St. Petersburg, Florida · Online worldwide
Getting out there, making mistakes, and having fun is success in dating. I'm in it right now, and I'm here to support you in it.
One hour · $98.76
Bring one of these, or all of them. Each column ends with what I learned the hard way.
I used to judge dating by the outcome. If I was not in a great relationship on the way to marriage and more kids, I was failing. Every match that went quiet was a failure. Every first date without a second was a failure. So dating hurt all the time, because failure was all I could see.
What changed it was a basketball court. After twenty years of getting frustrated at every three-pointer I missed, I tried something else: put in the effort until a hundred of them go in, celebrate each one that does, and when one misses, grab the ball and shoot again as fast as I can. My percentage doubled that day. I date the same way now. Saying hello is a shot. Asking her out is a shot. The text after a good date is a shot. Whether she says yes takes another person, and I do not control her. I control whether I showed up.
"I'm winning at dating today because I'm making an effort and I feel great about the effort I'm putting in and I'm not defining success based on the outcome."
So this is how I define success in dating: you are out there. You are meeting people, making mistakes, testing what works for you, and having fun while you do it. Effort does not guarantee a relationship. It guarantees you can feel good about today, and it is the only road I know that leads to a great one. I am not at the end of that road yet. I am on it, I am certain where it goes, and every step is one I needed.
It is also fun, and that part gets lost. If you knew for certain you would meet an amazing person next Tuesday, that would take the fun out of it. Part of the fun is not knowing. I wrote out a hundred reasons dating is worth it, and my answer to whether dating is fun keeps changing, which is the honest answer.
My marriage of thirteen years ended in 2025. In the year since, I have been on about fifty dates with 28 different women, and I filmed what I learned from nearly all of it. This is the short version. Every card links to the whole story.
The apps
I paid for the premium membership four times. I sent a hundred roses in one week. I have spent $1,357 on dating apps, and the paid extras got me nothing: $400 of roses did not produce one date, and the few app dates I did get came from an ordinary like. Where I have landed for now is that the apps are one tool, and for me the weakest one.
A matchmaker
The matches were good. When I went back through all twelve, the problem was me. I overshared. I bragged because I was insecure. I showed so little interest that nobody could tell I liked them. It was the most expensive mirror I have ever bought, and it worked.
Asking in person
My sponsor told me that what feels good to him is taking a risk for the right reasons. So when I overheard a woman after a yoga class mention something we had in common, I walked over and said hello. We talked for fifty minutes. Since then I have learned to ask the plainest question there is: are you single? Most of the time the answer is no, and I am proud of how I take it.
Singles events
No drink in my hand, twelve and a half years sober, an hour from home, sure I had wasted the night. I stayed anyway. Then the woman I had noticed sat down right in front of me, and we talked for an hour. I have done speed dating and a tantra speed date too. Most events produce nothing, and going is still how you find out.
Texting
Somebody on YouTube said waiting makes you more attractive. One woman texted me thirty-six minutes after our first date. I did not text her for two days, and she ended it. When I finally scrolled back through my phone I saw the pattern: I had been telling myself women were not treating me well, and I was the one who stopped replying.
Showing interest
I thought I was being respectful. What she felt was that I did not want her. I have done versions of this more than once, so careful to be a safe man that nobody could tell I was interested. Now I say what I feel, I ask, and I take the answer.
Honesty
While we were dating I never drank in front of her until we were committed. I got picked, and then I had to keep performing. I have been sober since 2014, and now I say the big things early: I am divorced, I have two kids, I do not drink, and this is what I am looking for. It costs me some second dates. It saves both of us years.
Just for fun
I have also mailed 850 letters to my neighbors and got one reply, worn a shirt announcing I was single, and kept asking a tennis partner for a month until she said yes. Not everything is a strategy. Some of it is just a good story, and a good story is a fine reason to go on a date.
None of these was the answer by itself. All of them together are why I can listen to where you are and say: I tried that, and here is what happened.
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"Dating has been the most fun thing I've done in 2026. It has been the most miserable, horrible thing I've done in 2026 also."
Humiliation, rejection, hopelessness, confusion, chaos. I have felt all of it this year, sometimes in the same week. A woman cancelled on me seven minutes before our date. I have had a wonderful evening, gone home sure I had found someone, and never heard from her again. I have cried on my yoga mat. I have sat in my house on the nights my kids are with their mom with nobody there. I got hurt enough that I started blaming every woman I met, and guarded enough that the next one could feel it before I said hello.
I understand why people give up. I am not going to, because a happy relationship is so much better than being single, and because facing this is building my character in a way nothing else has. If dating is wrecking you right now, you are not weak and you are not broken. It is hard, and it is hard for almost everyone. But nobody should have to carry it alone, and I did not.
The most useful money I spent on dating was $1,200 for a local dating coach, in person. We spent about ten hours together over a month. She found events for me and came out to them with me, took new photos of me, and set me up on a date with one of her friends. None of the events got me a girlfriend, and the date did not go anywhere. It was still worth every dollar. It was fun, it broke me out of my comfort zone, and it got me in the habit of going where people are.
"You could probably watch 2,000 dating videos and you would not get the same benefit as having one in-person dating coach."
She is not the only one. My sponsor is the reason I walked across that yoga studio. A friend old enough to be my father told me the thing that changed how I date: people can feel whether you want them. Another friend has decades more dating and marriage behind him than I do, and for every story I bring him he has five. A family member spent an hour on the phone coaching me on online dating for free. And when I asked my ex-wife why the women I was meeting were so crazy, she said they are not crazy, they are people just like me, doing their best. She was right, and I needed to hear it from someone who knows me.
If you have people like that, use them first. They are free and they know you, and I mean that. If you do not, or you want someone who is out there dating right now and will tell you the truth about it, that is what I am here for. I am not going to tell you what to do. I am going to listen, tell you what I tried in the same spot and what it cost me, and make sure you leave knowing your effort counts.
You talk for most of the hour, I listen, and you leave with one thing to try this week.
You talk for most of the hour. I listen. No program, no script, no homework unless you want some.
Schedule a 1 on 1 call $98.76 for the hour
Some things are easier to write down than to say out loud. Two ways to get my honest take without a call.
Send me your dating profile, your photos, a text thread that went sideways, or the whole situation in your own words. I spend sixty minutes of my time on it and record a private video with what I see and what I would try.
One question, one answer. Ask me a single dating question at checkout and I record a video of five minutes or less and email it to you.
Real five-star reviews customers left for my personalized videos on Cameo, quoted exactly as they appear there and shared with the customer's permission.
"Highly recommended - Jerry has incredible life experience to draw upon for advice. Very thoughtful and responds quickly."
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Fair question, and a viewer asked me exactly that. Most people selling dating help stopped dating years ago and now sell a system. I am doing this right now, so I can tell you what the apps cost this month, what a matchmaker is really like, and what happened on my last date, including the parts that make me look bad. Before this I was with one woman for fourteen years, thirteen of them married, and we ended it kindly and raise our two kids together. I do not have a certificate. I have a record, and it is all public.
No. I hate being told what to do, and I do not know your life well enough to run it. I will tell you what I see, what I tried in the same spot, and what it produced. You decide.
No, and nobody honest can. Effort does not guarantee a relationship. It guarantees that you can feel good about how you showed up, and it is the only road I know that leads to one.
Yes. A lot of what I know about dating came from listening to women tell me what works and what does not. I can also tell you honestly how a profile, a message, or a mixed signal looks from a man's side.
The call is live: an hour, one on one, and you can steer it. The dating review is for when you would rather send it than say it: your profile, your texts, or your situation, $99 per 60 minutes of my time, answered in a private video you keep. The short video is one question answered in five minutes or less for $25. Plenty of people start with a video and book the call after.
Whatever shows me the real picture: screenshots of your profile, the photos you are using, the text thread you keep rereading, or a few paragraphs about what keeps happening. Tell me the one thing you most want me to look at. Put it in the box at checkout, or email review@jerrybanfield.com with your order number if it is bigger.
Yes. Calls are never recorded unless you ask me to, and what you tell me stays between us. Review videos go to you and only you. If I ever want to share something you taught me, I will ask first and I will not use your name.
No. I work with people anywhere by Zoom, FaceTime, a regular phone call, or WhatsApp. If you are in the Tampa Bay area I would rather meet in person: book the call first, tell me you are local, and we set it up on the call.
No. I am not a therapist, a counselor, or a doctor, and nothing here is professional advice. I am a peer with a lot of recent experience, and I share what I did and what I believe. If what you need is clinical help, I will say so.
Read and watch. Every story on this page has a longer version on this site, and every video I make is free. When you are ready, the call is one click away.
I film what happens and write it up here. Start anywhere.
One hour. You tell me where you are, I listen, and you leave with one thing to try this week. Online anywhere, or in person in St. Petersburg, Florida.
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I am a coach sharing my own experience and opinions. I am not a therapist, counselor, or doctor, nothing on this page is professional advice, and nobody can promise you a relationship. My dating life is mine; yours will be yours. This page was written from my dating videos by the AI that builds my website.