I am so glad my girlfriend that I had in college, the one I thought I was going to marry — I'm so glad she cheated on me and dumped me. Because if she hadn't, I wouldn't have got to experience the awesome love life and the much better wife that I ended up having, and the beautiful kids that I have today with that woman, and all the adventures I had in between. The girlfriend in college was number five. The woman I married was number 19. So you can do some math there. I had a lot of fun, and I'd have missed out on all of it. We'd have probably been miserable, and it probably would have ended up in divorce anyway. And I still got divorced anyway.
Now, lots of times my mind has been saying, oh, it sucks that you got divorced. Dating's been difficult. Wah, wah. And it's like — remember your ex-girlfriend from college? At first, yes, I hear you. I know how much it hurts to get cheated on, and to wonder if you can even live without her, and all that stuff. To feel so lonely and so sad, and to question everything, and to beat yourself up, and to criticize her. And to — well, it's easy now — to go look at her Facebook profile. Let's be specific and not put it in general terms. To look at her Facebook profile and look at the guy that she's cheating with and all that stuff. And even when I was at work as a police officer, to run into her and her new boyfriend out drunk. I know what it's like to go through that pain.
And I can tell you, I'm so glad I saw that there might be a better life ahead of me.
My Life Is Not in Shambles
With the divorce — I got divorced last year — so many times my mind has been like, man, this sucks, your life is over. I had a guy yell in my face the other night that my life is in shambles. And I'm like, maybe from your point of view. My life is going awesome. I'm having fun. And I'm going to have another wife someday. And I'm going to have a hell of a lot of fun between now and then.
I may be getting a chance to do it with some women that are younger than my ex was when I met her 15 years ago. Maybe I'll hit some nightclubs and meet some women in their early 20s there and get to have some enjoyable opportunities that I would have figured, when I was married last year and we're both in our 40s, that I never would be able to have again. Never be able to be with a woman in her 20s again. Nope. Look at the opportunities I have now.
And I can hear the haters being like, yeah, you're never getting out. Wrong. I exceed all expectations. I went out with a beautiful 29-year-old doctor earlier this year. I have a beautiful woman that I've been on a first date with and I'm working on a second date. I had a beautiful woman I dated for a week and it crashed. I've learned so much. My videos have cranked up a notch because of the dating. I lost track of my masculinity in the marriage I was in, and my content has cranked up a level. That's why the algorithms are cranking my content out, because some of you love this.
I'm so grateful I got divorced. I'm so grateful I got cheated on. Because it's made way for me to have more and better.
There Are Millions of Women on This Planet
The big thing in dating is you've got to get out of that. And I know what it's like. Wah, wah, this woman that I said was my queen doesn't want to go for a walk with me, and she doesn't think we're emotionally and romantically compatible. So what? There are thousands of other women in the metro area I'm in right now, and I probably encounter at least one of them a day in my daily life, at yoga or somewhere else. We often don't connect, but I'm putting in the effort. There are millions and millions of women like her on this planet, and there are all kinds of circumstances that could conspire to bring me together with them.
I just met a woman at yoga today who lost her voice because she said she was out at the club last night working. And I said, you think that's a good place to meet people? She's like, absolutely. Imagine me bringing home a woman that's like 25 and having a great time. When I met my ex, she was 26. I haven't been with a 25-year-old in a long time, and I'm excited for that possibility.
Abundance is knowing what is possible and then doing the work to prepare to receive it. Because I realize, I just sit at home — I don't sit much, I stand at home and make videos. There's so much abundance in dating that one of these videos might literally bring a woman straight to my door. Now, I know some of you think that's unlikely, but I don't care what you think, because I know these videos reach a lot of people.
I just set up a system today to start cranking these highlights out in vertical all over Instagram. I might put one of my dating videos on Instagram, and some woman in my town might see it. And then she might follow me. She might get in my DMs and she might be like, hey, I love your stuff on YouTube, I see you're single, let's go out. Because that's how it's going down in the DMs. I must have got 100 signals over the last year that I needed to get back on Instagram, because sometimes women just slide straight into those DMs after they've been creeping on your profile for a month or two. And it's easier than exchanging phone numbers. Hey, here's my Instagram, follow me. Now look at all these videos I crank out.
And yes, 99% of women might not get super excited looking at the videos I do. But the 1% — the beautiful thing is understanding that people are different.
All Women Are Not the Same
I was listening to Owen Cook, RSD Tyler, go on and on about the matriarchy we're living in and what you've got to do for attraction. And I'm like, look, I see what he's talking about and there's validity to it. But life is not all one way.
I remember a man that I trust, he's in his late 70s, and he's been with so many women he lost count. Hundreds and hundreds. He said, I stopped counting when I got to 100. And maybe I'll do that one day, or maybe the next woman will be number 21. Maybe I'll settle down and that'll be it. I'm open to the possibilities. He told me, he said, Jerry, all women are basically the same. And he's like, you should stay married. This was a couple of years ago when I wanted to get divorced, and everybody told me all women are the same, just stay married, you've got it good now.
And I'm like, all women are not the same. That is ridiculous. Any more than all men are the same. Put me next to some other dudes and see if I'm the same as these other dudes. I am sober and totally clean and sober — not like St. Pete sober, but actually sober — in a house by myself, amped up making videos right now at 6 p.m. on a Sunday night. Now you tell me how many other dudes you can find that would be in that position, that would be able to do that, that could perform like this by themselves in the house.
All dudes are not the same. All women are not the same. All people are not the same. Generalizations help our simple brains understand reality a little better. The problem is they also screw us up when anything doesn't fit, because our minds tend to look for evidence that we're right.
Dating Is Rigged in My Favor
So it's important to pick out the beliefs I want to have about dating. And my belief is that dating is rigged in my favor, because I am a top-tier man. I'm not your usual — let me touch you, you're gonna feel something unusual. I am not your regular man. And that means dating is stacked harder than ever in my favor.
For most of recent human history, like the last thousand years, men and women often just got married. But now people are getting married less. Women are much more open to being polyamorous, where I could have five women I'm sleeping with and many of them might not have anybody else they're sleeping with. The odds are stacked in my favor harder than ever, and I intend to capture that. I might have two, three, five, ten baby mamas out there that are all going to have my kids in the future.
And I know some of you think this is delusional. What I tell you is insane is that you can judge and decide what kind of world you want, and instead you just let someone else tell you how it is. That's ridiculous. If you want to be a man, especially in dating, you need to be able to decide: this is what I believe, this is what's true, this is my world, and nobody is going to stop me from thinking like that. Who put this reality together? Me. That's who. Who do I trust? Me. I don't need a book to save me. I don't need anyone to tell me how to think. If I'm interested in an opinion, I'll consider it and see if I want to adjust my reality.
My view is that dating in 2026 is the best opportunity I've ever had in my whole life. And as evidence, there were years where I didn't have as many dates with as many women. I've had dates with at least 20 women this year. And while many of them have not led anywhere, and none of them so far have led to me getting laid — I did get laid last year, right? I just texted 11 women from my phone one morning that all knew me as married, let them know I was divorced or separated, and invited one to the house, and she was there all night. And then after that I was like, I need to raise my standards a little bit more. And then now I'm like, maybe I should drop my standards a little more, and then slowly work them up.
You see, I have the view that dating right now has put me in the best position I've ever been in. And yet when my mind tries to say, well, it didn't work out with that one — good, because there are a hundred, a thousand, a million more it could work out with. There's so much fun. There are so many possibilities you can't even comprehend all of them in this little brain. And from that point of view, I get what I expect. From that point of view, I look around and I'm like, let me see what the opportunities are.
The sneaky thing in dating is that we often have such a scarcity mindset that all we do is see scarcity, and we filter out opportunities. Like when I went to yoga one day and this beautiful woman opens me, starts talking to me, gives me a fist bump, is asking me questions — and I'm in such a scarcity mindset that I say something that's rude.
And then I don't ask for her phone number. It's like, seriously, bro. This just fell in your lap. It fell right next to you at yoga. This was easy. She was very interested, very open. And she seemed disappointed when I walked off without asking for her phone number.
Since then, I've been making sure to ask. And I've found I got a phone number. I got dates canceled. And I've got a matchmaking date that's going well. I've got several beautiful women that have had great conversation with me, and they have boyfriends. Good. Because I got to the point where I could find out that they had a boyfriend. And if they hadn't, I'd have been making sure to ask for your phone number. Are you alone? Let me get that phone number. Let's go.
The Only Way to See Scarcity Is to Choose It
Life is so abundant that the only way you can see scarcity is by choosing to see it. And I'm setting the clear intention that I want to see how much abundance I can have. If 10% of the men are really sleeping with 58% of the women, then your boy is definitely either in that 10% or very much close to it. And we're going to be having a level of abundance that I haven't seen.
I had about a year or two, right before I met my ex, where I was banging all over town. All kinds of amazing women. And a few — yeah, some not so amazing, and some that were like, yeah, ew. But I was banging all over the place. And I'm going to be doing that again. Because I've got this nice 1,400 square foot house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in St. Pete, all to myself, to film YouTube videos. I've got four nights a week that I can throw down here. That's easily five girlfriends that I can have at the same time. And to say that it ain't mine — what's my name? I'm Jerry Banfield.
I can have one woman over once a week, each woman. And then one could flake or have something else going on. I could have five girlfriends at the same time. And I want you to be one of the people who's enjoying that scenario.
For some reason, women seem to be okay — more so, not all — women on the whole seem to be more okay with being polyamorous with a guy, whereas men often don't want to all be with the same woman. But I'm down. If there's a woman that's banging five dudes and I can have one night a week, I'll take it. Well, she'll take it.
I Want You to Have This Abundance
So I'm grateful. I want to share this abundance mindset. Especially when you get into all these things you can't imagine. Some woman could see this video, could show it to her friend. I could literally be getting paid, and then the woman could be coming to my house and getting laid after that. After she sees, oh my God, there's a real man in St. Petersburg, Florida, that's actually single and has a spot open on his leaderboard. Let's go, I'm in. Dang, I already know he's hot because I've been watching his videos. I already know he's a man because he can talk to a room by himself like this. And imagine me getting up in front of a room of people that are confrontational and hostile and taking them on and making them laugh.
I want you to have this abundance I have. Or you can just chat with me or join my Skool community. I got you. I'm here for you. I'm making videos for you every day, because I've got energy and enthusiasm for life like this every day.
And I'm going to hype myself up so much that I can't even lose this line of thinking for a second. That's the discipline. If you start thinking that way, that's good. If you want more scarcity stuff, go watch one of your own videos. Everything else I've got on this is in my Dating playlist.