I've helped three people find their person right when they were ready to give up on dating. That's why I help people as a dating coach. I'm going to tell you the three of their stories, which I hope will help you have hope that your person is out there too. You'll see that what all three of these stories have in common is that I helped them see things they weren't seeing themselves, and I helped them persist when they were ready to quit. And I lead by example. After going out with 28 women in 2026, and mostly not even having second dates, I continue to persist, because I believe you can be terrible at dating and still find love.
So let me tell you the first story. Now, I helped all these people just as friends and family, but it's got me to see that some people are good at massage, some people are good at banking and numbers, and I'm good at helping people with dating.
The friend who was living at his parents' house
Here's an example of a friend. I asked this guy how his dating life was going. I want to make sure to keep his story his, because it's up to him to tell it, so I'm going to keep personal details private. I'm asking myself how much I can say without doxing this guy. He had a relationship I thought was great before, but then it kind of turned toxic and spiraled. Then he ends up single, living at his parents' house. He tries to go out with a few women, but he said the women were brutal about him living at home with his parents.
When I asked how his dating life was going, he says, "Jerry, I've got to make some more money and then get my own place before I can date. These women are just roasting me and not wanting to date me because I don't have my own place."
Now, I looked at this guy and I said, "That's ridiculous. You're a good looking guy. These are your assets, and realistically you're not going to be able to move out of your parents' house that quick financially. There's no time to waste. Get back on those apps and keep swiping. There are women that own their own house and have their own money, and they're just looking for a guy like you."
Immediately after I told him that, he got back on the dating apps and went out on a date with a woman that many of you would line up for. I'll keep it to this: a beautiful woman who's got her own house and plenty of money. All she wanted was a guy that she was happy to be with that could move in with her. He's now moved in with her and they have an absolutely awesome life together.
If you saw the two of them now, and then you picture this guy living at his parents' house, sad, feeling like he's unwanted, that's where I stepped in and helped him right at the key point. His life has been awesome since then. It's hard to even imagine what he would have missed out on by not meeting this woman. And her life's been awesome too, because she was having a hard time finding a guy she liked. So they came together.
The woman in her fifties who thought she would spend her life alone
Now I'll tell you the second story. This is a story of a woman who was in her fifties who got divorced with a grown child. It was a bad divorce. The husband had been unfaithful and had a kid with somebody else, and she was pretty down. She went out on a couple of online dates and they weren't very nice, to say the least. Then she ends up saying, "Online dating sucks. I'm just going to have to spend the rest of my life alone, and I don't know what else to do."
I said, "It's ridiculous that you think you should go out with a couple of guys and just immediately find the right person. You need to keep trying over and over again, and at some point it'll work."
Shortly after this, she goes out with this guy and they end up spending over a decade together. He becomes the love of her life, and it was the best relationship she had ever had.
It's a good thing I was there to reassure her based on my experience going out on so many online dates. My first online date was in 2004 and my last online date before my ex-wife was in 2011. I dated so many women online for seven years. I had a relationship for about a year and a half in there, with a woman I met online. I met my ex-wife online. So I know that things can happen if you keep your attitude up.
The guy whose dating life looked like a nightmare
The third story I'll tell you is a guy I know that, from the outside, if you looked at his dating life, you would have thought, "This is a nightmare." This guy has tried so hard. He's had so many relationships, and never once has he had something to really be proud of. You would never look at his dating life or his life and be like, "Man, this is going great." Ha ha.
He was down after another relationship ended. I'd been supporting him for a long time and tried to discourage him from dating some of the women he dated. That didn't work. I also tried to encourage him to set his sights higher, to see what was possible for him.
I remember one conversation we had one day. I was saying, "Look, these are your assets. These are the things you have to offer. There's definitely a woman that will really appreciate that." And he said, "I don't know. I wish I could be as optimistic about my dating life as you are."
Now, this guy's dating life today, most of you would look at it and think it's going awesome. You're like, "Wow, look at this one." You look at everything in his life and you'd be like, "How did this happen?"
And yet it's that consistent encouragement. It's showing you the things you're not seeing. I've talked to women that are like, "Oh, I don't like how my body looks. After I had kids, I don't like how my body looks, and I really need to get to know a guy," because they don't feel good going in the bedroom.
From my point of view, it's like, stop all that stuff. Guys, we're not that picky. You need to think from our point of view and consider that you look amazing from most of our points of view, and stop judging yourself. Let a man help show you how beautiful you are instead of you going around looking in the mirror and criticizing yourself.
I'm grateful that I've put so much effort into my own personal dating in the last year, because I see so much now. I'm obsessed with talking about dating too. I don't know anybody who talks about dating as much as I do. I ask everybody about their relationships, and I ask everybody how they met their partner. I'm obsessed with figuring out what is working in dating, what is working in relationships, and why relationships end. And what I'm noticing is that the people who are putting in effort are generally getting the relationships.
Why I never stop putting in the effort
One of the worst things I hear people tell me is, "Well, Jerry, do you think that you've just tried so hard on your dating, going out with these 28 different women, that if you just stopped trying, it'd work out better?"
And I say, "Absolutely not." I've never seen a single thing work out well in my life where I stopped trying and stopped putting in the effort. My health is absolutely amazing today because I put effort into reading so many books to learn how to be healthy.
It's the same with my dating life. For most of my adult life, I was in a relationship for 15 years that most people from the outside looked at and were like, "Dude, never leave your wife. I don't care how unhappy you are. You're never going to find a woman that hot again." I'm like, "How do you think I found her in the first place?" Nobody thought I could find a woman that hot in the first place.
I remember all the people that used to talk junk about me and my dating life. They motivated me. When I was a police officer, I remember one of my squad mates pointing out this woman that I didn't think was very attractive. They were talking, and they're like, "Jerry, that's the best kind of woman you're going to be able to get." So I had to get together with a woman they all agreed was a perfect 10, just to show them. You can't get more attractive than her. I'm like, "I've got to just show you what I'm capable of."
And that's what I can do for you: I can show you what you're capable of.
What a relaxed relationship with the right person feels like
I swear, when I've been dating women and talking to people, it's hard for me to even date women because I end up coaching them. So many women I've talked to don't think dating is a priority. And I'm like, "Yes, because you are stuck in this stressed out, I'm single, I have to take care of everything mindset. You don't realize how relaxed and how amazing your life could be if you were with the right man, because you've never been with the right man before."
I remember my ex-wife had a really nice life when I was making six figures online. She was just taking care of our daughter all day and going to do whatever she wanted, and I was paying for everything. That was real nice and relaxed. That was awesome. A lot of women have never even experienced that before.
And a lot of guys these days, I'm realizing, we as men need to hold our frame. Right? When we come into contact with a woman, my frame, my way of looking at the world, is the frame. My frame, my way of seeing things, will not yield to your frame. And that's helpful, because I can help hold space.
I was talking to my daughter about this on the way to school. She's in middle school and she's just getting into relationships and crushes and all that. I'm like, "Do you see how relaxed you are as a child right now? When you're with me, I handle everything. When your mom's with you, she handles everything. Do you see how relaxed you are?"
She's like, "Yeah, school's hard enough. I'd hate to have to handle money and groceries and a house and the car."
I'm like, "Yes. When you're in a great relationship with a man, that's how the relationship should feel. More like you can just relax." Not like a parent and a child, but more like that relaxed environment of childhood where there's so much that's taken care of that you don't have to worry about.
It's funny. I just have a hard time even communicating that to so many women these days that are so stressed out and are on overdrive doing everything, and then not making time to date. It's like, listen, if you'd make time to date, you could relax.
You could find a man that you could have a really nice life with. And guys, if you would learn to hold your own reality and come up with your own way of looking at things, and then be able to provide and have a way of interacting with a woman that would get her to respect you and make her want to follow you, then you would be ready to receive the woman of your dreams and have an awesome life together. Obviously, there are infinite variations on all that.
My consistent advice: keep trying
What's cool about me is I really listen to people. My consistent advice is keep trying, work on your attitude and focus on the rewards you can get out of dating. I did a whole video about that, talking about why I won't quit on dating, because I know it's worth it.
The thing is, it's hard though. Dating is difficult. If you don't have people that help you with dating, friends or family, I'm here to fill in immediately. And if the people around you don't like hearing about your dating life, I will listen to it.
At various points, I've burned people out. My sponsor fired me in AA because I talked about my dating life so much. But I love talking about dating, because to me it's one of the most important areas of life, and it's one that people are acutely struggling with.
Why the right person is worth the struggle
And guess what? In my experience, if you date the right person, your finances will be so much easier. You'll be in a much better position to be healthy. You won't be so lonely. Dating is one of those things you can do, and meeting the right person and having a relationship is worth the struggle.
I've been through plenty of struggle in the last year after getting divorced. I got divorced because I was sure I could find a woman more compatible with me than my ex-wife was, and I figured she could probably find a better guy for her also. It'd be worth the short term pain to get divorced so that I could find a better relationship that would go the distance for my life.
Working with me in St. Petersburg, Florida
I work best with people in person in St. Petersburg, Florida. There's so much I can do, and I've just given you the tip of the iceberg here. You can hear more of my own stories in my Dating playlist.
But the thing to do is start off: schedule a call with me at jerrybanfield.com/dating and learn more about me there.