This is my vlog for August 27, 2026. I'm Jerry Banfield, full-time YouTuber. Big story for today: I'm listing the Queen video. Somebody sent me a message on my website saying they'd offer $2,000 for it, so I've got it on my website now at jerrybanfield.com. And whoever buys it — there's only one available — whoever buys it gets it, and then gets to publish it before I even react to it myself. It's 94% of the original video; I just had to take out her name and other identifying details with editing.
What Is Happening With Dating?
Today I'm just feeling like, my God, what is happening with dating? It's so crazy. And yes, I am tending to go for women that are attractive, intelligent, and often have jobs and are successful in the world — that's towards the higher end. I went out with this woman a week and a half ago and we had a really nice date. She texted me 30 minutes after the date with a very warm message. Then she was going on a trip and would be gone for two weeks, so we planned a phone call a few days later. We had what I thought was a nice phone call. Then we sent some text messages back and forth, and on Saturday she sent a nice message when she was going camping with her family.
I didn't respond for a couple of days, because after what I did with the Queen, I figured I'd just give her some space to hang out with her family and not be pressuring her that she's got to talk to me and text me and reply and all that. I sent her a message Monday morning that went through as an SMS, so I guess her phone wasn't charged. She'd said, "I won't have my phone for a couple of days" with a laughing emoji — "probably good for me." I sent a message Monday. Then yesterday I said, "Are you still camping or did you get back?" She sends a message 15 minutes later: "Done camping. By the way, I don't know how to be less abrupt, but I don't want to waste your time. You're a great guy. I'm not feeling the connection. I suspect that's something you understand. I don't feel like I'm the right person for you."
Where does this come from? Just this volatile shift in emotions that doesn't even seem to match reality. And this is from a woman who has been single most of her life — and who has not seen my YouTube, as far as I know. This is purely something just happening in her mind. So I sent a message saying: I understand what you mean, and I felt some of the distance too. I just have a different read on what it means. I felt a great connection with you on the phone, and even more when we were together in person. Then almost immediately you were traveling, camping, and off the grid, so we haven't had a chance to build on what started. Connection needs time together, especially in person. That's why I'm confident a second date is worth it. The risk-reward is absurdly favorable: if I'm wrong and there isn't enough here, we spend another couple of hours together and come away with clarity. But if I'm right and there's a significant connection, the upside is enormous. That's easily worth a couple more hours to find out. I said, let's plan something Saturday or Sunday.
She waits 12, 14 hours to respond. Then she says, "I appreciate you wanting to give it more of a chance, but out of respect for our time, I'm going to say no. I really wish you all the best and hope you find your person." I don't get it. How are you almost 40 years old, you've been single your whole life, you're very interested in finding someone, you have fun on a date — and then nothing? I'm going to respond and ask: what happened? I'm just curious. What the hell happened? Is this just a woman having normal female emotions, going from "oh, he's awesome" to "I hate him, don't want to see him again"? Or did something else happen? I'm going to ask, because — did I tell a story or something? This is so bad. This is so baffling.
One possible explanation I'm considering is that I've been a bit hesitant with texting women a lot, especially after the Queen. With her, I put in so much effort and texted her constantly, and it certainly seemed like in a lot of ways it worked — until she pulled back. Then my texting became a burden. But even the week she pulled back, she still was responding to my texts and communicating with me. And then I sent this video, which seemed to finish things.
Selling the Queen Video
So after seeing that somebody offered $2,000 for the video, I'm like, fine, I'll sell it. I sent the Queen a message. I said the offer's up to $2,000 for the video, and there might be an offer that's higher than that. I'm going to remove anything identifying about you and sell it on my website — unless you want to meet in person and explain why I should keep the edited version private. If we collaborate, we could also potentially make more and share the income. Then she's like, "Send me the edited version," along with a lot of the rest of the message ignored. I said I'm happy to meet you in person and sit down and watch the edited version together, laugh about the cringe moments, and talk about what shifted in our lives since I sent you that. I'm not just sending her the edited version of the video, though, so she can sit down at home and watch me in a time where I basically made all the wrong moves in the game.
Then somebody else messaged me — and by the way, if you want to message me, go to jerrybanfield.com and join the Skool community. I get an instant DM notification straight on my phone. There's like 30-some people in there; I just launched it within the last month. And somebody said, "Dude, you need to go overseas." I now have Thailand, Romania, and Colombia on my radar. They're like, you will easily find a woman overseas that's crazy for you, that wants to marry you and have kids with you and will cook for you, and you'll get laid a bunch — you'll love it. And I'm thinking that might be the solution, that I do need to go overseas, because this is ridiculous with the women I'm coming across.
Some of you that don't have as much experience in the world might think that it's me. And yes, I certainly have something to do with it. At the same time, this seems to be the experience a lot of guys I know are also having with women. For example, I know a guy in his 50s — a very attractive guy who has his life together, drives a nice car, has a job that pays well, his mother loves him, he lives in a nice place. This guy consistently gets dates. And what does he come away saying? The women are crazy. And that is my experience. Where is a sane woman? Where are the sane women? Now, I know this is not just about women — I know there's lots of crazy men also.
And I swear, this woman is so tapped in. The Queen just messaged me while I was filming today. She said, "Send me it so I can watch it before you float it. It's not necessary to watch in person." I disagree. She can just watch it with whoever buys it and publishes it — she already saw the video, after all. Maybe I could send it to her so if there's anything else she wants removed, I could do that. But the AI already went through it, and I will rewatch it. And it's so ridiculous: with this woman, the Queen, I have not heard from her very many times in the last month. When I've literally been talking about her while filming videos, she has texted me twice. And I messaged her hours ago about this.
It's so disappointing and sad to see how much people are struggling to connect. I'm trying to figure out what I need to do, because I want connection. I want a real woman. I want a woman I'm happy with. I just don't want to deal with all these crazy women that go from "that was an awesome date, I can't wait to see you again, let's schedule a date" to "I don't want to see you again, it's not worth my time." What in the hell are you thinking? And again, I know there's guys that are crazy too. I know there's guys out there lying to women — guys that are married and on dating apps, lying. I know there's a lot of men acting like jerks too. What's even more disturbing is that it seems lots of women are going out with these guys, falling in love with them, and then treating everyone else just awful. And then I wonder: do I need to be one of these guys? Do I need to be a guy that's willing to do whatever it takes? Do I need to put a dating profile up and lie about my age, get the absolute best profile pictures, buy some coaching program for men where I have the perfect lines set up and learn all these techniques that escalate things? Do I need to do that? Do we need to go that hard?
Last night, when I got this message from — what am I going to call this woman? I don't know if she needs a name. She came through matchmaking, so I'll just call her Eight. When I got this message from Eight, I was just like, what in the hell? It threw me off and my mind started spiraling. And then at the same time, I saw this offer for the Queen video, and I'm like: there's no reason I should turn down $2,000 because the Queen asked me to keep this video private, when it's my video. What am I doing here? She's doing nothing for me and saying I can make money other ways. So if somebody wants to pay $2,000 for this video, I'll sell it and I'll take the free publicity with it — even though this video is epic roast material. I don't even want to watch it again, but I need to watch it again to see how the edit came out. I don't want to watch other people watch it and get made fun of and roasted. At the same time, I've got another matchmaking date lined up with a woman next week. I literally have another date lined up.
Winning in Business, Grateful for the Drama
I'm like, man, I just need to keep going — and I made $900 yesterday, which is awesome. I'm super grateful for your support. As I shared yesterday, I'd made $400 from calls. Well, then somebody went in and bought the $500 sponsored crypto video, and I'm going to talk with them in less than an hour and do that video. So I'm definitely winning in terms of my business, and I'm grateful. All these women have given me great material for my videos. I remember, like a year ago, my vlogs were so boring that nobody would watch them, because it was like: hey, I'm married, I played tennis, I took the kids to school today, I filmed a video. There was no drama. And I've been saying thank you for the drama, because this is fun, and I'm going to learn and help teach people how to date better. My gosh, this is making me stronger — the emotions from this.
I did like Eight. I liked her, I really wanted to see her again, but I swear I could feel her pulling away, and I think it happened after our phone call. I told this story of how I just walked out of my parents' house when I lived with them in 2010, drove 90 minutes to the casino, got drunk all night, won like a thousand dollars, and then tried to sleep in a restroom toilet the next day. Maybe that wasn't the best story to tell. And I'm going to ask her: look, just real talk — what happened? Did something not related to me happen? Maybe she met a guy back home and she's thinking about him — whatever, that's fine. Or did you trigger and laser in on something, like "he didn't text me back"? Because I am seeing that pattern.
Number Four, the Single Mom, and the Texting Question
So I'll talk about another woman — I think she was number four, maybe number five, I don't know. We'll call her Four. I had an awesome first date with her several months ago. And actually, I think this was the last woman I kissed. I kissed her at the end of the first date and she seemed to really like it. If I had it to do over again, I'd probably invite her over to my house right afterwards too, because maybe 50/50 she says yes after that kiss. I think that was a good time to at least make the offer. And is that what we need to do? I know someone right now that's dating, and it just seems like if he doesn't get laid on the first date, often nothing happens with the woman. But if he gets laid on a first date, then things seem to go somewhere. Is that what I need to do? Do I need to make my dating plans in such a manner that I always invite the woman back to my house on the first date? I'm thinking maybe I'll buy a massage table, because this person I'm thinking of has a very clear pitch, everything's lasered in, and it works half the time. So I'm like, I need a clear pitch too. Maybe I'll get a massage table and be like: hey, I did a little bit of massage school — you want to come back to my house? I'll show you my YouTube studio and give you a massage. Does that sound interesting?
So I'm asking myself: do I want to use dating apps again? But I already have a date lined up for a week from now. And at the same time, I just already feel hopeless about it. Like, what's the point? I've been out on at least 20 first dates this year. I've had a few second dates, but those were only with women I met in person — no second dates off of matchmaking or dating apps. And with the Queen, we had a really nice third and fourth date. Why does everybody seem locked into being miserable on this planet, fake acting nice to your face? At least maybe it's people that are single — I don't know if people in relationships can be unhappy. But there's got to be a woman somewhere that I can have a really nice time with, that we can have a great life together, that we can have fun together. And I'm taking my dating less seriously. At this point, my God, I just want to find a woman that's decent, that we could have fun together. It doesn't need to be forever — just a woman we could have a few nice dates with, for God's sakes. A woman that doesn't go from "oh, you're great" to, a couple of days later, "oh, I don't want to see you again, I don't feel the connection."
So this woman I call Four: I went out with her and we had a great date. I read body language — she was into me, she was attracted to me, she was having fun, she was laughing. I kissed her at the end of the date. I think it was 50/50 she comes back to my house if I invite her at the end of the date; I didn't. Then we exchanged phone numbers, I texted her, and we set up a second date a week later. She sent the last message, something like she's looking forward to seeing me again. That was Sunday. I don't text her Monday or Tuesday. Here's the timeline: we went out on Thursday, exchanged numbers through the matchmaker Friday, Saturday and Sunday we texted and scheduled the next date, and Monday I don't text her because we have a date set up. Maybe I'm old-fashioned at this point, but back when I dated 15, 16, 20 years ago, we didn't text all the time. You set up a date and then you just maybe confirmed — or often not, you'd just show up. And sometimes the person wouldn't even be there. So with Four, I didn't text her Monday, I didn't text her Tuesday. She texts me 48 hours after her last message, suddenly: "I'm just not feeling the romantic spark. You're a nice guy, but I need to move on" — the same basic thing. And I'm like, what is happening?
And then there's the single mom I did the video about — the one who stood me up, or canceled at the very last minute, a week ago. I did the same thing with her. I met her on a Monday a few weeks ago, got her phone number, and set up a date immediately. I didn't text her Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. I messaged her Friday to confirm the date. She didn't message me that day; she messaged me last minute the morning of: "Oh my God, I got my son, sorry, can we reschedule?" So I say sure. I give her a couple of days and message her again. She says, "Check with me again to reschedule and I'll know my schedule." I messaged her Thursday and she's enthusiastic — she wants to go out on a date Friday night. Awesome, perfect, looking forward to it. Then I don't message her Friday. I don't say good morning, I don't say I'm looking forward to the date. And I get a message from her two and a half hours beforehand: "Sorry, got to cancel."
I'm just trying to figure out what I need to adjust. Do I need to just date women in other countries? Is this just a normal experience with women in St. Petersburg, Florida, or women in the United States right now? I don't know. I'm asking and talking to my friends, and it seems this is a pretty normal experience. I'm grateful I'm not the kind of guy to just internalize it and think something's wrong with me. Nothing's wrong with me. I'm an attractive guy who has a purpose, who some women find very attractive. I consistently get positive responses from women on first dates. So what the hell is happening after that? Are they expecting me to constantly be texting them and flirting, and if that isn't there, they flake, they cancel, they say the spark's not there? I just want to figure this out. What is this thing that's happening over the phone? With the Queen, we had so much fun in person and it just got destroyed over the phone. With number Eight, we had a nice time in person — destroyed over the phone. Maybe I just need to not use the phone at all and say: look, at the end of the first date, if you want to see me again, I'm going to be at this place at this time. I don't want to talk, I don't want to text. I'm tired of dates being ruined on the phone all the time. This is ridiculous. And it's them almost all the time — or maybe it's something I'm doing.
Some people have said, dude, these days you can't do that. When I talked about Four — she was in her early thirties, a beautiful woman, rich, smart — people said you can't just not text a woman for two days. She's figuring you've broken up with her, you've moved on, you're done. That seems to be the thing I need to look at. It's funny, because I feel that I'm so willing to put in the effort, but I did feel some resistance with Eight to texting her. I'm like, there's no point in texting her, this isn't going to work out. Maybe I was feeling something — but she sent a nice message Saturday morning. Why didn't I text her for two days? Maybe she's right. Maybe the connection wasn't there. With Four, I didn't even reply to her message about not feeling the romantic spark. But then you see these messages somebody sent me, where a guy sends a message saying, "Had a great time with you, would love to see you again." The woman's like, "Not interested at all." The guy says, "Totally respect that, good luck." Then she sends a message back to him saying, "See, this is the problem with you. You're such a feminine guy. Instead of arguing with me, instead of asking what happened or what went on, you just accept whatever I said." It's like — oh my God. What?
I want to learn. Maybe I go somewhere else and the women are different. Maybe it's just the women I've been encountering, or manifesting. And I want to know if I should online date again. Right now, the poll in the Skool community shows people are mostly in favor of me online dating again. And I'm going to go all out with my profile. But do I want to spend money with some coach to optimize my profile perfectly?
Coaches, Standards, and Cold Messages
The dating coach I worked with before looked over my profile, thought it was great, and took pictures. That profile bombed. That first photo she took was horrible — it had me smiling with my arms crossed, and almost no women were reacting to it. So I see what these guys are saying about optimizing everything. Part of me is frustrated for everybody else too. Maybe if you're more of an average man and you're dealing with average women, it's different. I think I'm a well above average man, and I'm not willing to date down — but maybe I should be willing to date down. I got a message saying my dating standards are too high and too strict. I feel like my mind's just getting blended, but that's good, because that's what happens when you're learning.
I sent the single mom that canceled a message this morning — like a one-minute voice memo. I'm like, look, can you at least help me learn something? What happened here? Did me not texting you matter? Should I have texted you more often? Is there anything I can learn from this? No response from her yet. And what is with the Queen? Why is there no warmth? The coldest messages. I feel like people used to give each other a chance at some point. Maybe you have to sleep together first before anyone's going to give anyone a chance — that, to me, is seeming to be where things are going. Basically, if a woman doesn't want to immediately get in bed with me, then there's no chemistry and there's no connection. And if that's what I need to do, I'll do it. I've already got a nice plan I could do on dating apps, because my house is walking distance from restaurants. At this point I'm even thinking I'd take a woman to a bar so she could have a couple of drinks and relax — but that's risky since I'm sober. Should I go to nightclubs? Where the hell can I go to have a better experience?
The Overseas Option
It seems like right now the obvious choice is to save money up — maybe stop borrowing money first — and then just make as much money as I can and take a few weeks or a month to go overseas, see how the women are over there, and see what kind of experience I have. My friend said, "Dude, I guarantee you could get an early-twenties Thai woman — guarantee. An early-twenties Thai woman who would love to have kids with you, marry you, come back to the States, who would be a really devoted wife that would just be thrilled to be with you." I'm five foot eleven, I look good, I'm a YouTuber — and apparently hardly anyone actually cares about that where I'm at.
I do have empathy for the women I'm encountering, too. I don't feel good rejecting some woman, and if I was acting how they were acting, I would feel awful about myself. I'm guessing that some of these women do feel bad about themselves and their behavior. They're lonely, they're used to being single, and they almost instinctively push away anything that might be joyous.
I did get a really nice compliment from my friend today. He's like, "Dude, you are still so innocent. You are special. You're amazing. What you have to share is awesome, and some woman is going to appreciate that." This is an opportunity to have faith that yes, someday somebody will appreciate this, and that maybe the journey is actually going to be some of the greatest fun. And I am optimistic — I always figure things out. Last night my mind started racing with all these fear thoughts and anger when I got the message from Eight. Then I sent the Queen the message about the video, and afterwards I felt bad about that. I'm like, I shouldn't have said anything to her — she's done nothing at this point to deserve me telling her any of this, and I should have just published the video. So I'm just not going to respond to her last message. I asked her to go for a walk last weekend and she didn't reply to that. She asked for an edited copy of the video, and I don't need to send her one. It's my video, and she's been taken out of it — she wasn't in it to start with, but anything I said that was specific has been taken out of it. Holy crap, man.
I'm proud, though, that I don't give up, that I don't quit. Because it seems to me that life tries to always make you quit — to make you give up on your dreams and just quit and fight for survival. Personally, I don't care about surviving. All I care about is thriving. And I'm sure that's a useful perspective.
I also got my automated system finally publishing videos across Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook automatically yesterday, which is really cool. I think I need to have the AI put hashtags in for a little better reach, but that's really cool. And it's so funny — with the Queen, the two of us could work together and just print tens of thousands of dollars a month, but she'd rather have a bad attitude about me and ignore my request to meet in person.
I need to be able to get more women in the funnel, so to speak, and I think I'm just going to need to get back on online dating apps. But online dating apps take so much time, even when they're working well — the more matches you get, the more messages. Still, I've got a date next week. And what's nice with matchmaking is that if they cancel, I get another one — it doesn't count if they cancel. So it's really nice, and the matchmaker has already sold the woman on going out with me. If you want to follow this whole saga from the beginning, every chapter is in my Dating playlist.
Part of this just feels hopeless, though. What is the point in trying? And I feel like that's what this whole system is designed to do — to get you to feel hopeless, that you're powerless, that you can't do anything, that you should just give up and quit and accept what you're being force-fed, accept the crappy life that the matrix has planned for you. Fuck that. No, my outlook is this: you're going to give me what I want. You are going to give me what I want, or I'm going to resist and not cooperate as hard as possible. You will do what I want, or you will get nothing from me.