If you are new to my stream, I'm live almost every day. I play retro games. I'm a variety streamer — I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, and that's exactly why you'll love watching my streams. If you want to hang out with me beyond the streams, you can join the Jerry Banfield Family and be part of what we're doing every day. Today it's Mortal Kombat Trilogy, so let's get all the combo buttons going. There we go.
Fatalities, Brutalities, and Getting My Ass Beat
Oh — gotcha, bitch. We can't go under that one. All right, let's see if we can do the pit fatality: four, down, low kick... into the pit fatality — got him! Oh, come on. Damn, Jade's whooping my ass. Come on, girl. She's gonna block if I do that teleport, so I'm gonna try and make her do something. Oh — she did her whole combo. Good job. Fatality. Dang it.
Oh yeah, now we're on the easy difficulty. There we go — that's how we roll, if we got him on the easiest difficulty. I don't know. It's weird to me that cussing, in some people's minds, is all offensive — but then watching somebody get their ass beat on a video game and get killed, like, that's okay? What? That shit doesn't even make sense.
You want life to just be simple and in a box, but that's not how it is. Life is always changing, always moving.
Damn, you just fucked me up. Brutality! Yes, let's go — let's go get that brutality. I'm finishing him down. It's the exact same energy. Get it — ah shit, we almost had it. All right, there we go. All right, Sektor's going down this time. Finish him — fucking finish him! No! All right, we're gonna do an animality for that. Oh — and let me flip him. Oh shit — what? That was dirty. I don't know why I let me do that. But oh, she ripped me a new butthole that time. That's a full combo. I missed a combo, damn. Faster, mister. There we go, full combo. Oh — animality on her ass! Animality!
Four, down, four, low kick — wait, two of them? Second one of what I've ever said. There we go: four, down, four, low kick. Yeah — and I'm out! Fatality, let's go. Oh yes — tore ass up, bitch.
All right, I'm looking at his fatality: up, down, up, run, block. Bitch — that's rude. All right, that shit — that's too much. Up, down, up, and — oh, you've got to hit up and run — up, down — oh, you've got to hit all those at once. Might need to go in with her. Ah shit, bitch — oh, don't do that to me. Yes! Close call, but got her. Wait, what the hell? I hit low kick and it's not working. Damn, she's beating me like I won't behave right now. She's about to get a flawless — now, there we go, no flawless for you. Shit — do the fatality. Yeah, there you go. Oh, I love that one. I love that one. Right in the dick. Oh yeah.
Life Doesn't Fit in a Box
That reminds me of one night when I was a teenager. My mom gets really pissed at my dad and they're having an argument, and my mom's like, "I sucked your fucking dick last night!" My brother and I were like, "Jesus, Mom. Jesus."
It changes form, but it doesn't die. All right, we're gonna rip him up with Smoke. Oh — oh no. Oh hell, easy block. Oh damn, I paid for that one. I figured — we went a little bit on this one, then we get some success, then we get happy and turn it up. Jeez, dude. Good god, he beat the hell out of me. Oh, he's finished me too. Nice. Oh shit, I didn't need to do that. Come on, finish his ass. I missed my uppercut — hot, let's go, we got him. Damn. Oh, there we go. No, not that. Ah — gotcha, bitch. He got himself. He got himself by sending two of those smoke things in a row. That's funny. Oh, damn. Yes. Good. Keep him jumping — that's when he's vulnerable. Oh, I got thirsty right there. Damn. Finish him. Oh shit, I went in. Oh, that's dirty — he's stuck in the damn corner.
All right — animality. Mercy: let him back in. All right, back, forward, down, low punch. Yeah! Get that polar bear out. Oh, that's fantastic. It looked like he just ate — he ate his dick off right there with a polar bear. That's hardcore. That is real hardcore. Can I? You probably can't do a combo on him. Oh, that's good. If you can do that little knockaway combo like that, that's real good. All right, come on, fucker. Fuck — I knew he was going to grab me. Damn. Good job. That's nice.
Here's something else on my mind: I'm around attractive women all the time. They're often very friendly with me, and I can feel how much, on a physical level, there's desire there. But I don't like it on the emotional and spiritual level — like, there's nothing. I love my wife, and I don't want anybody except my wife.
A Copy Rescued from eBay
Damn her. Yes — he is the easiest-ass combo. All right, Reptile. Oh, you're up. Shit — they beat me twice in a row, dude. What? This is on easy, too. That's what's nuts. This is on easy. I'm not bad at this game, believe it or not — this shit is hard, though. Oh boy, that's the end of me right here. It kind of looks like he's smiling, based on the three pixels on my screen. Oh — we got a couple of hits right there. Come on, fucker — yes, one round! All right, last one — come on, round three. He just grabs the shit out of you, and damn it — oh, there goes my little head.
GGs — I'd been looking forward to playing this one. I'm glad the game store I took this to was able to clean the cartridge after I bought it on eBay and it didn't work. If you enjoyed this session, there's plenty more retro chaos like it on my Games playlist. Thanks for a great one today — love you all.