can connect with and find them, and what you need to do to be ready to receive them in your life.
I said, as long as you're at home feeling sorry for yourself, feeling ashamed of yourself, judging yourself, spending all this time at home alone, so focused on what's wrong with you and what you're not doing, you're depriving somebody else of the joy of a great relationship with you. You're depriving somebody else of the chance to have a great relationship with you. Now that seems kind of silly, doesn't it? In my experience, the least selfish thing you could do would be to literally stop paying attention to yourself as completely as possible: take good care of yourself and prepare yourself to be with the woman you want to be with. That means go look for her. That means eat healthy so that you're attractive. That means listen to something inspirational so that you're ready to attract what you want into your life. It means get out of your house, get out of yourself, and go see who you can help. And then, when you find a woman who loves being with you, you'll have the chance to help each other feel good and do good in the world together.
Oh — let me see if I can honk right behind him when he's about to hammer. That would be a thing to do, wouldn't it? Yeah, there we go — he just honked while he's hitting it. Nice. Wow. That's awesome.
Why I Believe I Might Live 10,000 Years
Hey, a good imagination makes life absolutely beautiful and amazing, and I want you to explore your imagination. Even if somehow I'm all wrong — even if, let's say, in the future the President of the USA takes me around and shows me all the secret facilities and maybe I'm all wrong about them — I realize that's a possibility. Even so, my imagination is enhanced, because in my mind, my possible life expectancy in this body is ten-plus thousand years. That's in the realm of possibility for me, because I've heard that there's age regression technology, and I've heard that there's cloning.
While most of you are under a very different impression, I want to know: how long do you think you are going to live? How long do you think you're going to live? What is your life expectancy for yourself? I now have an open-ended life expectancy. I may live 10,000-plus years. My consciousness may be transferred to another body; it may be transferred to another body machine. I mean, there's literally an entire universe of possibilities open. I don't have this linear expectation in my life that I'm going to have this one specific life on Earth — that I'm going to live, have two kids, have some grandkids, live until I'm 80 years old, get sick, and die. A lot of you have that expectation for your life, but I don't. I've come to believe absolutely anything could happen now. I could get to 80 years old and be age-regressed back to 20, and then time-traveled forward and then backward. There are so many possibilities — I could have a clone body. My mind is open to a realm of possibility that it was not open to for most of my life.
So now it's really fun living each day realizing I don't know whether I have one day to live or 10,000 years to live. In either scenario, I win. If I have one day to live, my time with my children and my wife and all of you is absolutely a treasure — it's a treasure that I get to enjoy this today. And if I have 10,000 years to live, same thing. If I have 10,000 years to live, someday my life is going to be so different that it's going to be hard to even relate to this one. In either scenario, I treasure exactly what I've got today. What I've got today is precious. What I've got today is amazing.
Down on the Ranch, Brandon's Goose Tip, and Getting on TV
"Oh, I went to the grocery store, I couldn't find what I was looking for. I was looking for a chicken, but I wanted a live chicken. I went to the grocery store, I couldn't find what I was looking for, but I still wandered up." Those are actual lyrics from Soul Psych's new album, the Down on the Ranch EP, and that one had me scratching my head. I'm like, huh — so random. I love it.
Found near the top of the town: just find the boy and start honking at him. Oh, okay — hey, good tip, thank you very much, Brandon. All right, so just honk him into the booth. Oh nice — good tip, Brandon, that worked real well. Make the boy wear the wrong glasses: now he's stuck in the phone booth. Oh nice. All right, he's going to get the boy out of the phone booth, and now I can go in here and get on TV. "Your face was on the news last night." Huh — how do I get on TV? Oh, right here, probably. Oh yeah, I'm on TV. Let's go!
It's Not What Happens to You — It's How You React
And what I invite you to do, and to learn, and to remember today: it's not the things that happen to you that define your life — it's the way you react to the things that happen to you that defines your life. I couldn't control Facebook demonetizing me. What I could control was my reaction, and I reacted with defensiveness. I reacted with attacks. I reacted with resentment. I reacted with conflict. That cost me a lot, and it taught me a very valuable lesson that I've been working on ever since: it's not the things that happen to you that define your life, it's the way you react to the things that happen to you that defines your life. You know, when I got banned on Udemy, it took four years of being mad at Udemy — four years of resenting them, talking bad about them, and even trying to make a platform better than theirs just to show them, nearly bankrupting myself in the process — before I came to a place of love.
Love — and acceptance, and gratitude. Really, it took five years to come to a place of full love and acceptance and gratitude, which is what they deserve so much. And over these past two weeks, when things actually went bad again, I finally knew how to apply myself — right in front of all of you.
Something Bad Happening Is Your Spiritual Test
All right, well, let's test that out. Let's test out how spiritual you are when something bad happens — when something unexpected and challenging happens. That's your test, and between tests you have the chance to learn. I look at it like this: I'm preparing for my next test now. Whatever test is coming next, I'm studying for it now. And I'm happy to see that, comparing getting banned from Udemy versus getting demonetized on Facebook, the process of getting back to my full power — getting back to myself — has been way faster this time, and I'm really happy about that.
How Do You Get 2 Million Followers as a Content Creator?
So I would say: don't focus on followers. Focus on giving something that's worth watching. Focus on what you're giving. One of my big learning experiences over the years has been focusing on what I want to get all the time — I want to get followers so I can impress people, I want to get money so I can have nice things. But when you're focused on that, you only have so much attention, and if you're focused on what you're trying to get, then what you're doing is only aimed at a result. What you really want to do is focus on what you're giving. Are you giving what you're giving in the spirit of joy? Because there are a lot of things I could give — I very much could cover all kinds of different topics — but the question is: what would I love to give that you would love to receive?
So don't think about your number of followers. Your number of followers is a big distraction. Think about whether you're giving something that somebody really wants to receive. The question you want to ask is: what could I create that somebody would love for me to create, and that I would love to create for them? What would you love for me to create that I would love to create for you? You need to match up what you want to give with what somebody else wants to receive. If you think of it purely in energetic terms, then all the other stuff will take care of itself.
I appreciate you watching, and I'm grateful for this chance to play an unusual game called Untitled Goose Game tonight. We had a great conversation — we talked a lot about aliens and extraterrestrials, lots of interesting and exciting subjects. If you enjoyed honking along with me tonight, there are plenty more adventures like this one waiting on my Games playlist. Have a great night, my friends. Much love to everybody.