I Just Cried, So It's a Great Time to Write This
I just cried, so I think this is a great time to share a vlog on October 10th, 2026, and to see if I can sell this gold satin shirt on my website. This has been such a magical day. To me, when I feel a level of power, a true level of power, it will bring you to tears because it's just so humbling. It's so amazing to see that. It makes me feel so grateful.
All right, now let me tell you all what happened today, because this has been just an amazing day. Should I give some teasers? I ran into the queen again today, literally, and I did a live stream with Ashley Cummings on her channel, which was awesome. She didn't put that I was in the title or anything, so you can just look for the one she did today. I also talked to the woman in South Africa for an hour.
$200,000 in Debt and Not Stressed
What's so amazing about where I'm at today is that I have 90 grand in credit card debt, and a couple of hundred thousand total. All of that, I borrowed this year. I have a few hundred thousand total with the 90 grand plus the business loan, so I have over $200,000 in debt. My financial position looks like it's either on the edge of a breakout or an absolute collapse. So many people would look at my situation and think how horrible this is. You would imagine a person in my situation would be stressed and scared, and I'm not. Not only that, I just cried with gratitude at how beautiful and amazing the world is. You could argue I'm on the upside of manic or bipolar right now, but let me tell you how this whole day unfolded in chronological order.
The Troll Who Pretended to Live in My Neighborhood
I did a live stream last night, and someone I now think was pretending that they lived in my neighborhood was, I believe, just trolling me. I was banning all the trolls on my live stream last night, so some of them were getting smarter and thinking, I'm gonna come in and say a bunch of nice things to him and pretend like I live in his neighborhood, and then I'm gonna slowly start turning on him where everything's just criticism. I'm like, that's actually masterful. That's really masterful. I respect brilliance and creativity.
Now, maybe it could have been somebody who lives in my neighborhood, but I don't picture most people living in this neighborhood sitting on their phone trying to talk to me about how rich they are and all this stuff. If that was a real person, then I hope I run into him. Not in a weird way. I hope I can meet someone who actually does live in my neighborhood and have that conversation, but more than likely it was a troll.
This troll was trying to tell me that I am not financially successful. I am. They were saying they're financially successful, they've got a degree, they've made money, and they have this house in my neighborhood, which I think they're pretending about. They said that I'm not going to be able to afford to live here soon. And I'm like, you don't know the power. I'll talk about that in a minute. I've been living in this neighborhood all year, so I can afford to live here because I've made all the payments that I'm obligated to make, and I pay them, so I clearly can afford it. But this person was saying you're not successful.
So I named the title of the live stream last night after that, because that's one of the main things everybody's going to see too: I'm $90,000 in debt, and I am financially successful. That's how I roll. It's the same thing that happened when a guy shouted that my life is in shambles. You want to play games? Okay. I've got the mic. I've got the followers. And your message, I'm going to put out the opposite of it, and that's what's going to go out to tens of thousands of people on YouTube: my message, from the present position I'm in now. That's why I was crying. This feels magical, what's happening in my life right now. And I'm so excited to see which direction the money comes in from. I'm ready to receive, and this is going to tie back into the dating amazingly.
An AA Meeting, Snuggles, and Feeling the Money in the Air
So I woke up this morning with a new look in my eye. I went to an AA meeting right away, and I had a nice chat with one of the women after the meeting. We talked about sponsorship, and I'm like, I don't have one, but I'm looking, but I'm not looking to just jump into anything. I'm not looking to just hop into any kind of sponsorship relationship, because it's just like dating. It can be easier to get a sponsor in AA than to get rid of one. This woman had such a nice, validating conversation with me. She was there with her husband, and I went home feeling very grateful for that meeting.
Then my kids came over right after that. I got snuggles. I worked on my work. And I was like, I'm not sure where the money's going to come from, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight. I can feel the money coming. And I love where I'm at today in my life.
Material Abundance Without Appreciation Is True Poverty
To me, that is the wealthiest place you can get in your life. There are so many people with big bank balances and big houses and big cars, and they hate where their life is. That's poverty. When you have so much material abundance that you hate where your life is, that's true poverty. That's failure. That, to me, is the highest level of failure: having so much abundance and not appreciating it.
And I know what that's like. I got myself into a much worse financial position than now in 2019, and it started with me having so much. A beautiful wife, two healthy, beautiful, amazing children, an extremely supportive family, making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in profit, working at home, paying for everything for my family, discovering I had a new sister, having successful relationships. I had everything. In 2018, my life was so abundant. And yet, probably from being online, I felt like it wasn't enough. I needed more followers. I had made more money in 2016, and I felt like 2018's hundred and some thousand dollars in profit wasn't enough. I felt like I'd failed.
Never mind that I gave my wife all kinds of money. She didn't have to work. She could just take care of the kids, and I helped out taking care of the kids, and I was going to AA. I was giving thousands of dollars away to homeless people, and I was giving a bunch to my fans all the time. And never mind all that, I still felt like poverty. This is not enough. All of this is not enough. I need a second wife, and I need to double my income, and I need way more followers. That's so crazy. But then I manifested scarcity after that from that feeling. So today I just feel like I love where my life is, and I am incredibly successful. And I'm so excited to see what happens.
My Matchmaker Set Me Up, and My Head Went Straight to the Worst Case
Today, I don't know what was going on with the universe. I read this email from my matchmaker, and I didn't even realize at first that she had set me up with a woman who looks on paper like an incredible match. Now, she's trying to sell me on the date, so I'll go on it, because that's what counts as her work being done. And I get that. She's trying to sell the woman on going out with me too, because that's how she gets paid. But at the same time, my matchmaker also wants to be able to take credit for putting two people together. She personally wants it and is hoping for it to work, and professionally, it makes sense.
So the woman's in her 20s, and the profile looks incredible. And in my head this morning, I'm already trying to go out with this woman while figuring there's no way this is going to work, figuring out what I should say on a date where I know there's almost no chance. But maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe I'm so wrong about that. I should be going out with this woman within the next week. And it's funny, because I don't even think of it as a date. I'm just going to literally meet this woman. And I'm like, there's almost no chance she's going to be happy with who I am and I'm going to be happy with who she is. I'm already assuming the worst, figuring that she's not going to want to talk to me. My mind is just going downhill. I'm having this dumb conversation in my head on a date that hasn't happened, and I'm like, this is so pointless. What are you doing? It's exactly the pattern I wrote about in I Expected Her to Reject Me. Then I Made It Happen.
Baseball With My Son and a Peaceful Day With the Kids
So I went to work. I uploaded at least 50, maybe more, Shorts. I spent time with the kids, and I played video games with them. I took my son to the park and threw the baseball with him. And it's amazing: in just a few months, this kid could hardly hit a baseball, and his catching was off. His throwing has always been awesome, but he missed a lot of catches. In just three months, my eight-year-old son playing baseball a few times a week, his throwing and catching is incredible. It's only a little bit behind mine. This kid has gotten so much better, so much faster. And I was just praying, like, son, I can't believe how amazing you are at this. I'm throwing him balls from like 20 yards away and he's consistently catching them. I'm just like, wow. And he's launching these balls at me. I'm just so proud and so grateful for my son.
And I snuggle with my kids and they play, and I make them kale chips, and they have boiled peanuts, and their mom comes over. I was thinking I should talk to her about other parts of my life. And it's like, no, you don't need to. You don't need to update your ex unless there are significant new developments, which there are not. And she already made that clear, so honor that. I'm like, okay, fine. So I was just having such a peaceful day with my kids. And I'm glad that when my ex walks in the house, it's nice to have her here. It's not awkward. It doesn't feel bad.
In fact, I almost instinctively gave her a hug and a kiss the other day. I was going to say it's weird, but it isn't. It makes sense. We were together 15 years. That was the first time in a while, though, that I had that automatic reflex and had to manually cancel the routine. I'm like, whoa, easy, buddy. Y'all split up a year ago. Easy. She's got a new boyfriend. And he doesn't need to know.
The Woman in South Africa Who Found Me Through Who Are These Podcasts
So after the kids left, I look at the clock and I'm like, okay, the woman I've been talking to for the last few days, we've talked about an hour every day, and she's in South Africa. She is so sweet, so beautiful, so affirming. And she seems very interested in me. I am so curious and interested in her. And I'm appreciating it, like, man, I wish she didn't live in South Africa. That's a long, long way away from me. But at the same time, it's forcing me to do exactly what I said I wanted to do. It means I need to just focus on being friends and really investigate her personality.
This is a real woman. We're having video chats. So this is not like some of y'all on the live stream were saying, oh, it's some scammer. I've had enough hours talking to her this week to know this is a real woman, who found me through Who Are These Podcasts. Then she got to a point where she was only watching me on Who Are These Podcasts, so she figured she should just watch my videos directly. And she knows so many things I've said. She said today, we could manufacture some drama if you want. And I'm like, no, it's not worth it. I'd rather just have things go smooth with you. I don't want to manufacture any drama.
Squeezing In a Run Before the Call
But I've got to back up for a minute. I had the kids, the kids left, I looked at my watch, and she said she was going to take a shower and then she'd be ready to talk to me. I'm like, great, I have time to go for a run right now. This is the best time I'm going to have to go for a run all day. I was already a little sweaty from going to the park with my son. This week I did yoga and another workout class and tennis, so I hadn't been on a run in a few days. I'm like, awesome, let me go for this run right now, and then I'll be perfectly timed where I can talk to her. Then I was supposed to be on Ashley Cummings' stream starting a couple of hours after that. Then I had a call with another YouTuber for another hour. So I was like, great, I'm going to get my exercise now. I don't want to run too late, so it's the last chance to exercise.
The Queen Shirt, the VidSummit Shirt
So I get out there and I go for my run, and I'm on my first lap. I was hurt by the last interaction I'd had with the woman I've called the queen. She has that nickname because I told her she was my queen, and it's just stuck at this point. I've told the queen stories before, so you may already know the history. And the shirt I was wearing when I met her is on my website also, though apparently it's worth much more to me than it is to anyone else, which I get. But picture having that hanging up in your closet. That's Jerry's shirt. That's the queen shirt. That's the VidSummit shirt. That's something that would have some emotional meaning. If I watched someone, I would love to have one of deadmau5's shirts that had emotional significance. I'd pay probably several thousand more in debt to have a shirt from deadmau5 and have it posted up on the wall, like, hey, that's what Joel was wearing when he first made that song. If he had the shirt he wore when he made a song, I'd pay thousands for that. So I'm doing what I can out here.
Running Into the Queen When I Wasn't in the Mood
So I'm on my first lap and I'm thinking, there's no way I'm going to see the queen today. I'm not in the mood right now. I'm hurt that she ignored or didn't respond to my message, which at this point had been several weeks, and she hadn't responded to my last message either. I'm just like, I'm not in the mood to see her right now. And there's no way at this random time on a Saturday that she's going to be out here.
I had that thought, and two minutes later, guys, if you don't realize how magical life is, even when it doesn't feel like magic, that's just contrast. Two minutes later, I'm running and I see this woman wearing a hat, and I'm like, oh, here's an attractive woman in a hat. As I get close to her, only a few feet away, I'm like, oh, that's her. And she hollers out at me, like, hey! And I literally was like, not right now. So I just did this little half-hearted wave at her. I didn't recognize her until the last minute, and then I'm like, all right, just do something. So I did a half-hearted wave.
I'm still hurt. Not as much about her behavior, even. I don't feel the way I did before, either. I had such big heartfelt energy and excitement and love for her, and I've tried to do everything with my head to shut that down and to cut all those cords so that I'm more available for other women, and I'm not holding on to someone who doesn't seem to be holding on to me. I laid that out in I'm Done Investing Emotionally in Women Who Don't Invest in Me. So I've intentionally had my head going, look, listen, stop. Let go of her, open your heart to other women, let her go. And so I see her and I'm like, I have a time schedule, and it felt like such a contrast, because she seemed happy to see me. And I'm like, I'm not happy to see you right now. I'm hurt. I don't want to deal with this. I'd rather just move on. And at this point, it just feels like we're going to rub salt in the wound here.
Leaving Her Hanging on the High Five
So I'm running around again, and I'm like, I should probably just take a different route, because I'm probably going to run by her again at this rate. I keep running and I come around the opposite side, like 180 degrees from where we were, and this time she's hollering at me and I see her hat. I'm like, oh no. What? And I'm like, maybe I'll say hi this time. I had a whole half lap, like three quarters of a mile, to think about this. And then she tries to high five me. She sticks her hand out to try and high five me, and she's all excited. But again, I'm still feeling hurt. I'm like, really? You don't want to respond to my text message, but you're going to react this positively to seeing me in person? It feels fake. But maybe it's not fake. Maybe she didn't feel the same way about my voice memo saying I'd be happy to be friends with her and suggesting a couple of things we could do, and so she didn't respond to it. I'm just like, this feels fake. Really? You're just happy to see me, but you don't want to respond to my messages? I was just feeling like, come on, this is ridiculous.
So she tried to high five me when I was running by and I just did my little wave again. And she turns around and she's like, oh, you're going to leave me hanging? And I turned and looked at her and I just kept running, because I'm like, yeah, I'm going to leave you hanging. You left my message unresponded to for two and a half weeks. Yes, I am going to leave you hanging.
But then I've got a whole other lap, and I'm like, man, I really should dip right now. I'm going to run into her again at this rate. And I'm all in my head. One of the nice things about exercising is that you can get out of your head sometimes, but I'm in my head going, man, I want to do better than this. This is an opportunity. Make the most of it. Don't waste it. You don't want to feel bad later. So I'm like, all right, fine. I'm going to be friendly next time. If she stops, I'm going to be friendly and I'm just going to own it. And then I'm like, maybe she'll just run off to her house and I won't have to see her again.
"I Just Realized I Didn't Respond to Your Message"
So I'm running up right by her again at about the last spot I would have seen her, because this was my last lap. I'd done almost three miles at this point. And this time she was trying to not be overly enthusiastic. So I stopped running and I walked up to her and I said, hey, and I think I gave her a high five or something. And then she's like, oh, I just realized I didn't respond to your message. And in my head I'm like, what's your problem? Are you kidding me? Seriously? Really? You just now realized? Come on. She's like, I've been so busy. And in my head it's, no, just tell me to my face. Just tell me, look, you don't matter. All right. You don't matter. I've got other stuff that's more important to me. You don't matter. That's why I didn't respond to you. You don't matter. I don't care about you. I have other things that are more important to do. That was the narrative in my head, at least.
So then she was trying to tell me that maybe her feelings were hurt by my lukewarm reaction. It's just crazy. Can't we all just be nice to each other? Apparently not. I'm trying to lead by example, and it's not so easy sometimes, is it? So she's like, I need to run. And I'm like, look, I'll run some more with you. Let's go. So we run and walk for about another mile together. And it's funny, because the last time I was so happy to see her and I really wanted to see her again. This time I have almost no enthusiasm. My heart is shut. It feels like an effort to talk to her. I'd already decided, as I wrote in I Was Wrong: Men Should Stop Chasing Sooner, to stop chasing. And I'm like, my God, is this what she felt like?
Is This How She Felt?
After that video I sent her, and after me getting needy and really wanting her attention and getting hurt, is this how she felt? Did she feel the same way, hurt? She probably did. She probably felt hurt by my behavior, and then she saw my message. Last time I saw her, I said, I'm sorry for the way I acted, and I won't do that again. I said I'd be patient. I wasn't, and I can't help but think maybe I'm doing it again now. This is the trap I described in You Can't Find Love While Trying Not to Get Hurt.
But at least I told her, look, the last discussion with you was helpful for me in realizing I need to be friends with women first. I tried to date you basically as two different people. In my twenties, there was one guy who was dating: the guy who wanted to hook up as fast as possible. That was the guy. There was no care for being friends or any of that. It was, I want to get in bed with a woman as soon as possible. I'm just trying to get laid. And then maybe if I really enjoy that, I'll have a relationship so I can have that as often as possible. That was my thinking in my twenties, and I owned it. Women who weren't on that frequency were totally repulsed by me, and women who were on that frequency were very turned on. So it worked, in its way.
But when I was trying to date the queen, I was dating on two different frequencies, where half of me was still in that old world, and half of me was in this new open-hearted place: I want to fall in love. I want to get to know a woman slowly. I want to really research a woman and make sure our personalities are aligned. So it was tough, because I felt so much about her, and it revealed this split. Half of me wanted to be patient and be a friend and take things slow. But the other half of me was like, as soon as things slow down for a minute and she says she needs space and cancels the date, I'm out. I'm pulling back, and I'm trying to make it her fault through my needy, harsh behavior. I apologized for that. I went through a lot of these patterns in everything I was doing wrong on 20+ dates after my divorce. So I told her, you helped me see that I was dating as two people, because that's how I used to be. But now I want to be friends with women first. I don't want to jump into anything. And thank you for helping me see that.
She Needs a New Place, and I Know the Perfect One
Then we talked some more, and she's like, yeah, I need to be out of the place I'm living, I need to find a new place. And I was just like, oh no. She was obviously not asking about moving in with me or anything. Ashley asked me later, do you think she was being friendly because she wanted to move in with you? I'm like, no way. But I realized I do know a place pretty close by that would be perfect for her, at least in my mind. And my first thought was, dude, don't tell her about that place, because then you're going to see her even more often. So, of course, I told her about it. And I'm just like, universe, what are you doing with this? This is ridiculous right now. But I know the owner of the place, and the queen's looking for a place to live soon, and the owner is looking for somebody to rent, and it should just be perfect. So I'm like, all right, I guess I'll make this connection.
Then she was ready to say goodbye, and I was too. Last time she'd given me this big, sweaty, nice hug, but this time she seemed a little more standoffish. I gave her a hug anyway, and then I thought I should have just walked off, because I saw that she was a little standoffish and awkward. Maybe she was surprised that I wasn't very enthusiastic to see her, because every other time I've been so excited to see her, and I'm sure she could read that I was unenthusiastic. Then I went back home and sent her the information, and I sent the owner of the place the information so they could connect. And I was like, what is happening right now? This is just crazy.
An Hour and Ten Minutes That Flew By
Then I talked to the woman from South Africa for an hour right after that, as soon as I got home, and this woman just has an amazing personality. She's so validating. She thinks I'm hilarious. I think she's funny. We talked for an hour and ten minutes, and it just flew by, to the point where she's yawning and lying down. I'm like, all right, it's 11:30 your time, and she always gets up at seven, she said. So it's like, all right, it's time for you to go to bed, I'll let you go. I talked to her about running into the queen, and it was nice. When I hung up the phone, I was like, this conversation with this woman in South Africa is how communicating with somebody should feel. This feels so good. I felt so open-hearted and excited to communicate with her.
And she likes dark comedy, just like I do. If anything, I think she can go darker than me. I think she's had quite a bit rougher life in South Africa than I have over here. So I'm like, wow. For once. My ex did not like my dark humor. She'd had an extremely sheltered life, and my dark humor, from being a police officer and my parents being in the military and all the comedy I'd watched and all the dudes I'd hung out with, was offensive to her. She didn't want to hear my dark jokes, ever. And the queen is probably a lot more like my ex in that respect. So I had such a great conversation with this woman in South Africa, and I'm like, wow, that's so wild.
An Hour and a Half on Ashley Cummings' Live Stream
Then I let her go so I could shower and get ready to go on Ashley Cummings' live stream on her channel. I had an amazing hour and a half discussion with Ashley and her friend, RN, which were his initials on there. Ashley teared up a little bit during the live stream. I almost did too. We talked about family stuff and dating and making money. It was such a great conversation. And it's nice, because I can actually say Ashley's name since she's a public figure also, and you can watch the live stream with us. It was a beautiful live stream.
Ashley had asked, hey, you want to come on my stream today? I'd love for you to join. And at first I'm like, I need to film videos, I've got calls, and I didn't even realize I was going to spend like 30 minutes talking with the queen today also. I was like, I don't know. But I can't just do Ashley Cummings' live stream for five minutes, so I ended up being on there an hour and a half, because the conversation was awesome. Ashley's so smart, so affirming. She's like, I love you, Jerry. And I'm like, I love you too, Ashley Cummings. And I was like, wow, I haven't heard a woman say that in a long time, besides my mother. And my mother absolutely counts. Speaking of which, I hope I have time to call my mother tonight, because I didn't last night, did I? Is it Saturday already? No, I talked to her Thursday. Then I'm like, wait, no, my friends Lindsay and Angela tell me they love me also. So I'm like, man, these women who are friends and tell you they love you and are so affirming, it's so good for my heart.
Supernatural
So I got off the live stream with Ashley, and I just felt so good. I had a quick Larabar, and I got ready to do this vlog, and I put on "Supernatural" by Kesha, because that was in my head. And I just cried. I'm like, dude, your life is supernatural. This is incredible. Do you understand how miraculous what's happening in your life is? From most people's point of view, you look crazy, delusional, whatever. Who Are These Podcasts said lately that it's my latest psychological breakdown or whatever. From my point of view, I am absolutely in love with my life right now. This is one of the most beautiful times I've ever had in my life, of learning, of growth, of connecting with people, of building up from scratch on YouTube.
Paying Devin Nash $200 for a Channel Review
Speaking of that, I also paid a guy named Devin Nash. He's a YouTuber and content creator. I paid him $200 today and sent him all six of my channels and the analytics for them. In exchange, he's going to make a 15-minute video review, which I hope I can post, and give his advice. I asked him, look, I'm not sure what to focus on. Is there something I can do to make more money, like sell this gold satin shirt? Or is there a product? Should I build one channel? Should I go off YouTube? I don't know. There are so many opportunities, but I'm having a hard time hitting one that's really proving it's the way.
My meme coins, for example, have been rough. The price on them has dropped, and I'm grateful there are some of you in the chat who are holding Jerry on Robinhood and JBBJ on ICP. This is obviously not financial advice, because I'm holding thousands of dollars of these coins also, and I have less than 10 percent of the supply on them. I'm just sitting on it. So I reached out to this guy for help. I'm like, look, whatever you think, I'd like to hear it. And I want to reach out to some more people for advice, people who know the world I'm in, who have gotten a lot of views online and are in this space as full-time creators. I want that perspective. Random people in the chat talking trash, I appreciate the advice and the suggestions. At the same time, though, I do want an expert opinion too, someone who's got as much experience as me to look at what I'm doing. So I emailed and asked Devin Nash for help.
I'm like, let me drop $200 for this, because his help could be worth thousands of dollars, or it might not be worth anything, but I'm excited to see what he says.
Genius or Insane?
So then I walked up to start my vlog, listening to "Supernatural" by Kesha, and I just cried, because I felt this power. I feel this sense of almost being like a baby that's just being held and taken care of by my parents, that everything's okay. Because sometimes I wonder, am I a genius, or am I seriously insane and delusional? I recognize most of you would think one or the other. I guess a lot of you who watch me are probably thinking genius and inspiration, but to the average person, I'm not a genius. To the average person, I look nuts. This guy's just borrowing everything he can on credit cards to go for his dream of being a YouTuber, which he already accomplished, but he deleted everything to go for it again. And he's trying to date so hard, and he's spent tens of thousands of dollars on it, as I shared when I spent $10,000 on dating to help build my business. He fell in love with a woman, and it just ended up being so much hurt. Even though the first week with the queen was so amazing, and the most incredible date of my life was in it, that was the best week I've had all year, and the worst week I've had all year was the next two weeks. That was rough, as she pulled away.
Look at the Beautiful Day You Just Had With Three Different Women
When I was getting ready to do this vlog, it's like, look how magical your life is. You ran into the queen again. You talked with her again. Then you had a woman from South Africa have an awesome call with you, affirm you, and pay attention to you for an hour and ten minutes, a woman who loves your videos, who is clearly attracted to you, and you're attracted to her. Then you went on Ashley Cummings' live stream. She said she loves you, and you had a great time and laughed. For all that I've struggled so much with women this year, and felt like women were the other at various points, it's like, look at the beautiful day you just had with three different women. All women that I'd potentially be happy to be with. And then there's this other woman in her 20s that you're set up to match with next week. Look how abundant the universe is. I feel so held.
Then the thought after that is, well, what about my money? And it's like, look what just happened.
The Clarity Ashley Helped Me Find: Just Be Friends With Women
In the last few weeks, Ashley was a big part of this, with the stream we did on my Jerry Banfield dating channel and the calls and the audio messages and the phone calls we've had. I feel like Ashley was a big part of helping me get clarity. Look, be friends with women. Just love women, be friends with women, and open your heart. And if there's a woman who is friends with you and falls in love with you, then be open to that. That's all you need to do: be friends with women, love women, hang out with women, but essentially forget about dating women and just enjoy being around and spending time with women. Let whoever's going to be the next wife and mother of my kids pick you. Let her fall in love with you slowly, because that's what's going to work well for her, to fall in love with you slowly, and let her desire you. Let her make her desire known to you. And then if you feel the same way, let that happen. That'll be the most beautiful experience you could have. It fits what I wrote in The Right Person Makes You Want to Give, Not Take. So that was a few weeks ago.
The Sunday in Michigan When I Cried for Hours
And then it's like, remember all this pain you've had dating all year. That day, Sunday, when I was with my kids in Michigan, where I realized that this beautiful thing that had started with the queen was over, that she'd pulled away, she'd run from me, she wasn't available, and that it wasn't going to work. I was so devastated. I felt like I was dragging my body around like a heavy weight all day. It was rough. My aunt was concerned, but I just did stuff with the kids. I cried for hours. The kids snuggled up and hugged me. And then I took the kids out to lunch. I took the kids to mini golf and the batting cage and go-karts, and I'm like, it doesn't matter how I feel. I'm going to take my kids to have fun.
That's what I love about myself. I have big feelings, but my big feelings do not stop me from doing the next right thing, from going out and taking care of my kids, creating content, taking care of my body and my mind. No matter what's happening in my life, no matter how I feel about it, I do the next right thing.
My Daughter, My Ex, and How Fast Things Happen When You're Open
And what felt so miraculous is, look at the beautiful day you had with your daughter, too, from the point of view of the day you had with women. Your daughter came over and was so happy to see you. So happy that I ordered her this stuffed animal she wanted. And she snuggled with me on the couch and talked to me. I showed her a picture of the woman from South Africa and she's like, oh, she's so cute. She's so pretty. And then my ex-wife was there, and she was just relaxed today. I'm glad I have such a relaxed relationship with my ex, even though there are such big emotions and so much history there. She can just hang out, and it feels good. Then right after that, you got to see the queen again and talk with her again. Right after that, the one from South Africa. Look at the beautiful day you had and see how amazing that is, and see that you prayed for all these women in your life.
Two days before I met the queen, I shouted out loud in my house, please, I can't do this without you anymore. I need you, please. And then I met the queen two days later. When that was so rough, I struggled for a few months, but then I set a clear intention. I want some of these women who watch me, even just one, I want one woman who watches me to take an interest in me. And literally, Ashley was in my inbox within hours of that thought. It helped me so much with the conversations we had. Then this woman from South Africa showed up right after that. Look how fast things can happen when you're open, when you open your heart to them.
"Nice to See You Again," and Why I'm Not Replying
Then I'm thinking, okay, I'm done with the queen. That's it. There's nothing else that's going to happen. She said she still sees my videos. I don't know if she watches them, but she sees that I'm publishing them. And then I sent her the information right before this, and she texted me, nice to see you again. What do y'all think I'm going to do? What do y'all think I'm going to say right now? I haven't replied. It was nice. I appreciated that she said nice to see me again, and I'm happy to get that message for sure. But at this point, I'm going to be the one to not follow up, because I think that ship has sailed. Obviously there's part of me that would still love to be with her, that has deep emotions buried under some hurt. Maybe I can have some forgiveness, and maybe I'm scared to feel any kind of feelings for her again. And at the same time, I'm going to open my heart to whichever woman wants it the most. That's who can have it. I'm going to open my heart to whichever woman wants it the most.
I'm extremely grateful for all the possibilities today. At this rate, I could have a great date off the matchmaking too, which is not even going to be a date. It's just meeting a person I don't even know, and we're going to talk, maybe. So that's what brought me to tears. When you feel that sense that who I am and the biggest power are not separate, like my desires that I've cried out for, it's amazing, if I'll open my heart and adjust what I do, how fast things can happen. Based on what I've seen with dating, which has been pretty rough most of this year, right now I feel so held and so supported by women. It's amazing. Even just that the queen was open to talking with me and hanging out with me today felt good, even though I could barely receive it. And it's nice that when I sent her the info she said thank you very much, and then the one extra message, nice to see you today. Thank you. That was nice.
But at this point, if I reply, I'm going to open a can of worms on my end. What am I going to say? Nice to see you too. And then am I going to be waiting for her to reply? I already learned once that waiting on texts didn't make me more attractive, and I don't want to get back into watching my phone. At this point, her message could easily be the conclusion. I don't need to say anything else. And I don't want to get more emotionally invested in a woman who seems, at least from her own words, to not have any space to emotionally invest in me. So I feel like I'm doing a good job on that right now. And I'm really excited to talk to my friend about YouTube.
Why I'm Telling You My Story
I'm telling you my story because I don't know your story, but I love hearing other people's real, raw stories of their lives. And I hope that by hearing my story, you can find what's magic and beautiful in your life today. And that no matter what other people think about your life, you can see your life as something beautiful that you treasure right now. Only you can make that decision. That's what I'm intending to lead by example on: that I am absolutely, extremely grateful that everything is exactly where it is today. To me, that's the absolute wealthiest you can be. The happiest you can be is to say, thank you very much for exactly how everything is right now. And at the same time, to realize I have created everything the way it is right now. Man, that's beautiful. But on another level, it feels like I'm just a baby getting carried around and things are happening around me.
And there was another woman that I liked, and I wanted to date her, and she said she just wanted to be friends.
Two Women Within a Minute of Each Other
About a minute before I ran into the queen, this woman ran by me. I don't know if she recognized me or not, or if she was just focused, but she didn't acknowledge me at all, and I didn't acknowledge her. Then she ran by me again, and this time I was sure it was her, but I didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything. So I'm like, this is so crazy right now. The odds of literally two women, one I did date for a few weeks, and another one I was interested in dating who said she wanted to be friends, after which I mostly left her alone and avoided the usual context I was seeing her in, both of them going by me within a minute or two of each other. And then the woman from South Africa is talking to me on Ashley's stream. This is amazing. I'm grateful for it, and I'm excited to see where we go from here.
Relax, the Dating's Handled
I just have this feeling with the dating, like, look, relax. The dating's handled. You do need to speak your truth. You do need to share. You do need to adjust. But once I put myself in the right position with the dating, and I feel like I'm in just the right position and mindset with it now, that was the hard part. I value women as friends, and Ashley, the woman from South Africa, and even the queen were all able to help me feel very validated and loved and seen and supported by women, which is awesome, because I already feel that with men. I wrote about loving dating in 2026 back in July, and this is a deeper version of that same feeling.
And it's like, look what I gave you a taste of today. Now you can be sure that you're going to have a dating life you're really excited about. This is me talking to what some of you would call God or my higher self or whatever, and it's like, if I can do this with women, I'm going to dump all the money on you too. You ready for it? Are you ready for all that money? Because once you get that money, you're not going to be able to have the honest clickbait title that you're $90,000 in credit card debt. What are you going to title your videos then, when that's gone? I've already admitted that my dating failures make me money, and the debt titles work the same way. So enjoy this part of the journey. This is the top of the roller coaster. Maybe it's starting to go down. I don't know, but enjoy the journey, because really, life is about the journey. Enjoy it.
Do Y'all Want to Buy a Shirt?
I just have a feeling that you all, collectively, could dump hundreds of thousands of dollars on me, and from my view it would be fairly effortless for you to do it. So there's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to worry about. I do need to try out different businesses and ask for help and ask for advice and see, do y'all want to buy a shirt? What do y'all want to buy?
So thank you. That's incredible. I love you each. I hope I've shared that, yeah, I'm up and I'm down sometimes, but when you read a day like this one, it's communicated to you. If you want more days like this, they're all in my Daily Vlogs playlist. So I love you. Thank you for being here today.
And if you want this exact shirt, there's only one of them, and whoever buys it first gets it. I'm interested to see, is this thing going to sell or not? We'll see what happens. Ashley said she wants it for Halloween. She's going to go as Jerry Banfield for Halloween if none of y'all buy it. So, she said, hopefully nobody will buy it before Halloween.